Thursday, September 17, 2009

#24 - Too Many Roosters In My Henhouse

Sometimes, for whatever reasons, I get messages that have accompanying, uh, visual aids. This one in particular had alongside it the man's avatar, featuring presumably himself seated in an armchair. The shot went from neck to mid-shin, and the view of his form, in a state of obvious excitation, wsa entirely unhindered by any clothing whatsoever.

InsecureRomeo:Just out of curiosity, to you think my cock is a decent size?

TheSnob: I don't keep chickens, so I really have no basis for comparison.

InsecureRomeo:Thank you, you've been very helpful.


I must admit, I did go to his profile to get a larger-scale view - and on any scale, it was, in fact, impressive.

I'm glad I save it locally, because a few minutes later he deleted it. I thought long *koff* and hard *koffkoff* about having it accompany this post, as by having it on his profile he'd theoretically put it into public domain. But (A) that's too disrespectful of any veneer of privacy he might maintain, and (2) that would probably shunt this blog right into the category of pornography, and get me booted from blogger.

And I don't want that any more than you do.

#23 - He Thinks I Have Good Taste (And I Agree)

(11:03:19 am)MouthyRomeo:hello.

(11:15:16 am)TheSnob:Hello.

(11:15:29 am)MouthyRomeo:How are you?

(11:15:52 am)TheSnob:Quite well, thank you, and yourself?

(11:16:11 am)MouthyRomeo:very well. are you kinky?

(11:16:46 am)TheSnob:Relatively speaking. Do you like doughnuts?

(11:17:03 am)MouthyRomeo:lol. very much.

(11:17:31 am)TheSnob:Me too. Boston Cremes are good, but sometimes a regular glazed one just goes so nicely with the morning coffee.

(11:21:00 am)MouthyRomeo:i love doughnuts.

(11:21:21 am)TheSnob:Me too. Trying to cut back though.

(11:24:06 am)MouthyRomeo:do you like kinky sex?

(11:26:08 am)TheSnob:Some kinds. There are many kinks.

(11:28:06 am)MouthyRomeo:what do you like?

(11:28:47 am)TheSnob:This isn't usually a subject of first conversation for me.

(11:29:06 am)MouthyRomeo:i'd love to lick you.

(11:29:28 am)TheSnob:That's rather bold, even reckless - you don't know where I've been.

(11:29:56 am)MouthyRomeo:where have you been?

(11:32:16 am)TheSnob:The (city redacted) area for the last few years, but I grew up in (state redacted), with vacations to several places through the years.


Things I'm sure he wanted me to say:

Yes, I'm kinky - come find out how much!
Oh baby. Please put your tongue on me.
I've been sexy, dirty places. Come catch a special disease I've been saving just for you.


....okay, maybe not that last one.

I wonder what he thinks I'd taste like?

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

#22 - I Refused To Help Cheaters In School, Too

I am a woman on dating sites. I am also a married woman, and I make this clear in my profiles. Sometimes, it seems to draw a boldness from married men... who are on such sites without full disclusure to their spouses, unlike me and mine, who communicated frequently and deeply. We've found such communication to be vital to the continued health of our core relationship. We worked long and hard to get to a point that we were both confident in that core to turn our gaze outward as well.

So this kind of thing, based on lies and fear and assumption... it just makes me so sad.


[11:00:41 am]CheatingRomeo:hi there...i'm (redacted)....enjoyed your profile...how're you?

[11:03:17 am]TheSnob:Hello (redacted), I'm glad it was entertaining. I'm doing well. How're you?

[11:03:33 am]CheatingRomeo:doing great thx...what'cha up to?

[11:05:13 am]TheSnob:Working, drinking coffee.

[11:06:01 am]CheatingRomeo:so....you are married yes?

[11:07:43 am]TheSnob:Yes, I am.

[11:07:56 am]CheatingRomeo:i am married as well <===very naughty

[11:08:37 am]TheSnob:I'm not naughty in that respect. My husband and I are polyamorous and communicate.

[11:08:54 am]CheatingRomeo:lucky for you...that's no doubt better
[11:09:07 am]CheatingRomeo:what's your naughty side like...submissive....or dominant...

