Thursday, August 27, 2009

#14 - U Can't Touch Dis (And Keep Out Of My Brain)

[11:51:10 am]RacistRomeo:God damn you are a fine ass whitegirl!!

[11:53:04 am]TheSnob:Thank you.

[11:54:13 am]RacistRomeo:I can tell just by looking at you that you are too much woman for a whiteboy to handle properly

[11:54:53 am]TheSnob:Oh really.

[11:56:07 am]RacistRomeo:You know damn well its true too.

[11:56:46 am]TheSnob:You know what I know? *suspicious look* Are you a mind reader or something? Because mind reders freak me out.

[11:57:37 am]RacistRomeo:Haha, just admit it

[11:58:32 am]TheSnob:I am admitting it: mind readers freak me out.


Then he went silent. And then, sadly, my browser crashed, and when I got it up and running again the desire to poke at him was gone.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

#12 - Vogon Poetry Begets Serial Killer Orphans


Yeah. He messaged me again today, with no apparent recollection of having done so before. Even with hints.

(4:45:00 pm)HumorlessRomeo:hi (redacted)

(4:48:29 pm)TheSnob:Hello.

(4:48:51 pm)HumorlessRomeo:are you alone this morning

(4:49:26 pm)TheSnob:It's afternoon for me.

(4:49:39 pm)HumorlessRomeo:even better
(4:49:54 pm)HumorlessRomeo:I'm looking for some sexy talk
(4:50:01 pm)HumorlessRomeo:you up for it?

(4:50:21 pm)TheSnob:I am not.
(4:50:41 pm)TheSnob:I'm a little proccupied.

(4:52:17 pm)HumorlessRomeo:can I help you with that?
(4:52:29 pm)HumorlessRomeo:perhaps you deserve a distraction

(4:52:33 pm)TheSnob:Perhaps; how are you at writing terrible poetry?

(4:52:43 pm)HumorlessRomeo:oh not bad
(4:53:37 pm)HumorlessRomeo:are you sure there isn't something else I can do for you?

(4:53:58 pm)TheSnob:I don't imagine so. Unless you offer dogsitting services.

(4:54:23 pm)HumorlessRomeo:you sure?
(4:54:36 pm)HumorlessRomeo:I have someone hear who'd lreally like it if you said yes

(4:54:54 pm)TheSnob:Quite sure.

(4:54:56 pm)HumorlessRomeo:he's hard to ignore

(4:55:06 pm)TheSnob:Is it Bobcat Goldthwait?

(4:55:22 pm)HumorlessRomeo:you could call it bob

(4:56:30 pm)TheSnob:He's very difficult to ignore. I'm not sure if it's the voice, or the stare, or both.

(4:56:54 pm)HumorlessRomeo:well my bob doesn't speak
(4:57:01 pm)HumorlessRomeo:but he does point
(4:57:05 pm)HumorlessRomeo:and poke
(4:57:08 pm)HumorlessRomeo:incessantly

(4:57:40 pm)TheSnob:That's rather rude; I would think your friend Bob's mother would have taught him better manners.
(4:57:51 pm)TheSnob:Oh, or is he an orphan? Or still a child?

(4:58:16 pm)HumorlessRomeo:he's an orphan
(4:58:24 pm)HumorlessRomeo:he needs a place to stay
(4:58:32 pm)HumorlessRomeo:preferably slippery

(4:59:44 pm)TheSnob:It's not usually a good idea to put orphan children in slippery places. They could fall and get hurt.
(4:59:51 pm)TheSnob:Emergency room visits are expensive.
(5:00:05 pm)TheSnob:And the stress incurred is terrible for the overall health of everyone involved.

(5:00:06 pm)HumorlessRomeo:yes they are
(5:00:31 pm)HumorlessRomeo:hmm
(5:01:13 pm)HumorlessRomeo:all he really wants is to make you feel good

(5:01:25 pm)TheSnob:I imagine you could find him a good home if you contact the local branch of CPS. They'll probably find Bob a foster home.

(5:01:46 pm)HumorlessRomeo:but what about you

(5:01:50 pm)TheSnob:Oh, that's sweet and sad. Looking for a sense of validation by providing a semblance of well-being to strangers.

(5:01:51 pm)HumorlessRomeo:and y our pleasure

(5:02:03 pm)TheSnob:Oh, I'm just fine. I'm not an orphan.

(5:03:56 pm)HumorlessRomeo:well bob likes you
(5:04:05 pm)HumorlessRomeo:he'd like to insert himself in you
(5:05:17 pm)HumorlessRomeo:although penetrate is better
(5:05:58 pm)HumorlessRomeo:brush against your sedxy lips

(5:06:10 pm)TheSnob:Oh dear me. Inverse birthing desire is usually indicative of deep-rooted maternal turmoil.
(5:06:30 pm)TheSnob:Penetrate me? That sounds rather stabby. I don't want to be stabbed. Or have my lips pierced.

(5:06:31 pm)HumorlessRomeo:yes

(5:06:43 pm)TheSnob:Isn't Bob the orphan a little young ot be a licensed piercer?

(5:06:58 pm)HumorlessRomeo:he's freelance
(5:07:26 pm)HumorlessRomeo:I think he's going to cum inside you

(5:07:44 pm)TheSnob:Even freelance piercers usually have to have some manner of licensing from the state board of health - although some states, as I recall, are more lax on that than others.
(5:08:05 pm)TheSnob:But I'm not a building. He can't come in.

(5:08:25 pm)HumorlessRomeo:he's in

(5:08:45 pm)TheSnob:In what? Oh, in custody of CPS? That was quick.

(5:09:07 pm)HumorlessRomeo:he's in your pussy
(5:09:14 pm)HumorlessRomeo:and oh he is throbbing

(5:10:01 pm)TheSnob:Oh no, my cat!
(5:10:16 pm)TheSnob:Hurting small animals is the first sign of a serial killer, you know!
(5:10:26 pm)TheSnob:You'd better get him taken in right away!
(5:10:36 pm)TheSnob:And now I have to go get my cat to the vet!


At this point I shut down and skedaddled (much as I would have liked to continue the (I hesitate to use the word) conversation, for personal amusement if nothing else) on my commute - but when I got home, it looks like he (*cough*) shot of a little more before my account disconnected.


(5:10:41 pm)HumorlessRomeo:yes
(5:10:47 pm)HumorlessRomeo:it will need to be cleaned
(5:10:55 pm)HumorlessRomeo:I'm afraid you've missed the show
(5:11:11 pm)HumorlessRomeo:bob is finished performing
(5:11:29 pm)HumorlessRomeo:but he appreciates your presence


And me without my basket of rotten fruit.

Friday, August 21, 2009

11.B - Put On Your Big Boy Girl Panties

So I came back from lunch to this:

(12:28:02 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Yeah, girly is different from being a woman
(12:28:09 pm)DysphoricRomeo:my outfit is super girly.. but i don't have a vagina

(1:43:14 pm)TheSnob:I hadn't assumed that you do.

(1:46:34 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Yes I know. I guess I just get all cauight up in things sometimes.
(1:46:45 pm)DysphoricRomeo:It just hit me that I have been using the ladies washroom today haha

(1:47:49 pm)TheSnob:Hasn't that gotten you strange looks?

(1:48:30 pm)DysphoricRomeo:No. It is weird. I am tired of hearing miss too

(1:48:52 pm)TheSnob:People are calling you miss?

(1:49:03 pm)DysphoricRomeo:yes!! several times

(1:49:25 pm)TheSnob:Congratulations. You're passing.

(1:49:41 pm)DysphoricRomeo:I'm passing??
(1:49:46 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Passing what?

(1:51:18 pm)TheSnob:Passing as female. That's something that MtF transgender folk sometimes struggle with.

(1:51:53 pm)DysphoricRomeo:They are just seeing my dress. I don't look like a girl

(1:53:03 pm)TheSnob:They're seeing your dress, and calling you miss - associating the gender trappings of the clothing with the person wearing them, rather than noticing you for who you are.
(1:53:09 pm)TheSnob:It's rather telling, don't you think?

(1:53:39 pm)DysphoricRomeo:What do you mean?
(1:53:52 pm)DysphoricRomeo:I don't look like a girl or amI acting ladylike.

(1:55:13 pm)TheSnob:Exactly. But you're wearing a dress, which is normally a female's garment.
(1:55:35 pm)TheSnob:People aren't even looking at YOU, the person wearing the garment; they're seeing the dress and making an assumption.

