I'm a Dating Site Snob

#40 - Short, but.... no, not even sweet.

2010-12-04T10:24:00.001-05:00

Forthright Romeo: hi hon,,have webcam to have some fun pls? horny?
The Snob: Wow, hi. NO.

Notice the silence that came after that? Behold, my darlings, the power of NO!

#39 - When the First Scam Fails, Scam Scam again!

2010-09-30T18:05:00.002-04:00

I tell you, lasses and laddies - I give Mr. Frank Deins points for persistence. After our initial exchange, I thought perhaps he had taken some time to rest, reflect, and repent... or at least give the Diana Hacker manual of style a quick once-over.

Clearly, I was mistaken, because two days later:

Frank Deins
HEY.........THIS IS REAL OKAY

My goodness! Whatever was I thinking before? Clearly, now I must be convinced by his astute skills of persuasion. Or...

While I do appreciate your effort to make up for your earlier capitalization missteps by locking your caps, it actually manages to make even less a favorable statement than your first missive. All caps, you see, is referred to colloquially upon the internet as "Cruz Ctrls 4 Kewl" - a mockery meaning that, in actuality, it is quite far from cool.

Instead, as no doubt would be in keeping with the professional communications style guide for The Kansas Commission of Internet Gaming, I suggest that you only capitalize the initial letter of any given sentence as is the grammatical standard. Likewise, avoid beginning any of your communique's with such casual interjections as "hey" - do consider "dude" or "yo" to be equally right out.

And the ellipses - for the love of god, think of the ellipses! They must have tiny elliptical children to feed and clothe and watch over. The abuse stops with you!

Cheers!

But did the abuse stop with him? I cherished the hope! But after the passage of four more days:

hey.....am not here to play games nor joke......you just have to give me your full name and your home address so that the fedex man can come to your house and deliver your your money at your door step okay

Alas and alack. If only some of the caps from his previous message had made their way into this one. (Is there a wrestler called FedEx Man, yet? Their should be. Think of the lucrative tie-in deals! Not to mention all the opportunities for great taunt lines like "This is one dangerous package you WON'T want to sign for!")

Don't look at me like that. This IS my hobby, remember?

Can you also have him bring me a pony and a plastic rocket?

I think it's probably beyond hope that our darling Mr. Deins is a browncoat... we shall see. Or not. *holds breath*

#38 - This is more like dating than you think

2010-09-22T21:48:00.002-04:00

I received this message on Facebook; it's not a dating hit, but it screamed for a red-pen treatment.

I'm FRANK DENIS from kansas ....I am here to inform you a good news about the Lottery game that was play for you with your screenname from our computer.. because all Deaf and hearing email address is on our computer.. You are so lucky to win the sum of $200,000 thousand us dollar's from the Lottery game that was play for you.. reply back with your Full name and address now so that you can have your $200,000 cash. I am so happy for you once again. This is not a joke or fake. reply us back now so that you can have your $200,000 money cash from us right away as soon as we have your Full name and address from you.This is not fake or Joke . We are looking forward to hear from you soonest. Thanks Now you will have to fill the form so that the fedex man can deliver you your winning money to you in 24hrs time.....Pls try be Honest with Us God bless.

Full name......................
Full Home Address......
Your Age.......................
Date of birth...............
Married/Single...........
E-mail............................
Hotmail, Yahoo,Aol,Facebook.....
Txt number ..................................
T.mail.............................................

Well hello there Frank Denis from Kansas, I'm someone that you don't know at all, from a place you're utterly unaware of, you foolish spambot! Let me make a few recommendations to you for your future scheming. First of all? Pick a picture that is truly unrepresented elsewhere online. Take your cameraphone out and get a shot of a businessman on his coffeebreak at Starbucks if you have to, Frank.

It's got to be better than pulling an image from a fake encyclopedia entry, like so:
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/index.php?title=Dungeons_%26_Dragons:_Real_Life_Edition/Character_Classes&diff=4185470&oldid=prev

That said, let me now offer to you - right now, for FREE! - some edits and suggestions for your message.