[11:09:33 am]TheSnob:It can be hard work, but any relationship is, really, and we find it to be worth the efforth.
[11:09:39 am]TheSnob:*effort
[11:10:27 am]TheSnob:Fascinating. Usually first conversations involve things like, "So what's your favorite color?" or "Did you see that recent popular movie?" or "What do you think of what Kanye did at the VMAs?"

[11:10:52 am]CheatingRomeo:lol....i'm pretty direct...hope it doesn't offend you lol
[11:11:03 am]CheatingRomeo:let me try it again your way
[11:11:10 am]CheatingRomeo:what's your favorite color?
[11:11:17 am]CheatingRomeo:are you submissive or dominant?

[11:11:19 am]TheSnob:I don't find it offensive, I just think it's an inappropriate thing to ask someone you don't know.

[11:11:25 am]CheatingRomeo:;-)

[11:12:26 am]TheSnob:My favorite color is green. I'm a sub-leaning switch. I have stretch marks. I have a scar on my palm and no idea where it came from. I used to think I'd be living in a brownstone in the city by this point. Sometimes I eat my fingernails.

[11:12:42 am]CheatingRomeo:ha! nice
[11:13:03 am]CheatingRomeo:green is also my favorite color....i don't eat my fingenails...i'm dom by nature but very sub curious

[11:14:45 am]TheSnob:Have you discussed your curiosity with your wife? That would be my first move, in your place.

[11:15:08 am]CheatingRomeo:she has zero interest believe me

[11:15:19 am]TheSnob:So you have discussed it with her?

[11:15:24 am]CheatingRomeo:yes

[11:16:53 am]TheSnob:Have you talked about you pursuing that interest outside of your marriage?

[11:17:25 am]CheatingRomeo:no....too risky...i know you've done it etc etc..just trust me that woudn't work

[11:17:53 am]TheSnob:And you don't think that sneaking around like this is at least as risky, if not more?

[11:18:21 am]CheatingRomeo:no; i think it's less risky

[11:18:37 am]TheSnob:Speaking as a married woman myself, I'd be far more hurt if my husband were cheating and lying than if he brought up to me that he's interested in something that I have no interest in, and therefore would like to work out a way to explore it with someone else.

[11:19:00 am]CheatingRomeo:that's only b/c you're open minded to the idea

[11:19:40 am]TheSnob:Yes. And I think you're doing both her and yourself a disservice by assuming that she won't take the time to listen to and discuss your needs.


That seemed to end the discussion; at least, he said nothing more. For the sake of curiosity, I perused his profile, and saw that though he told me he was married, he has himeself listed as single. Lying at home, lying to the world; may he never find what he seeks, or may his wife discover his searching before he can truly damage her.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

#21 - Is This A Common Turkish Greeting?

[2:03:40 pm]TurkishRomeo:do u wanna see my cum

[2:04:40 pm]TheSnob:See, the way this usually goes is you say, "Hi, I'm so and so, and (interesting tidbit). How're you today?" And then I respond, and we have a lovely conversation.
[2:05:03 pm]TheSnob:It has the wonderful side effect of letting you not look like a douchenozzle from moment one of our interaction.

[2:05:37 pm]TurkishRomeo:please dont mıss understand me
[2:05:57 pm]TurkishRomeo:just ı am so hard
[2:05:59 pm]TurkishRomeo:rıght now

[2:06:09 pm]TheSnob:I'd hate to misunderstand - feel free to explain yourself and clarify.
[2:06:28 pm]TheSnob:I suggest massage therapy, and perhaps ibuprofen for inflamation.

[2:06:31 pm]TurkishRomeo:ı am sorry ıf ı hurted yo

[2:07:36 pm]TheSnob:I'm unhurt; merely offended.

[2:07:44 pm]TurkishRomeo:good
[2:07:45 pm]TurkishRomeo:ok
[2:07:48 pm]TurkishRomeo:how are you today
[2:07:54 pm]TurkishRomeo:ı thınk ı can try one more tıme

[2:08:14 pm]TheSnob:Fine, thank you. The weather is nice, and I have managed to keep from catching a cold so far. How are you?