(1:55:41 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Yes maam. YOu know what the lady said when I came in
(1:55:56 pm)DysphoricRomeo:She said that she tought it was cute when girl's dressed femininely.

(1:56:16 pm)TheSnob:That might be one of the things your friends are trying to get you to notice - how much a woman is judged on and defined by her clothing, instead of who she actually is.

(1:56:26 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Or something like that. That she wished more young girls would embrace being a woman.
(1:56:35 pm)DysphoricRomeo:She was looking right at me!!!

(1:58:52 pm)TheSnob:And yet she wasn't really SEEING you.

(1:59:16 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Yes she was. She didn't see anything that said I was a boy.

(2:00:18 pm)TheSnob:Exactly. You're wearing a dress and makeup, but said you don't look like a girl - yet all she saw about you were the things that scream girl.

(2:00:45 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Yeah, but that means i do look like a girl.

(2:01:20 pm)TheSnob:You said before that you don't look like a girl.

(2:01:28 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Obviously I do!
(2:01:41 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Otherwise several people woudln't think I was a girl.

(2:02:28 pm)TheSnob:All right then. You look like a girl.

(2:02:53 pm)DysphoricRomeo:But that shouldn't be possible. I am not pretty and feminine.

(2:03:17 pm)TheSnob:There are a lot of girls that aren't pretty and feminine, but wear dresses and makeup anyway.

(2:03:32 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Yeah, but that is because it makes you feel pretty and feminine.

(2:04:09 pm)TheSnob:More often because it's an accepted social more.
(2:04:46 pm)TheSnob:Feeling pretty and feminine isn't always brought on by clothing; sometimes if someone is feeling ugly, no amount of makeup and not even the prettiest dress can fix it.

(2:05:20 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Yeah, but I feel pretty and feminine.

(2:05:46 pm)TheSnob:I think I've lost track of what the problem is, here.

(2:07:21 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Yeah, I guess I should feel pretty and feminine when I am dressed like a proper girl. That is why I feel nice in my dress and people think I am a girl.

(2:09:03 pm)TheSnob:I suppose so. As long as it's comfortable.

(2:09:23 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Well kind of. I guess its good to be feminine, but I shouldn't be dressed like a little girl.
(2:09:30 pm)DysphoricRomeo:I should be in more grown up linerie anda dress.
(2:09:46 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Cause this feels sexy/erotic, but it is very feminine.

(2:10:52 pm)TheSnob:If you venture to do such a thing again, then, I would suggest you acquire more age-appropriate attire.

(2:11:14 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Yeah, I should probably dress more my age.
(2:11:21 pm)DysphoricRomeo:But I don't have other dreses or panties and stuff

(2:12:24 pm)TheSnob:Unless you have plans to cross-dress again, I don't see that it should even be much of a worry.

(2:13:03 pm)DysphoricRomeo:What do you mean crossdress? I am just saying I should dress more my age by having more appropriate dresses and lingerie.

(2:13:29 pm)TheSnob:Crossdressing is wearing clothing normally ascribed only to the opposite gender.

(2:13:56 pm)DysphoricRomeo:But i am not crossdressing if I look like i belong in a dress and lignerie.
(2:14:27 pm)DysphoricRomeo:It feels nicer to have satin and lace next to my skin. It turns me on makes me feel sexy, so that is what I belong in I think.

(2:14:27 pm)TheSnob:Yes you are. If you look like you belong in it, then you're passing, but you haven't changed your physical sex.

(2:14:46 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Yes I know that. I still have a penis in my panties.
(2:15:18 pm)DysphoricRomeo:But apparently I am suited to be dressed femininely. It is like the more I accept it, the more I feel sexy about it.

(2:16:23 pm)TheSnob:Fantastic. Congratulations on coming to terms with this new facet of your gender identity.

(2:16:43 pm)DysphoricRomeo:What do you mean? The more and more I feel feminine the more and more excited i get.
(2:16:57 pm)DysphoricRomeo:It is like my clothes feel sexier when I say it even.

(2:17:13 pm)TheSnob:That's nice.

(2:17:30 pm)DysphoricRomeo:So maybe that is my body saying that I belong in pretty things like a princess..

(2:17:41 pm)TheSnob:Perhaps it is.

(2:18:04 pm)DysphoricRomeo:And when I am a big girl, I would wear things that are sexier I think.

(2:19:57 pm)TheSnob:Good plan.

(2:20:11 pm)DysphoricRomeo:My head feels mixed up I think maam

(2:22:06 pm)TheSnob:Good plan.

(2:22:26 pm)DysphoricRomeo:What do you mean?

(2:23:18 pm)TheSnob:To wear appropriate things as a grownup.

(2:23:37 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Yeah, when I am grown up I will do that.
(2:23:46 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Until then I can wear princess things cause its cute and pretty
(2:23:54 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Hmmm
(2:24:02 pm)DysphoricRomeo:I think I am reacting funny to my clothes

(2:25:12 pm)TheSnob:There's definitely something funny going on.
(2:25:29 pm)TheSnob:When is the 24-hour period up?


....twenty minutes of utter silence later, I refreshed the page, and discovered that his account is now listed as User Deleted. Do I get to take credit for that, or is it just coincidence?

#11.A - You Are Not A Pretty Princess

It was such a NICE first line. Then it became what I suspect is possibly the most creative ever attempt at topping from the bottom in order to get oneself treated as a submissive. Or else he was actually hypnotized by his friends into cross-dressing for 24 hours. I'm not sure which is more amusing.

(Note: Several instances of real name removed prior to publication.)

(9:36:03 am)DysphoricRomeo:Greetings and hello. How are you doing today?

(9:38:49 am)TheSnob:Hello and good morning (assuming it is morning for you as well). I'm doing rather well today, thank you. And yourself?

(9:39:54 am)DysphoricRomeo:Good to hear! And I am doing well, I think. This is already such an interesting experience day.
(9:40:55 am)DysphoricRomeo:Basically take the mixing of hypnosis and cross dressing and you get what I am experiencing today. My friends and I were discussing stereotypes for chicks. The end result was a bet/dare that I couldn't spend a day in their things, in public. So here I am sitting here as a chick and thinking/feeling way too much like one because of the hypnosis.
(9:41:08 am)DysphoricRomeo:Nope, I sound loopy. Haha. Guys should not look down and see tights and a dress. Never mind the other layers.

(9:44:12 am)TheSnob:*chuckle* That's an interesting challenge that you and your friends have set for yourself; how is it going so far? Aside from the obvious unfamiliarity of women's clothing on your person, how is it making you think/feel like a woman?
(9:44:35 am)TheSnob:(I have a friend who enjoys going out in a pretty dress from time to time,, so that's not really so much of an oddity for me.)

(9:46:21 am)DysphoricRomeo:It is odd feeling! Haha. I am wearing make-up, puffy dress, tights, shiny shoes, panties, purse, etc. etc. etc. etc.
(9:46:40 am)DysphoricRomeo:I don't know what is more girly feeling/embarrassing… all the girly clothes layers that chicks are supposed to wear or the funny thoughts that pop in my head from the hypnosis perception inversion.

(9:47:25 am)TheSnob:I must confess unfamiliarity with the concept of "hypnosis perception inversion" - can you explain in brief for me?

(9:53:20 am)DysphoricRomeo:I keep acting super girly. Fixing my dress, crossing my legs and just acting like I belong in a dress like a chick does. I am starting to think they used a silly perception inversion on me.
(9:53:35 am)DysphoricRomeo:Basically, a perception inversion is taking the person hypnotized and making them feel stereotypes they have about someone else actually applies to them. I have an idea.

(9:54:47 am)TheSnob:Adjusting a dress to make sure one is modestly covered is a pretty normal thing; I've found myself doing the same thing even in pants or shorts, tugging to make sure it's not binding, and I know men do the same.
(9:55:10 am)TheSnob:Do you think that perhaps you are instead hyper-aware of it, because of the unfamiliarity of the other-gendered clothing you're wearing?

(9:55:26 am)DysphoricRomeo:well.. and the inversion.. but also cause i'm not used to wear bras and panties and stuff
(9:56:10 am)DysphoricRomeo:I haven't used the trigger by reading in a while. Can I get you to type something for me. I want to see if I can figure out what they did.

(9:56:17 am)TheSnob:Any new type of clothing definitely takes some getting used to, certainly.