1) If you're making up a fake name and a fake picture, you might as well go whole hog and make up some sort of fake organization. "From kansas" (It's Kansas, by the way, with a capital K - no REAL organization would fail to capitalize a state) is so general. Are you from the state? The rock band? There's no way of knowing!

2) Can the ellipses. They're a very specific form of punctuation meant to indicate trailing off from the expressed form of thought to allow the reader to complete the thought of their own accord. This punctuation should really only be used in chatty, colloquial formats and the occasional super-accomplished novelist's later works. It has no place in your scam-attempt to send a professional letter.

3) "I am here to inform you a good news" - it should be "of good news."

4) "that was play for you" - should be "played for you" - tenses are very important. Moreover, maintenance of consistent tenses are absolutely vital.

5) "with your screenname from our computer.." Again, this is where creating a realistic-sounding bogus corporation would come in handy. Something officious yet forgettable - The Kansas Commission of Internet Gaming. Sounds great, doesn't it Frank? Totally fake. Go on google it.

I'll wait.

...you do know how to do a Google search, right Frank?

5a) .. is neither a period nor ellipsis, and therefore invalid as an attempt at punctuation. Moreover, it's in the middle of a sentence.

6) "because all Deaf and hearing email address is on our computer.." This - wow, Frank. This sentence is a doozy. Let me take it in sections.

6a) If the .. was meant to end the previous sentence, then "because" should be capitalized, or gotten rid of entirely. In fact, yes, throw out the because. It then becomes an actual, complete sentence.

6b) Deaf is in the middle of the sentence. It should not be capitalized.

6c) I am neither deaf nor hearing. If you are going to attempt to tailor your scam toward a particular subgroup of humanity, make sure the person or people you are targeting is a member of your target population.

6d) Unless you harbor the bizarre notion that all members of the deaf and hearing populations share a single email address, it should be pluralized to "email addresses."

6e) The Kansas Commission of Internet Gaming is a serious organization, Frank. Surely it has more than one computer for all its many imaginary employees.

7) "You are so lucky to win the sum of $200,000 thousand us dollar's from the Lottery game that was play for you"

7a) Unless this is a bizarre grammatical twist and The Kansas Commission of Internet Gaming has its own money, then you must mean US, or United States.

7b) "Dollar's" means that there is one dollar with ownership of something. You, on the other hand, are offering "dollars."

7c) If you have the dollar sign ($) preceding the number, you don't need to put "dollars" afterward.

7d) Unless the full amount you're offering is two hundred thousand thousands, you do not need to have "thousand" after the number.

7e) In short, it should be written as $200,000 USD.

7f) Again, Frank, I direct your attention to the importance of tenses. "was played for you."

8) "reply back with your Full name and address now so that you can have your $200,000 cash."

8a) Begin a sentence with a capital letter.

8b) Do not use a capital letter in the middle of a sentence.

8c) Winnings do not come as cash; even lump sums have to go through other units of monetary transaction.

9) "I am so happy for you once again." While the Kansas Commission of Internet Gaming is clearly a generous organization, it would express congratulations in a reserved manner; it is more in keeping with the event than false joy.

10) "This is not a joke or fake." Baaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Oh Frank. Frank, you're funny!

11) "reply us back now so that you can have your $200,000 money cash from us right away as soon as we have your Full name and address from you."

11a) Don't be pushy for information. As said the Queen in Hamlet- ...Hamlet. Shakespeare's Hamlet, Frank. It's a play. She said, "Methinks the lady doth protest too much." This is much the same - the more you demand information, the less viable your offer seems.

11b) Start a sentence with a capital.

11c) Again - not actually a cash offer, Frank.

11d) The $ indicates money, and therefore it is unnecessary to specify that the $200,000 is money.

11e) This should actually be two sentences, by inserting a period after "right away" and then capitalizing "as."