[2:08:58 pm]TurkishRomeo:ı am ok thank you
[2:09:08 pm]TurkishRomeo:just ı came from work
[2:09:10 pm]TurkishRomeo:and ı restıng ın my bed

[2:10:43 pm]TheSnob:I am still at work myself.

[2:11:25 pm]TurkishRomeo:you tıred?

[2:12:13 pm]TheSnob:A little, but I manage well enough nonetheless.

[2:12:47 pm]TurkishRomeo:where do u lıve

[2:13:04 pm]TheSnob:The United States. You're Turkish, I gather?

[2:13:51 pm]TurkishRomeo:ı am half englısh haf turkısh

...and then he went offline. I can only assume he was, uh, done. *cough*

#20 - The Bullshit Hypnotist Strikes Back

I'm sure you folks will remember this guy; he'd deleted his profile, and started a new one with a name even closer to the real name he'd given me in our previous conversation, so I realized who he was before he realized that he'd talked to me before - you DO recall DysphoricRomeo, don't you? He was that one that insisted that his girl friends had dared and hypnotized him into dressing like a woman.





(10:56:45 am)DysphoricRomeo:Greetings and hello. How are you doing today?

(10:58:01 am)TheSnob:Hello and good morning. I'm doing fairly well, fighting off a cold. And yourself?

(10:58:52 am)DysphoricRomeo:Not too bad considering how crazy this day is turning out. Thanks for asking. What are you up to?

(11:00:48 am)TheSnob:Working, for the most part. And learning about the mathematical properties of the number 666.

(11:03:46 am)DysphoricRomeo:Nice. I am trying to look busy so then I don't have to run errands for the other secretaries. If I don't look busy the ladies get me running around cause I can't walk in these shoes.

(11:04:36 am)TheSnob:You should probably wear more comfortable shoes, if that kind of thing happens commonly.

(11:04:52 am)DysphoricRomeo:Let's just say i havea new apprecation for women wearing heels

(11:05:24 am)TheSnob:Are you wearing heeled shoes? I know guys who refuse to wear shoes, even dress shoes, that aren't flat-soled.

(11:05:39 am)DysphoricRomeo:I am wearing chick's heels.

(11:05:54 am)TheSnob:Ah. Why?

(11:06:00 am)DysphoricRomeo:I suppose it doesn’t hurt to say, but I am dressed completely like a chick today. The result of being fundamentally addicted to fulfilling dares.

(11:08:05 am)TheSnob:You got dared to dress like a woman?

(11:08:36 am)DysphoricRomeo:My coworkers dared me I could not spend a day following their dress code. And when I told my girlfriends (outside of work) and they were WAY too eager to help and not allow this to be half ass.

(11:09:16 am)TheSnob:Good on you for manning up enough to go through with it.

(11:10:20 am)DysphoricRomeo:hahah manning up?!? I should NOT be able to look down and see smooth, stocking covered legs in heels, coming out of my skirt. Never mind the other frilly layers under all of it.

(11:11:11 am)TheSnob:Other frilly layers? They put you in a slip under your skirt, I take it?

(11:11:36 am)DysphoricRomeo:well, the slip and panties and all that..
(11:11:40 am)DysphoricRomeo:under THE skirt.. :P

(11:13:44 am)TheSnob:So are these the same marvelous friends that hypnotized you three weeks ago? And is it the same outfit, or an entirely new one?

(11:14:18 am)DysphoricRomeo:man.. I was hoping I wouldn't talk to people who knew about that event.. differnet outfit.. "marvelous" friends??

(11:15:13 am)TheSnob:Your friends who hypnotized and dared you. Did htey hypnotize you this time, or is this all under your own mental power?

(11:15:37 am)DysphoricRomeo:This is my own mental power. THey helped, but this is because I can't control myself with dares

(11:16:14 am)TheSnob:So you have to wear women's clothes all day? That doesn't sound terrible.