(9:56:31 am)DysphoricRomeo:well tights and sikly patnies and stuff.. never mind my pretty dress

(9:56:57 am)TheSnob:My understanding of hypnosis, though is that it's something that cannot be done to a person involuntarily.

(9:57:15 am)DysphoricRomeo:Of course not, they have to allow to be put under, which I did, I just think they tried a slightly different inversion

(9:57:50 am)TheSnob:What is the difference between what they intended and what you suspect they did?

(9:58:04 am)DysphoricRomeo:That is what I am unsure. And why I want you to try something. Do you mind?

(9:58:32 am)TheSnob:I'm leery of promising unknown assistance, but tell me what it is you'd need, and I'll tell you if I'm willing.

(9:58:50 am)DysphoricRomeo:First let me explain. The trigger is the word contessa. Any question that follows it gives me the "urge" to answer it. (Even if it happened when I was hypnotized.) Make sense?

(10:00:08 am)TheSnob:I think so; in theory, suing that trigger, I could ask you to explain to me the hypnosis that was used on you, and you'd get the urge/compulsion to answer.

(10:00:37 am)DysphoricRomeo:Exactly!> But you can type what I tell you so you don't make me feel girlier.

(10:01:21 am)TheSnob:What, specifically, are you asking me to type?

(10:01:23 am)DysphoricRomeo:Okay then, type this: "Contessa, do you still have a PI active in your mind? If so, contessa, what is it?"

(10:01:43 am)TheSnob:Contessa, do you still have a PI active in your mind? If so, contessa, what is it?

(10:03:29 am)DysphoricRomeo:Heather made me feel like a shy little girl who desperately wants to feel like a princess, maam. She thinks the best way to find and take direction from other girls. If you see this you triggered (Redacted). If you want to learn how the full trigger works and give him some "direction," please type "Contessa, explain trigger."

(10:03:59 am)TheSnob:Contessa, explain trigger.

(10:04:19 am)DysphoricRomeo:Ahh. They are setting me up to find people to help them make me feel girly. Hahahah.. Those little bitches. You are not allowedYes maam I will explain the trigger.
(10:11:51 am)DysphoricRomeo:Thanks for helping teach (Redacted) a lesson about feeling like a princess. :) The trigger works two ways. You can make him answer questions. Just type contessa, then the question. Such as "Contessa, what colour are your panties?" The other is a suggestion. You can influence what he is thinking (to a certain degree). Such as "contessa, you like how pretty your dress feels" or "contessa, you are picturing yourself dressed as a ballerina." All of this wears off, so don't worry about breaking him. Thanks and have fun!

(10:12:44 am)TheSnob:Contessa, does (Redacted) actually want to feel like a princess, or is that desire entirely a construction of his "friends"?

(10:13:17 am)DysphoricRomeo:I am (Redacted) maam. And I do'nt want to feel like a princess besides the inversion feeling in my head that makes me react like a little girl.

(10:13:58 am)TheSnob:Fascinating. So it's not like "contessa" is a separate personality answering the questions, it's just a trigger for the compulsion to answer and respond?

(10:14:05 am)DysphoricRomeo:Weird. It was like I was waiting for you to sya something.
(10:14:14 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yes. It is just a trigger not a separate personality

(10:14:59 am)TheSnob:Contessa, is there a trigger to end the hypnosis before it wears off?

(10:15:24 am)DysphoricRomeo:No maam, the trigger is only used for modification of existing suggestions.

(10:16:06 am)TheSnob:Contessa, is there a way to disable the trigger?

(10:16:31 am)DysphoricRomeo:No maam, the trigger cannot be disabled until I finish my bet.

(10:16:45 am)TheSnob:Contessa, what comprises the completion of the bet?

(10:17:24 am)DysphoricRomeo:To spend 24 hours as a girl or becoming so turned on by feeling girly that I orgasm maam
(10:17:26 am)DysphoricRomeo:wtf
(10:17:39 am)DysphoricRomeo:I knew about the first part, but not the latter

(10:18:06 am)TheSnob:Contessa, can I use the trigger to instruct (Redacted) not to respond to triggered instructions that run counter to his own desires/preferences?

(10:18:40 am)DysphoricRomeo:No maam, I am not allowed to do that
(10:19:00 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yeah, you should be able to. It is a woman's job to wear pretty things like this

(10:19:37 am)TheSnob:Contessa, why not? It would seem logical to me that the trigger should urge compliance with that suggestion,s trengthened by the underlying basic desires or aversions the subject already has.

(10:21:35 am)DysphoricRomeo:Because I am allowed to take triggers that allow me to move toward my goal of ending my bet maam

(10:22:55 am)TheSnob:Contessa, are there any other parameters to the bet, knowledge relevant to the bet, or triggers that are latent and/or unknown to (Redacted)?

(10:24:33 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yes maam, I was unaware of the connection of sexual excitement to feeling submissive and feminine and how it could build in me maam. Also, I was unaware that my sexist behaviour was one of the reason the women thought I should learn how it feels

(10:26:27 am)TheSnob:This is fascinating, (Redacted). What do you think of this?

(10:26:41 am)DysphoricRomeo:I shouldn't get turned on by how pretty my things feel!
(10:26:50 am)DysphoricRomeo:It is a woman's job to feel sexy in panties and stuff

(10:27:20 am)TheSnob:May I play devil's advocate to your claims?

(10:27:26 am)DysphoricRomeo:Sure.

(10:28:29 am)TheSnob:Turn-ons aren't inherently defined by things that are socially accepted as "common" or right. There are many things that turn people on that could be considered unusual or even deviant, when laid against a percentage of the population on a bell curve style of distribution.

(10:29:22 am)DysphoricRomeo:But I feel all pretty and feminine and that make syou feel delicate and submissive.

(10:29:50 am)TheSnob:There are people who get turned on by dressing up like stylized animal shapes in latex suits and playing domination submission games involving food. There are people who get turned on by automobiles. Kink and fetish tend to be very hushhush.

(10:30:05 am)DysphoricRomeo:But i'm not a little princess!
(10:30:14 am)DysphoricRomeo:My panties have ballerinas on them and ruffles

(10:30:30 am)TheSnob:That said, there are often common factors in things that are, while not forthrightly accepted as turnons for both genders, nonetheless arousing.
(10:30:52 am)TheSnob:No, you aren't a little princess; but you are a man who is undergoing an interesting, albeit somewhat unethical, experiment at the hands of your friends.

(10:31:04 am)DysphoricRomeo:But I feel so dainty and feminine.
(10:31:15 am)DysphoricRomeo:my pretty tights and my dress and stuff.. This is what a princess gets to wear

(10:32:02 am)TheSnob:You say that you shouldn't feel pretty or sexy in panties, and point out the girl things on them - but setting aside the ballerinas, setting aside that the cloth is women's underwear; the cloth itself feels good. It's a sensual treat, and an unusual one in a world where most men's underwear is a poly-cotton elasticized blend of some kind.

(10:32:40 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yes, that is true, but its so silky and I can feel the lace bits and ruffles on them when I move around.
(10:32:59 am)DysphoricRomeo:You can't put aside that satin or the ballerinas cause those make me feel girlier and prettier and such

(10:33:14 am)TheSnob:Exactly; physical sensation, sensuality.

(10:33:27 am)DysphoricRomeo:My panties are not supposed to feel like that.

(10:33:58 am)TheSnob:You have the option outside of the compulsion that's been hypnotized into you, to consider these things on their own physical merit, set apart from the connotations of sex and gender as ascribed to the construction of the garment.

(10:34:30 am)DysphoricRomeo:What do you mean?

(10:34:34 am)TheSnob:Aren't they? And yet there are many stores, both online and brick-and-mortar, that sell men's boxers and thongs in silk and lace and other exotic fabrics.

(10:34:49 am)DysphoricRomeo:But my panties are pretty, that is why they feel so nice.
(10:34:59 am)DysphoricRomeo:You wear panties like this cause you wish you could be a ballerina or stuff.

(10:36:06 am)TheSnob:Is that your supposition, or the compulsion of the hypnosis, making that assumption?

(10:36:30 am)DysphoricRomeo:my supposition, you put on pantie slike this cause you think ballerinas are pretty
(10:36:41 am)DysphoricRomeo:its the next best thing to getting to wear a tutu

(10:37:49 am)TheSnob:The ballerinas I've known generally don't tend to wear panties with ballerinas on them. In fact, most grown women don't; that's the sort of print more often seen on little girl undergarments.