(11:16:35 am)DysphoricRomeo:I think they "assisted" though, because this feels way too natural

(11:17:48 am)TheSnob:Assisted, meaning you think they hypnotized you again?

(11:20:30 am)DysphoricRomeo:yes.. I think they used an inversion to make me act the role more.. which my coworkers don't seem to realize.
(11:20:53 am)DysphoricRomeo:They are like "You wear that outfit so well, it makes you look pretty"

(11:21:31 am)TheSnob:You should probably ask your friends... make sure they didn't building any kind of inappropriate triggers on you.

(11:21:48 am)DysphoricRomeo:and in the back of my head i'm glad my lingerie matches

(11:23:03 am)TheSnob:If you have to wear it, it is at least nice to have a matched set, I'm sure.

(11:24:28 am)DysphoricRomeo:haha thanks ;P funny girl.. I'm not supposed to have a pretty set of lingerie.. wow I am blushing so easily

(11:26:08 am)TheSnob:I always like to look for silver linings.

(11:26:59 am)DysphoricRomeo:Lingerie isn't supposed to be so damn silky/girly feeling

(11:28:40 am)TheSnob:Yes it is.

(11:34:50 am)DysphoricRomeo:but not on me.. its all dainty and sexy
(11:36:13 am)DysphoricRomeo:Do yo uremember the trigger?

(11:36:18 am)TheSnob:Of course. Being on a man doesn't automatically make dresses manly.

(11:36:24 am)TheSnob:Yes, I do.

(11:36:48 am)DysphoricRomeo:yeah, well, it is just all soft and silky feeling.. this is how a girl should feel.. all submissive and pretty in her lingerie
(11:39:12 am)DysphoricRomeo:Do you remember how to use it?

(11:39:28 am)TheSnob:Yes, I do.

(11:39:49 am)DysphoricRomeo:Can you make my lingerie feel like it should.

(11:40:09 am)TheSnob:I don't think that's something the trigger could do.

(11:40:12 am)DysphoricRomeo:its just all so pretty and feminine.
(11:40:30 am)DysphoricRomeo:yeah.. just use the trigger and tell me for instance.. how my panties should feel

(11:41:12 am)TheSnob:Countess, this is the trigger, right?

(11:41:27 am)DysphoricRomeo:yes maam, that is the trigger maam.
(11:41:39 am)DysphoricRomeo:you just need to make it a statement.. how should pretty panties feel

(11:43:25 am)TheSnob:Countess, enjoy the way the clothing feels.

(11:44:24 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yes maam, I should enjoy the clothing I am wearing.
(11:44:34 am)DysphoricRomeo:haha. yeah.. you have to be more specific with the trigger.. that was too general
(11:51:38 am)DysphoricRomeo:Hello?

(11:56:10 am)TheSnob:I'm not sure how much more specific I can be. The clothing is going to feel like what it feels like.

(11:57:16 am)DysphoricRomeo:Hmm.. basically focus on a specific item and how it should feel to wear it I guess
(11:57:21 am)DysphoricRomeo:actually! haha I am brilliant
(11:57:26 am)DysphoricRomeo:ask me a triggered question with how to do it

(11:57:48 am)TheSnob:Countess, how do I do it?

(11:57:53 am)DysphoricRomeo:contessa

(11:59:12 am)TheSnob:Answered to Countess before, I see no reason why it shouldn't again.

(11:59:34 am)DysphoricRomeo:weird.. I must have read it wrong

(11:59:40 am)TheSnob:Unless, you know, you're just full of crap with the hypnosis thing, and have happened upon this supremely clever way of topping from the bottom to try to get a woman to treat you like a sissyman.

(12:00:44 pm)DysphoricRomeo:I am not a sissy babe

(12:06:44 pm)TheSnob:And yet you keep letting women talk you into wearing complete women's outfits, and try like hell to get other women to tell you how sub and pretty and feminine you are.

(12:07:33 pm)DysphoricRomeo:I am NOT trying to have you tell me I am submissive and pretty. You are undoing it.