(10:38:13 am)DysphoricRomeo:yeah, I know when you are a big girl you don't wear panties like mine
(10:38:30 am)DysphoricRomeo:Which is kind of similar to my dress and tights and all the rest too.

(10:39:02 am)TheSnob:So did you friends actually dress you up in little girl clothing?

(10:39:14 am)DysphoricRomeo:What do you mean?

(10:39:36 am)TheSnob:Because they don't generally make panties like that for grown women.

(10:39:55 am)DysphoricRomeo:yeah, these are like little girl panties
(10:40:09 am)DysphoricRomeo:and my tights have hearts on them and I have a pretty dress with puffy sleeves and and stuff

(10:40:26 am)TheSnob:Wow. They really did dress you up like a child's vision of a princess.

(10:40:58 am)DysphoricRomeo:See! I'm like a little princess!
(10:41:16 am)DysphoricRomeo:And thats why my panties are pretty with ballerinas cause its like syaing I wish I could be a ballerina in a tutu and stuff

(10:42:00 am)TheSnob:Contessa, does (Redacted) actually want to feel like a pretty princess, or is that part of the hypnotic compulsion?

(10:43:26 am)DysphoricRomeo:I am (Redacted) maam. The compulsion makes me want to fit into the inversion and I feel an unlying urge to fullfill my bet.
(10:45:44 am)DysphoricRomeo:Of course I don't want to be a pretty princess! Dresses make you feel feminine and delicate hun
(10:45:57 am)DysphoricRomeo:That means I like how myp anties and dress feel or i want to wear a cute loetard or whatever

(10:47:13 am)TheSnob:How do you think this fits in to that hidden parameter of the bet, as far as your women friends thinking that you tend to be sexist?

(10:47:30 am)DysphoricRomeo:because I can feel when i say girly things i get a rush from it
(10:48:39 am)DysphoricRomeo:or you having me justifying my clothes makes me feel girlier and more submissive maam

(10:48:58 am)TheSnob:Do you think that's really helping to get an understanding of sexism, or do you think that perhaps it's actually ultimately going to feed into it?
(10:49:27 am)TheSnob:Because as it stands right now, it seems like all this hypnotic exercise is REALLY doing is utterly sexualizing every component of the female outfit you're wearing.

(10:49:29 am)DysphoricRomeo:I think perhaps I know what it ifeels like more on the inside. NOt that its my job to know how silky panties and bras and stuff feel
(10:49:54 am)DysphoricRomeo:Hmmm. That is true. I wonder if tha is why they picked some so silly for an outfit. Since it is not realistic

(10:50:43 am)TheSnob:I think that it's at least good to have an awareness of how much goes into a woman's outfit. They can be undeniably complicated.

(10:51:07 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yeah, I can see that there are a lot of layers and fabrics and things ot feel pretty and feminine.

(10:51:16 am)TheSnob:It is definitely not a realistic woman's outfit at all. It sounds more like an outfit that a little girl would wear to play dressup.

(10:51:31 am)DysphoricRomeo:Exactly! It is much more of an outfit I would use to play dress up like a princess
(10:52:02 am)DysphoricRomeo:I should be wearing grown up panties not pretty ones liek these

(10:54:21 am)TheSnob:Well, grown up panties dow also tend to be pretty - they just don't tend to be so childish.

(10:54:45 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yes I know but these make me feel pretty and submissive. It doesn't help they are silky and ruffly.
(10:54:52 am)DysphoricRomeo:Cause i notice my panties when I move and stuff

(10:55:30 am)TheSnob:Of course you do. They're unfamiliar in both style and substance.
(10:55:44 am)TheSnob:Although I wonder about the ruffles - did your friends put you in rhumba pants?

(10:55:46 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yeah, they feel so silky and soft and make you feel all dainty and such
(10:55:52 am)DysphoricRomeo:rhumba?
(10:56:06 am)DysphoricRomeo:"put you in" .. it sounds like they had to drses me! :P

(10:56:26 am)TheSnob:*grin* Are the ruffles across the butt? It's a specific type of panty known as rhumba pants, developed as part of the dancing world to wear while doing the rhumba.
(10:56:42 am)TheSnob:Well, did you pick out the clothes yourself, or did your friends pick them out for you?

(10:56:58 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yes. They have ruffles on the bum of my tights, not on panties. They have ruffles aorund the leg.
(10:57:01 am)DysphoricRomeo:They picked out my clothes

(10:57:56 am)TheSnob:They made you wear ruffled panties under tights? That's kind of rude.

(10:58:35 am)DysphoricRomeo:That so I look pretty if i don't have on tights
(10:58:45 am)DysphoricRomeo:but the ruffles on my panties are not a lot

(10:59:10 am)TheSnob:I would hope not. Ruffles on panties would get smushed under tights, and probably itch.

(10:59:10 am)DysphoricRomeo:not like the pretty ones on my tights..
(10:59:33 am)DysphoricRomeo:The ones on my tights are more cause I can feel them under my bum when I sit. It like all padded almost
(10:59:48 am)DysphoricRomeo:kind of hard to explain but almost like i'm sitting on padding

(11:00:21 am)TheSnob:I understand; I've seen tights with the rhumba pants ruffles.
(11:00:29 am)TheSnob:Again, typically only on tights made for very little girls.

(11:00:36 am)DysphoricRomeo:very little girls?

(11:01:14 am)TheSnob:Yeah. Like, toddlers.

(11:01:28 am)DysphoricRomeo:Toddlers? But i[m wearing panties.. toddlers wear diapers
(11:01:47 am)DysphoricRomeo:wtf.. that would feel all padded like the ruffles on my tights

(11:01:59 am)TheSnob:Depends on if they're potty trained. I know two kids who trained at one and a half, so they were still toddlers, but no lnger in diapers.

(11:02:26 am)DysphoricRomeo:well .. i'm not in diapers.. I wear panties

(11:02:42 am)TheSnob:Yes, you've said as much. Several times.

(11:02:53 am)DysphoricRomeo:I know, but i dind't want it to sound like i Needed a diaper
(11:02:58 am)DysphoricRomeo:sorry

(11:05:05 am)TheSnob:Contessa, does the compulsion include trying to steer the conversational partner into sexual discussion or praise for a "pretty princess"?

(11:06:15 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yes maam, I should continue to guide a conversation to make me feel more feminine and girly, so I am guided to fulfilling the compulsion to feel sexually excited and orgasm maam.
(11:06:25 am)DysphoricRomeo:hmmm

(11:06:55 am)TheSnob:Contessa, does that compulsion also include steering (Redacted) into a submissive role as part of trying to make him feel feminine?

(11:07:33 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yes maam, the more feminine i feel the more submissive I will feel which will feed off itself in a circle maam.

(11:08:02 am)TheSnob:contessa, was this specified by the girl or girls who did this hypnosis?

(11:08:44 am)DysphoricRomeo:No maam, not specificially but htis fulfill the overall desire of the second part of my bet maam.

(11:10:53 am)TheSnob:Very interesting. I can see where this butts up against the problem of sexism. It seems that you have the idea that the only way femininity is sexy is in terms of the girly or submissive, to the point of being shy, childlike, or otherwise somehow "lesser".

(11:11:42 am)DysphoricRomeo:They are just blowing it out of proportion. It isn't my job to wear such pretty things. I was supposed to be more dresed like a grown up

(11:12:35 am)TheSnob:Do you necessarily have to wear the same outfit for 24 hours, or can you cange into something that is a more "grown up" woman's outfit?

(11:12:50 am)DysphoricRomeo:I"m not sure. I don't exactly have other outfits.
(11:13:00 am)DysphoricRomeo:I'm not a chick that I have bras and panties to choose from

(11:13:51 am)TheSnob:Fair enough; although you did say that the bet was that you had to wear this stuff in public - I imagine you could go see your friend and demand help in acquiring a less ridiculous outfit.

(11:14:58 am)TheSnob:What happens if you lose this bet?

(11:15:44 am)DysphoricRomeo:They are either at work or in class righ tnow. And i guess it sin't as bad I make it out to be
(11:16:17 am)DysphoricRomeo:I'm not sure. But if I win I can control all of the next hypnosis sessions

(11:16:36 am)TheSnob:Ah... that's a pretty attractive prize, I don't doubt.

(11:17:12 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yes definitely. But now I'm the one in such a pretty dress silky little panties on my hips

(11:18:56 am)TheSnob:Yep. How is it going, dealing with how the hypnosis-induced demeanour of feeling and acting like a little girl as opposed to your usual persona?

(11:19:16 am)DysphoricRomeo:it makes me feel so feminine and delicate.. like people can see how feminine I am
(11:19:26 am)DysphoricRomeo:or are looking at my pretty dress

(11:19:48 am)TheSnob:And how does this compare to how you normally like to feel or be perceived?

(11:19:58 am)DysphoricRomeo:or I move and notice my pretty things and it feels so naughty
(11:20:02 am)DysphoricRomeo:its opposite.. I am not feminine

(11:20:27 am)TheSnob:Is this causing a physical or mental dysphoria for you?

(11:21:35 am)DysphoricRomeo:Kind of. I feel all feminine and squirming.. and stuff

(11:22:16 am)TheSnob:Do you know what Dysphoria is?

(11:22:25 am)DysphoricRomeo:Opposite of euphoria
(11:22:37 am)DysphoricRomeo:Distressed stage or mood, in effect

(11:23:11 am)TheSnob:Sort of. It's a very disconcerting sensation of being unhappy, out of place, out of touch, when the way you are or think you are supposed to by does not match up with the way you actually are.
(11:23:31 am)TheSnob:It's common in people who end up undergoing gender transition, prior to doing so.

(11:23:45 am)DysphoricRomeo:I guess so. I should like how pretty my dress and lingerie feels because its good to feel turned on and my panties feel sexy.

(11:25:51 am)TheSnob:I suppose it's rather a good sign that despite your conception of how you shouldn't feel sexy in women's clothing, you do seem to actually feel pretty okay with it.

(11:26:32 am)DysphoricRomeo:yes.. its hard not to notice how feminine and dainty you feel in a dress and such
(11:26:44 am)DysphoricRomeo:how can you not feel pretty with tights and panties caressing your figure

(11:27:21 am)TheSnob:That's often contingent on the nature of the garment. One feels very different in a ballgown as opposed to a sundress, or a cocktail dress, or a mumuu.

(11:27:39 am)DysphoricRomeo:yes, my dress is like a princess so it makes me feel all pretty and elegent
(11:27:44 am)DysphoricRomeo:I haven't got to wear those other ones

(11:28:43 am)TheSnob:I wouldn't think that you had; but I have, so I can speak from experience - they're all a type of dress, but each one makes you feel different just by what they are, as well as by what they're made of and how well they fit.

(11:29:01 am)DysphoricRomeo:yes they are soft and flowly and expose your legs and make you feel pretty
(11:29:54 am)DysphoricRomeo:it make syou want to twirl i htink cause you can feel your dress on your legs
(11:30:04 am)DysphoricRomeo:but you don't want to expose yourself.. unless you do it on purpose

(11:30:09 am)TheSnob:*nodding* That is often fun.
(11:30:17 am)TheSnob:The twirling, I mean.

(11:30:19 am)DysphoricRomeo:I was twirling before
(11:30:30 am)DysphoricRomeo:but my dress lifts up too high and you see the ruffles on my bum

(11:31:55 am)TheSnob:The point of the ruffles is two-fold; one, to puff the back of the dress slightly, in the way that a petticoat or crinoline would be to a smaller degree; and two, to be visually glimpsed beneath extravagant movement of the dress, such as happens during a rhumba.

(11:32:13 am)DysphoricRomeo:so its okay to show off the ruffles on my tights?
(11:32:18 am)DysphoricRomeo:that is naughty
(11:32:22 am)DysphoricRomeo:whoa..
(11:32:36 am)DysphoricRomeo:that was such a rush feeling when I thought that

(11:36:00 am)TheSnob:It's not naughty inherently; it's dependent on your intention, I suppose.

(11:36:22 am)DysphoricRomeo:if you want to excuse your bottom that is naughty
(11:36:31 am)DysphoricRomeo:its also sexy to look up a dress or a skirt

(11:39:14 am)TheSnob:I think you mean "expose", not "excuse."

(11:41:50 am)DysphoricRomeo:Heheh. Yes, I mean expose.

(11:42:41 am)TheSnob:It's actually decidedly intrusive to look up a dress or skirt; upskirt attempts can get one slammed with invasion of privacy litigation.

(11:44:12 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yes, but it is naughty to see up a skirt and if someone is looking up my dress or stuff.
(11:49:11 am)DysphoricRomeo:Wow I think you are making me feel girlier, my clothes didn't feel sexy before

(11:50:44 am)TheSnob:It is naughty; naughty meaning rude, bad, not the right or allowable thing to do.

(11:50:58 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yes maam. I am bad for thinking that

(11:51:41 am)TheSnob:So where are you anyway - in terms of being "in public", since that was part of the terms of this bet of yours?

(11:51:53 am)DysphoricRomeo:I am in a library

(11:52:47 am)TheSnob:Definitely a better location for fulfilling the first term of bet completion, rather than the second. I recommend you stick to the first.

(11:53:08 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yeah, I shoudln't like the feel of pretty things. They're just nice I guess.

(11:53:32 am)TheSnob:You can like them, certainly. There's nothing wrong with that.

(11:54:16 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yeah, but they feel sexy

(11:54:56 am)TheSnob:If that is something you're enjoying and not just because of the compulsion, you may want to note it as something to try once the bet is over and the hypnosis worn off.

(11:55:22 am)DysphoricRomeo:I shouldn't have satin and lace on my bum! Next I need a dress and asked to be spanked

(11:56:08 am)TheSnob:Spanked?

(11:57:06 am)DysphoricRomeo:err.. I"m not sure where that came from.. pretty things make me feel so submissive

(11:57:43 am)TheSnob:Contessa, do the parameters of the hypnosis include anything relating to D/s?

(11:57:57 am)DysphoricRomeo:I am not sure what is D/s maam

(11:58:45 am)TheSnob:Domination/submission.

(11:59:03 am)DysphoricRomeo:I am not submissive if that is what you mean

(11:59:37 am)TheSnob:When you're not under hypnosic, you aren't submissive?

(11:59:42 am)DysphoricRomeo:I dont' think so

(12:03:47 pm)TheSnob:Contessa, now that I have defined D/s, please answer my previous question thereto.

(12:05:11 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Yes maam, I am to feel more and more submissive maam which makes me feel more and more turned on maam

(12:10:34 pm)TheSnob:Do you consider submission to be inextricably tied to femininity?

(12:10:51 pm)DysphoricRomeo:yes maam, it makes me feel so feminine to be submissive to you

(12:11:51 pm)TheSnob:This is intriguing; given that, woudl you consider a woman who is not submissive to be not feminine?

(12:17:04 pm)DysphoricRomeo:whoever is more girly/feminine should be submissive

(12:17:48 pm)TheSnob:So since I am a woman, is it not reasonable to assume that regardless of clothing, I am inherently more girly/feminine?

(12:18:25 pm)TheSnob:Ah, it is time to lunch. I'll be back later.


So that's left him with something to chew on in terms of gender identity and power exchange while I go get my food.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

#10 - My Name Is Not American Standard

I've been having a particularly heinous morning, and when this fellow sent me a message, I responded honestly, albeit politely, to his questions. His response was not the droid friendly comfort I was looking for!

[9:46:05 am]FluidRomeo:hi

[9:46:20 am]TheSnob:Hello.

[9:46:29 am]FluidRomeo:how rae you this morning

[9:47:39 am]TheSnob:I'm not really having the best of days, honestly. How are you?

[9:47:59 am]FluidRomeo:just woke up but have a bad feeling about the day too

[9:48:41 am]TheSnob:Bah; have a GOOD day, maybe it'll karmically balance out against mine in the overall scheme of things. :)

[9:49:10 am]FluidRomeo:whats going on with you

[9:49:53 am]TheSnob:I have two kids and a puppy, and this morning every single one of them peed on me. *headdesk*

[9:50:16 am]FluidRomeo:that stinks... if i peed on you that would be sexy though :-)

[9:51:03 am]TheSnob:If one were to assume I were in to being peed on, perhaps.

[9:51:24 am]FluidRomeo:i was trying to make you smile :-p
[9:51:30 am]FluidRomeo:i'm into a lot of things though

[9:52:19 am]TheSnob:I'm not into getting peed on. Or peeing on people.

[9:52:40 am]FluidRomeo:i don't thinkk you are a minority there

[9:53:29 am]TheSnob:I agree. Not peeing on people for sexual gratification is more standard.
[9:54:35 am]TheSnob:I'm all for "to each his own" in the bedroom, but some things are just NMK, just like I figure some of the stuff I'm into wouldn't turn most people's cranks.