(12:09:18 pm)TheSnob:Undoing what? If it's just the clothing for the dare, there's nothing to undo. If it really is the precarious sort of situation that I just theorized, then just admit it and continue, knowing that the kind of woman that actually would provide that sort of insight and mental dominance will have no patience with you trying to maneuver her into it.


And then there was nothing. I'm at once sad and hopeful; he seems so reluctant to be honest about himself. Things don't add up. But hell, maybe I pulled out enough of my "That's enough of the bullshit" domme to make him think more critically about what he really wants.

I won't hold my breath.

#19 - Welcome to the End of My Patience

(12:03:05 pm)InconsistentRomeo:hey

(12:05:11 pm)TheSnob:Hey yourself.

(12:06:38 pm)InconsistentRomeo:im (redacted), im 6'6, with a 8pack, vlines and 10.5

(12:06:41 pm)InconsistentRomeo:u r fuckin sexy

(12:07:52 pm)TheSnob::Hello (Redacted). I'm just barely over 5 feet, with stretch marks and a leftover baby belly and a short tolerance for people who can't be bothered to type out three letter words.

(12:08:42 pm)InconsistentRomeo:oh my

(12:11:06 pm)TheSnob:Beyond that... thank you for the compliment. It's nice to know people find me attractive.

Just on a whim, I went to actually see his profile, and was greeted among other things with this gem: "If you want a good guy who doesnt think with his dick all the time. Its not about geting into her pants, I rather get into her heart!"

Oh yes, of course; you were telling me you have a 10.5 (insert unit of measurement here) heart.

How silly of me to think otherwise.

Friday, September 11, 2009

#18 - Sometimes Mocking Nicknames stick

[8:31:54 pm]VisualRomeo:hi babe

[8:32:14 pm]TheSnob:Hello dollface.

[8:35:29 pm]VisualRomeo:lol
[8:35:30 pm]VisualRomeo:whats up ?

[8:36:15 pm]TheSnob:Not too much; enjoying a rainy Friday evening in.

[8:36:47 pm]VisualRomeo:hmm
[8:36:50 pm]VisualRomeo:do u have msn or yahoo ?

[8:38:01 pm]TheSnob:I have screennames on both services, yes.

[8:38:21 pm]VisualRomeo:whats yr msn ?

[8:38:47 pm]TheSnob:I don't generally share those with someone I haven't yet gotten to know. :)

[8:39:31 pm]VisualRomeo:well maybe u should make an exception with dollface ;)
[8:39:37 pm]VisualRomeo:i want to talk to u on cam

[8:40:31 pm]TheSnob:Oh dollface, you're adorable, but I don't think so.

[8:41:04 pm]VisualRomeo:why not ?

[8:43:05 pm]TheSnob:I don't have any particular reason to make an exception.

[8:43:51 pm]VisualRomeo:ok
[8:44:09 pm]VisualRomeo:neither do i lol....i only talk on cam and messenger.... ;)

[8:45:41 pm]TheSnob:I see. Well then, it's been pleasant speaking with you.


He was rather pretty, but pretty does not a conversation make.

#17 - In Which We Affirm The Dictionary Would Not Be Improved By Making It One Big Word

[2:26:10 pm]CompressedRomeo:hey

[2:26:20 pm]TheSnob:Hello.

[2:28:16 pm]CompressedRomeo:howareyou dear

[2:29:00 pm]TheSnob:Faring fairly well. And yourself?

[2:29:19 pm]CompressedRomeo:imwonderful

[2:29:31 pm]TheSnob:You seem to be having spacebar malfunction!

[2:29:51 pm]CompressedRomeo:it keepssticking

[2:30:21 pm]TheSnob:I hate when that happens... some canned air, and alcohol on cotton swabs usually helps with that.

[2:31:02 pm]CompressedRomeo:ok

[2:32:36 pm]TheSnob:If you're really careful, with some keyboards you can even pop off the keys to clean underneath. :)

[2:32:52 pm]CompressedRomeo:oh

[2:33:20 pm]TheSnob:The spacebar is usually the hardest one to pop off, because it's usually held in with a pair of springloaded wires....