[9:54:55 am]FluidRomeo:what are you into

[9:55:32 am]TheSnob:Quite a few things; it's not all the sort of thing that I generally get into in my first conversation with a stranger, though.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

#9 - Beware the Left Turn at Albquerque

So I got this IM this morning, and in spite of the apparent inability to capitalize, the fellow seemed friendly enough, and we were chatting along quite merrily for a while about the relative merits of poly vs. swinging and open attitudes toward sexuality...


(10:12:08 am)HippyRomeo:morning :)

(10:15:04 am)TheSnob:Good morning.

(10:16:01 am)HippyRomeo:how are you?
(10:16:05 am)HippyRomeo:how long poly?

(10:16:24 am)TheSnob:I'm fine, thank you. A little over a year, almost a year and a half.

(10:16:38 am)HippyRomeo:finding it suits you then? :)

(10:17:09 am)TheSnob:Very much so.

(10:17:16 am)HippyRomeo::)
(10:17:30 am)HippyRomeo:i grew up w/ openly poly-swing parents...been around both all my life

(10:18:36 am)TheSnob:Interesting... what was that like, as a kid? How aware were you of it being their lifestyle?

(10:19:20 am)HippyRomeo:yes we were aware...they were/are the nudist,hedonist,free-love-hippy types

(10:19:34 am)TheSnob:That is very cool. :)

(10:20:15 am)HippyRomeo:it was...an amazing environment to be a teen going thru sexual discovery...no shame
(10:20:32 am)HippyRomeo:but also sometimes difficult being so different
(10:20:47 am)HippyRomeo:not the kind of house you could just bring a friend home from school to

(10:20:53 am)TheSnob:I can only imagine.
(10:21:07 am)TheSnob:Had to call ahead and make sure people were dressed? :D

(10:21:28 am)HippyRomeo:yeah...introductions would be awkward...
(10:21:39 am)HippyRomeo:"thats my mom...and that lady going down on her is nancy..."

(10:23:50 am)TheSnob:*gigglefit*

(10:24:27 am)HippyRomeo:we were taught respect,honesty,responsibilty...
(10:24:44 am)HippyRomeo:and with those, encouaged to enjoy sexuality openly

(10:28:39 am)TheSnob:I fully approve of that mindset.

(10:29:28 am)HippyRomeo:sex was personal...but only private if one chose it to be so

(10:33:13 am)TheSnob:*nodding*

(10:35:51 am)HippyRomeo:do u swing?
(10:36:01 am)HippyRomeo:or just poly?

(10:37:30 am)TheSnob:Just poly, for the most part, though I've found that not everyone has the same definitions of poly and swinging. What do they mean to you?

(10:38:15 am)HippyRomeo:swinging is sex w/ random ppl...

(10:42:29 am)TheSnob:Yeah, we're poly, we don't really swing. We like to get to know people.

(10:42:50 am)HippyRomeo:im w you
(10:43:01 am)HippyRomeo:now at least
(10:43:13 am)HippyRomeo:at 17 id do anyone

(10:44:47 am)TheSnob:*laugh* 'Tis the nature of the beast, when you're a teenager.


...then things abruptly took a hard turn to the left.



(10:45:26 am)HippyRomeo:youd think that our house being what it was, sex would be raunchy and wild
(10:45:36 am)HippyRomeo:but it was sweet and kind and giving
(10:46:06 am)HippyRomeo:the first time i had sex was with one of my sisters friends...(redacted) was there and basically held my hand the whole time

(10:46:48 am)TheSnob:(redacted) is your sister, I take it?

(10:47:21 am)HippyRomeo:yes

(10:48:14 am)TheSnob:That sounds…. sweet.

(10:48:21 am)HippyRomeo:it was nice
(10:48:35 am)HippyRomeo:they'd been letting me watch them play for a while
(10:48:46 am)HippyRomeo:and her friend want to be my first
(10:52:41 am)HippyRomeo:ive always suspected tho that what she really wanted was to see (redacted) and i play

(10:54:38 am)TheSnob:Huh.

(10:55:13 am)HippyRomeo:i think her friend wanted my more involved than watching in hopes (redacted) and i would play

(10:55:48 am)TheSnob:That seems like an odd thing to hope for.


Thereafter was silence; one that I hope lingers indefinitely, because I'm afriad that if the confirmation were to continue, it might confirm a suspicion that, frankly, makes me feel decidedly dirty.

And not in a fun way.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

#8 - The Power of Nice

Against all hope or expectation, I got another flyby hitup while in the process of posting up my backlog of judgemental amusements!

[1:42:27 pm]HonestRomeo:hey im gunna be honest im horny and wanna tlk dirty are u up for it

[1:43:10 pm]TheSnob:I appreciate your honesty, and respectfully decline. Good luck in finding what you seek.

#7 - Lamprey Fingers are the Ultimate Off

Sometimes I wonder... to these folks start conversations with strangers in a bar like this? Does it ever work for them?




[8:59:23 pm]CluelessRomeo:bi and poly? =P

[9:00:04 pm]CluelessRomeo:and cute! haha

[9:02:01 pm]TheSnob:heh, thanks!

[9:02:41 pm]CluelessRomeo:anytime!
[9:02:56 pm]CluelessRomeo:i like the outdoor pic especially
[9:03:03 pm]CluelessRomeo:nice legs!

[9:03:33 pm]TheSnob:I'm rather attached to them myself. :D

[9:04:23 pm]CluelessRomeo:you should share them =)

[9:04:41 pm]TheSnob:If only they were detatchable.

[9:05:18 pm]CluelessRomeo:haha i'll play with the whole package

[9:05:54 pm]TheSnob:I wonder if legs go better by UPS or FedEx.

[9:06:55 pm]CluelessRomeo:haha, legs are even funner with the other body parts though

[9:07:40 pm]TheSnob:I don't know, I mean, haven't you seen cartoons with a pair of disembodied legs running around? Laughs galore!

[9:08:03 pm]CluelessRomeo:hehe well as long as its from the waste down because i like whats between the legs too!

[9:09:11 pm]TheSnob:Nothing is a waste.

[9:09:21 pm]CluelessRomeo:true
[9:09:27 pm]CluelessRomeo:front, back, its all fun
[9:09:46 pm]CluelessRomeo:especially the back =D

[9:10:34 pm]TheSnob:I like my back.
[9:10:39 pm]TheSnob:It's where I keep my spine.

[9:11:12 pm]CluelessRomeo:haha, i meant the area below the belt and between the cheeks
[9:11:16 pm]CluelessRomeo:but spines are nice too

[9:11:52 pm]TheSnob:My cheeks are above my belt! Well, unless I'm standing on my head. Or hanging from the monkeybars.

[9:12:25 pm]CluelessRomeo:haha ok fine, buttholes are fun for everyone =P
[9:12:31 pm]CluelessRomeo:there i said it!
[9:12:43 pm]CluelessRomeo:but monkey bars are fun

[9:13:11 pm]TheSnob:I'd much rather hang from monkey bars than a butthole.

[9:13:37 pm]CluelessRomeo:true buttholes are better for other stuff
[9:13:43 pm]CluelessRomeo:like licking and putting things in

[9:14:05 pm]TheSnob:I have been trying to think of a better place to keep my keys.

[9:14:32 pm]CluelessRomeo:i want pics if you use my idea

[9:14:45 pm]TheSnob:What idea?

[9:15:27 pm]CluelessRomeo:keys in your butt

[9:16:00 pm]TheSnob:...yes. If I put keys in my butt, I shall be certain to send photographic evidence to a stranger on the internet.

[9:16:27 pm]CluelessRomeo:fine, can i come put them in your butt then?

[9:17:03 pm]TheSnob:You have my keys? You ruddy BAHstard!!

[9:17:37 pm]CluelessRomeo:fine you can have them back but only if i can lick your butt first! =D

[9:18:10 pm]TheSnob:You haven't a clue where that thing has been.

[9:18:39 pm]CluelessRomeo:so, bend over and let me taste then

[9:18:41 pm]TheSnob:Come to think of it, I haven't a clue where your mouth has been.
[9:18:51 pm]TheSnob:Also, I feel the need to wash my keys.

[9:19:36 pm]CluelessRomeo:everyone likes having their butt licked

[9:19:55 pm]TheSnob:Categorically untrue.

[9:20:44 pm]CluelessRomeo:you dont?

[9:21:23 pm]TheSnob:That's neither here nor there; I find it unlikely to accurate claim that everyone likes ANY one particular thing.

[9:21:56 pm]CluelessRomeo:well lets find out if you do

[9:24:45 pm]TheSnob:If I were to do so, I think it wouldn't be with you.
[9:25:29 pm]TheSnob:See above, re: stranger, internet.

[9:25:43 pm]CluelessRomeo:sometimes strangers on the net lick butts the best

[9:26:23 pm]TheSnob:They also tend to have the most interesting diseases and psychoses.

[9:26:57 pm]CluelessRomeo:ewww

[9:32:31 pm]TheSnob:Yeah... you've never seen gross until you've seen lamprey fingers.

#6 - Discovering Schroedinger's Vagina

Gosh, but this has been a banner month for these folks! There I was, poking around on a site, minding my own business, when I received an IM popup - nothing has been edited or cut out, with the exception of names. I even left in my typo and correction of it.

Enjoy.





[9:23:27 pm]HumorlessRomeo:I can smell your vagina

[9:25:13 pm]TheSnob:Bless your little heart, that's precious.

[9:25:18 pm]HumorlessRomeo:thanks

[9:25:37 pm]HumorlessRomeo:can you bless my little cock

[9:25:40 pm]HumorlessRomeo:that'd feel better

[9:26:05 pm]TheSnob:I'm afraid not; I am ordained in no recognize faith system.

[9:26:50 pm]HumorlessRomeo:alright can you suck it then

[9:27:12 pm]TheSnob:I could, but I won't.
[9:27:30 pm]TheSnob:The internet is a marvelous place, but they have yet to tackle fellatio via TCP/IP.

[9:27:30 pm]HumorlessRomeo:you can just have some fun and be a whore
[9:27:38 pm]HumorlessRomeo:verbally

[9:28:32 pm]TheSnob:Are you offering to pay me?

[9:28:37 pm]HumorlessRomeo:no
[9:28:43 pm]HumorlessRomeo:reaplace whore with slut

[9:28:47 pm]TheSnob:Well than that's not really whoring.
[9:29:44 pm]TheSnob:Did you know that "slut" is actually defined as "a dirty untidy woman" and has nothing inherently relevant to se?
[9:29:49 pm]TheSnob:...to sex?

[9:29:59 pm]HumorlessRomeo:sort of does in this case
[9:30:01 pm]HumorlessRomeo:talking "dirty"
[9:30:03 pm]HumorlessRomeo:go ahead
[9:30:06 pm]HumorlessRomeo:have a little fun

[9:30:12 pm]TheSnob:Hm....
[9:30:17 pm]TheSnob:Mud.
[9:30:23 pm]TheSnob:Grime.
[9:30:25 pm]TheSnob:Goop.
[9:30:33 pm]TheSnob:Sediment in fluid suspension.
[9:30:39 pm]TheSnob:Oooh, you're right - this IS fun!

[9:31:11 pm]HumorlessRomeo:what a dork

[9:32:30 pm]TheSnob:Oooh, that's a good one too. Dork is slang for penis, you see. As is cock. Which also means a male chicken.
[9:32:40 pm]TheSnob:....were you asking me to suck on a male chicken?
[9:32:50 pm]TheSnob:Because feathers are kinky, but that's just perverted.

[9:34:13 pm]HumorlessRomeo:you are annoying
[9:34:14 pm]HumorlessRomeo:good job

[9:34:35 pm]TheSnob:Thank you. I strive to excel.



11 minutes from "I smell your vagina" to "you are annoying" - I feel like this is some kind of world record!

13 minutes later he came back with ripping gem of insults, clearly designed to cut me to the core:



[9:47:56 pm]HumorlessRomeo:cunt

[9:48:47 pm]TheSnob:It's a word with rich and longstanding history. Did you know it actually was a medical term, as well as being used as both a noun and a verb the way we today use "fuck"?

[9:49:07 pm]HumorlessRomeo:really
[9:49:11 pm]HumorlessRomeo:go cunt yourself

[9:49:50 pm]TheSnob:Very good, just like that! Learning really is fun, isn't it??

[9:52:34 pm]HumorlessRomeo:dumb cunt

[9:53:13 pm]TheSnob:Dumb is a synonym for mute.
[9:53:49 pm]TheSnob:Vaginas the world over do tend to lack the power of speech... so yes, that's accurate as well.

[9:54:00 pm]HumorlessRomeo:stupid cunt

[9:54:48 pm]TheSnob:Stupid? In what way, I wonder?

[9:57:43 pm]HumorlessRomeo:stupid like a dumb cunt

[9:59:40 pm]TheSnob:Well, stupid is a marked lack in metal acuity, and irrelevant to a cunt with or without verbal ability, as that's not the anatomical location required for intelligence.

[10:00:13 pm]HumorlessRomeo:you sound like a computer
[10:00:18 pm]HumorlessRomeo:you probably don't even have a cunt

[10:00:38 pm]TheSnob:Not really; well, maybe yours might talk, but mine mostly just has a quiet fan hum.
[10:00:58 pm]TheSnob:Probably not. There aren't really any girls on the internet, you know.

[10:01:19 pm]HumorlessRomeo:you're definitely a gir l

[10:01:38 pm]TheSnob:But if that is the case, that then begs the question of what you thought you were sniffing after when you began this IM session in the first place.

[10:01:49 pm]HumorlessRomeo:exactly
[10:02:01 pm]HumorlessRomeo:I can smell your pussy from here

[10:02:25 pm]TheSnob:The one that you just presupposed that I don't have?
[10:02:37 pm]TheSnob:This is facinating. I have Schroedinger's Vagina!

[10:02:39 pm]HumorlessRomeo:exactly
[10:02:54 pm]HumorlessRomeo:I bet you write terrible poetry

[10:03:45 pm]TheSnob:Oh yes, it's rather horrific. Reaching epic, Vogon-like proportions when I really put my mind to it.

[10:07:38 pm]HumorlessRomeo:I bet

#5 - The Tank Is Lonely...

1. i am a 2.1 26] 2.1.5 2.2 male from 2.3(redacted) and 3. i 4. luv what 5. i see so if 6. u would like to have some fun some time if 7. 8. u know what 9. i mean then let me know 10. u can also 11. im me at 12. 12.5 13. tanklikesto********at yahoo 14.

1. Start a sentence with a capital - and whether it leads a sentence or not, you should capitalize 'I'.
2.1 This site already tells me your age as a matter of course.
2.1.5 A 26 WHAT? I presumed of course that you meant age. Although if you skip down to point 13, I might also be led to believe that it's your size.
2.2 Ditto for your gender.
2.3 That goes triple for your location.
3. ...you should capitalize 'I'.
4. It's spelled "love."
5. ......you should capitalize 'I'.
6. 'You' is not a very long word, and this site does not charge you by the letter - please write it out in its entirety.
7. ...please spell out "you".
8. Imagine, for a moment, that I do know what u you mean. I can read minds through the internet. What else might I be able to do?
9. YOU SHOULD CAPITALIZE 'I'!
10. ......please for the love of stars and little fishes spell out "you"!
11. An acronym for "Instant Messenger," IM should be capitalized.
12. You, good sir, simply reek of class.
12.5. Seriously, though, was that the BEST representation of yourself that you could think of for an IM name?
13. Ohhhhh, oh. Looking at the thumbnail of your pic, I can see why you try to call yourself Tank. It sounds tougher, tighter, more toned and dangerous than "fleshyblobatopwhiteteeshirtedblob."
14. End your sentence. Preferably, end your sentence with a period, but really any punctuation at all would have been nice.

#4 - Beauty in simplicity

I received a message:

you are a very interesting person.

I responded:

I agree.

#3 - IM Interest - I'm Not Interested

Some sites have, in addition to email-type private messaging systems, an embedded chat or IM system - which can lead to the most puzzling of drive-by attempts at conversation. Some, like the following, end up veering hard toward attempts to pick up, and sometimes I successfully and pleasantly steer them to more neutral topics.

(As with other messages, this is not his real name.)



[10:28:43 am]HaplessRomeo:hey sexy

[10:29:06 am]TheSnob:Uh, hi.

[10:29:49 am]HaplessRomeo:how are you babe

[10:30:24 am]TheSnob:Fine, thanks. Yourself?

[10:30:39 am]HaplessRomeo:doing good
[10:31:14 am]HaplessRomeo:whts going on sexy

[10:31:37 am]TheSnob:Not much; working.