[2:34:21 pm]CompressedRomeo:yeah
[2:34:46 pm]CompressedRomeo:thats my cellphone
[2:35:16 pm]CompressedRomeo:423217****

[2:36:03 pm]TheSnob:Why are you giving me that?

[2:36:40 pm]CompressedRomeo:sorry imeant togivetosoeoneelels
[2:37:00 pm]CompressedRomeo:ifyouwanted it
[2:37:09 pm]CompressedRomeo:soyoucansend me txt

[2:37:21 pm]TheSnob:I don't text strangers.

[2:37:27 pm]CompressedRomeo:ok

[2:37:46 pm]TheSnob:You should definitely look into cleaning under your spacebar.

[2:37:56 pm]CompressedRomeo:ok
[2:48:47 pm]CompressedRomeo:iwillokintothat



So from what I could gather from his garbled communication is that, somehow, he was IMing me using his mobile phone, and poorly at that. I am well aware of the uses of a mobile for text and internet; it's one of the main reasons I have a phone. I'm constantly online, I IM with friends... I use it for text and data far, far more than I ever do as an actual phone, although that portion of it is handy as well.

That said? The only difference I make sure people I'm writing to ever see, when I'm on my mobile, is that my response time is a bit slow, because I simply cannot type as fast there as I do upon a regular keyboard. I don't shorten or skip words. I don't leave off punctuation. I certainly don't avoid my space key as if it's been fitted with plague-bearing neelpoints, the way thig man was!

Beyond that - really, your cell phone number, to a stranger on the internet? I'm actively restraining myself from posting it to 4chan, to let the lovely lovely /b/tards teach him a lesson about personal safeguards.

But I'm not an asshole, I'm just a snob.





With a clean keyboard.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

#16 - Make Music in 4/4 Time With Your Poultry Exposed

(11:56:49 pm)PerformerRomeo:Hey, What do you think about somebody doing something infront of a webcam ?

(11:58:49 pm)TheSnob:It happens all the time. The something tends to be a vital piece of information for me to form an opinion on, however. I like when people do creative things on camera.

(11:59:46 pm)PerformerRomeo:Would you want to see my hard cock ?

(11:59:55 pm)TheSnob:You keep chickens?


And that, as they say, was that.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

#15 - Staticstics Show That 90% of Romeos Fail at Foreplay*

(9:51:58 am)MisguidedRomeo:So here's a thought..Do you think the fact that we're a 75% match means we'll accept eachother's advances 3 times out of 4?

(9:53:36 am)TheSnob:That is an intriguing supposition. In theory, it means that your stated desires of what match question answers you want from a partner as applied to my answers, and mine in return to yours, share an intersection 75% of the time.
(9:54:08 am)TheSnob:But it's quite possible that it means we also have a good chance of mutual acceptance (likely because of that intersection).

(9:55:09 am)MisguidedRomeo:I actually flunked statistics so I have no earthly idea what I'm talking about...it just sounded better than "hey baby ur hot"

(9:56:15 am)TheSnob:I took AP Probability and Statistics. I only got a 2 on the exam, but I paid attention well enough to fake my way through casual conversation. *laugh*

(9:56:40 am)MisguidedRomeo:I just wanted to flirt with you lol

(9:57:26 am)TheSnob:Well, you've definitely got my brain switched on! How're things?

(9:58:05 am)MisguidedRomeo:Are you saying I turn you on?

(9:58:45 am)TheSnob:The brain is potentially our largest erogenous zone, especially taking into account the potential applicability of psychosomatism.
(9:59:05 am)TheSnob:Potential things are potential. Repetitive (redacted) is repetitive....

(9:59:30 am)MisguidedRomeo:I want you so bad lol

(10:00:22 am)TheSnob:See? Big words, viable theories - the semblance of intelligence causing a desirous reaction. The brain is indeed an erogenous zone. :)

(10:00:46 am)MisguidedRomeo:*wraps my arms around you and kisses you softly*

(10:01:27 am)TheSnob:Wow. Hi. No.
(10:02:04 am)TheSnob: I think you just stumbled into that other 25%.



* The statistic in the title is entirely fabricated and is likely wrong. It could very well be more than 90%...