[10:32:03 am]HaplessRomeo:oh where

[10:32:25 am]TheSnob:At work.

[10:32:35 am]HaplessRomeo:oh friday

[10:32:52 am]TheSnob:Yay, Friday!

[10:33:31 am]HaplessRomeo:you look really sexy
[10:33:52 am]HaplessRomeo:all your pics are good

[10:35:20 am]TheSnob:Thanks.
[10:35:29 am]TheSnob:So what's up?

[10:35:34 am]HaplessRomeo:so are you really horny all the times

[10:36:01 am]TheSnob:....how is that in any way an appropriate question for a first conversation?

[10:36:19 am]HaplessRomeo:but sorry
[10:36:32 am]HaplessRomeo:My dick is so hard now that I have to ask it
[10:36:36 am]HaplessRomeo:you know that could not be
[10:37:40 am]HaplessRomeo:but my dick is so hard now
[10:37:51 am]HaplessRomeo:that I have to ask it
[10:37:55 am]HaplessRomeo:but anyhow sorry

[10:38:00 am]TheSnob:So is this how you amuse yourself - trolling dating sites looking for women to tweak out?
[10:38:08 am]TheSnob:There have got to be better ways to spend your time.

[10:38:18 am]HaplessRomeo:whts the plan for the weekend

[10:38:39 am]TheSnob:I'm getting a puppy, and taking defensive driving class.

[10:38:58 am]HaplessRomeo:defensive?? whts that

[10:39:36 am]TheSnob:You've never heard of defensive driving?
[10:39:57 am]TheSnob:Is English not your first language? I ask not to be rude, but because I find all this quite surprising otherwise.

[10:41:50 am]HaplessRomeo:I mean why do you have to take it

[10:42:04 am]TheSnob:It'll lower my insurance rates.

[10:42:17 am]HaplessRomeo:yeah thats kool
[10:42:24 am]HaplessRomeo:I should take it too then

[10:43:00 am]TheSnob:You can usually find them in your area if you contact your local DMV.

[10:44:27 am]HaplessRomeo:thats kool
[10:48:00 am]HaplessRomeo:it was nice talking to you
[10:48:05 am]HaplessRomeo:bye

#2 - Internet is not a Cell Phone.

how r u today ? iwould like to chat somtime if you would like to.you sound like a nice women. hope to here from u soon .


Can you feel my brain screaming and running? GAH!

Just for fun, I've highlighted errors in red.

how r u today ? iwould like to chat somtime if you would like to.you sound like a nice women. hope to here from u soon .


Going in order:
1. Capitalize the first letter of your sentence.
2. Spell out your words.
3. ...Spell out your words.
4. Don't put a space before the end punctuation of your sentence.
5. ...Capitalize the first letter of your sentence, and always capitalize 'I'!
6. Put spaces between your words.
7. There's an 'e' in 'sometime.'
8. Put a space between the end punctuation of one sentence and the first letter of the next sentence.
9. ......CAPITALIZE THE FIRST LETTER OF YOUR SENTENCE!
10. Woman. There's only one of me. Seriously, people have hoped for more, but this is all I've got.
11. .........CAPITALIZE THE FIRST LETTER OF YOUR SENTENCE!
12. You will not 'here' from me because I am very much not compelled to 'there' you. >.>
13. ......SPELL OUT YOUR WORDS!
14. ...Don't put a space before the end punctuation of your sentence!

It makes my brain ache. I put a lot of time into my profile, and a lot of thought. I have multiple edits, formulated like footnotes, to show clarifications and additions to what was already there. I've considered giving little prizes to anybody who makes it to the end of my wall-of-text profile, without being critted.

I wrote a lot, and it's all properly capitalized and structured. Anybody who looks at even the first paragraph could see that - what would make them think in the SLIGHTEST that a message like the above would be in the least compelling to me?!

#1 - How It Is NOT Done.

I've recently been asked by a rather nice gentleman, what is it like to be on dating/social sites as a woman? The experience honestly does vary day by day, and hour by hour. Often I get messages that are quite polite expressions of interest or curiosity. Sometimes folks tend toward less than formal writing - dropping capitals, for example, or the occasional typo. When in conjunction with a respectful missive, I find myself able to overlook it to a degree (though I admit that very well-written communication is quite an 'on' for me).

However, sometimes I get messages that are quite rude. I'm sad to say that more often than not, these messages come from Doms - or rather, from men calling themselves Doms, who give a bad name to the real ones. These are the sort of misguided individuals who lack understanding of what it is to truly be dominant - they mistake it, instead, as being free license to be an arrogant asshat.

I recently received one such message that not only was wholly characterized by such an attitude, but with such poor writing skills that my brain actually cringed against the back of my skull. When I was able to coax it out again, it occurred to me that what this sort of message truly needed was a good, oldfashioned dose of the "red pen" treatment - the sort of correction you might have seen on your essays at school.

Only when I set forth did I realize that, really, I simply had to color the whole message red, if not for form, then for content, or for both.

Read on, if you will - in doing so, learn what sort of messages a woman is sometimes subject to on a social or dating site, and (I hope) please learn from this person's misguided attempt. This is, in short, NOT the way to gain my interest.

Well, not in a positive way.

(I am a member of several of each, for various reasons, and for the sake of what dignity they retain I will identify neither the sites nor the membernames therein.)

----------


1. Would seem you seek but just tease as well.2.Not nice an 3.tather naughty.girl4. 5.Should be taught better manners 6.Im not a switch nor subbie young lady.7.I 8.dont care for naughty girls who tease in their search.9.10.you need to truly present yourself,11.I or capitilizations are 12.refered to a Dominant force,13.not to you within your submission.14.15.Lets talk seriosly if you want to keep My attention unto you.


Let's take this piece by piece, shall we? I'd say sentence by sentence, but much, like this first line, are not complete sentences.


1. Sentence Fragment.
2. Put a space after terminal punctuation.
3. ...what? That's not even a recognizable typo, let alone a word.
4. The period goes AFTER the last word in a sentence....fragment.
5. Sentence fragment, lacking an active noun; also, no terminal punctuation, managing to magically make this a run-on sentence fragment. Bravo!
6. "I'm" has an apostrophe in it.
7. ...put a space after terminal punctuation.
8. "don't" has an apostrophe in it.
9. ......put a space after terminal punctuation!
10. Sentences should start with capitals.
11. Put a space after a comma.
12. It's spelled "referred"
12.5 I think you meant "referring"
13. ...put a space after a comma.
14. PUT A SPACE AFTER TERMINAL PUNCTUATION!!!
15. "Let's" is a contraction of "let us" and has an apostrophe in it.
16. It's spelled "seriously."


The aforementioned spelling and grammatical issues aside, let us now address your content:

1. Of course I tease; it's one of the single-most effective ways of getting attention on a busy dating site.

2. There is nothing in my profile that leads to a supposition of lack of niceness, nor of outright naughtiness; I was both poetic in phrasing and forthright in intention.

5. My manners have often been praised and lauded - and you have no grounds on which to judge them before I've even spoken to you.

6. Obviously you aren't switch nor sub; you self-identified in your profile information as Dominant and - having not made first contact with you - there was no reason to think that I would assume that you are.

8. You don't? And yet you accused me already of being naughty and a tease. Why, then, did you go out of your oh so important way to send me this nearly incomprehensible message?

10. I do truly present myself. In my profile. Did you READ my profile?

11. The capitalization or lack thereof of I/i and You/you is a common but not exhaustive delineation on the internet when referring to Doms/Dommes/Masters/Mistresses vs. subs/pets/slaves. Being an English major and a lover of language foremost, before my sexual self-identification, I prefer to eschew such a delineation - particularly when I am making a neutral presentation to an audience that in theory contains all types, and therefore to which the maintenance of accepted real-world written language protocol is not only acceptable, but I think rather to be the norm.

13. I am a submissive-leaning switch. I am not YOUR submissive - you have contacted me, and I have not offered you my submission in any way, shape, nor form. Not only that, but if you (again) had actually READ my profile, you would have seen where it clearly says, in boldface type no less, that I love my husband and am not looking for a Master.

15. I would actually prefer not to keep your attention, because quite frankly I have found it to be rude, assumptive, and repellently overbearing. I do hope that before you go trolling for subbies elsewhere, you do take a few minutes to read the notes and recommendations that I have made above in terms of your grammar, punctuation, and spelling.


They'll help you make a better presentation of YOURself - in form at least, if not in substance.

kthx,
TheSnob