11f) "Full" is in the middle of the sentence and should not be capitalized.

11g) There should be a space following the period at the end of the sentence.

12) "This is not fake or joke ." Baaaaaahahahahahahahahahaha! Frank, you're killing me! Oh, oh! And I see, that is where that space escaped to.

13) "We are looking forward to hear from you soonest." Soonest? Are their other folks queueing up as prize-winners with The Kansas Commission of Internet Gaming? This sentence would be better ended with "soon" - it conveys a sense of both urgency and of singular winning.

14) "Thanks Now you will have to fill the form so that the fedex man can deliver you your winning money to you in 24hrs time....."

14a) "Thanks." It should have a period after it... and also, the single word is rather informal. The Kanses Commission of Internet Gaming would at least formalize its gratitude to a full "Thank you."

14b) Presumably the "form" referenced is the list of information requested beneath; you may do well to look into creating a more evenly spaced and laid-out list - perhaps one that utilizes the underscore rather than the period that you so insistently abuse.

14c) The fedex man? First of all, Frank, unlike The Kansas Commission of Internet Gaming, FedEx is a legitimate and hardworking company, and therefore should be afforded both respect of reference, and appropriate capitalized letters.

14d) It is highly unlikely that winnings would be awarded by general commercial courier at all, let alone within the span of a single day. Winnings of that size require much more extensive legal and financial paperwork, and ultimately is transferred in these modern times by electronic transfer rather than paper instruments.

14e) The... the period abuse. Oh Frank. Were you pelted with periods by unruly children on the playground?

15) "Pls try be Honest with Us God bless."

15a) The Kansas Commission of Internet Gaming does not use internet or texting shorthand. Please.

15b) Do not capitalize letters unnecessarily in the middle of the sentence!

15c) Keep god out of your scheming. Jerry Fallwell will get ticked.

15d) Don't demand honesty in the middle of a scam like this, Frank - the hypocrisy is just too, too awkward.

16) And then the form. We've already addressed your layout concerns above. That aside, the information asked is a mix of appropriate and wildly not so. The Kansas Commission of Internet Gaming has no need for your targeted prizewinner's Hotmail, Yahoo, AOL, Facebook, Texting, or Tmail information.

So there you have it, Frank! Hopefully these tips, tricks, and edits will be of use to you in the future, in building a cleaner, more concise, and above all more effective internet phishing scam.

Cheers!

#37 - Coming On To The Void

2010-07-18T21:01:00.004-04:00

Remember this guy?

Well, despite that rather massive flounce, he keeps messaging your favorite snob. I'm not sure if he just mass-messages all the women fitting a certain set of criteria, or if he's poking the bear, or if he's really just that DUMB... but on a weekly basis (usually Thursday or Friday, which leads me to think he's looking for some cheap and easy weekend, er.... companionship) I get a message from him.

Despite our earlier exchange.

Despite the fact that I don't reply.

Following the messages in the blogpost I've linked in the initial sentence above, I have received the following... bewilderingly cheerful messages.

WOW so you are that serious too bad, well good news for you is there are lots and lots a lame ass fucks on here that will say just what you wanna hear to try and get something so good luck in that pool lame assness take care and be awesome my fellow NYer AKA the typical woman and dont worry ill not say hello again sexy lady

If only he had kept his promise! Slightly less than a month later,

Hello again pretty soft fluffy baby girl hope the sun is shinieing on you and all is good, tickle pinch spank and take care sexy lady

Okay, let's red-pen this really quickly:
1) You promised you would not say hello again, and then began with "hello again" - that's just a fail on general logic and follow-through, right there.
2) There should be a period after "girl."
3) ...after which "hope" should be capitalized.
4) The sun would be "shining" without any extraneous e's.
5) The comma after "good" should be a period.
6) ...after which "tickle" should be capitalized.
7) Presuming the series "tickle pinch spank" to be emotive, they should be set apart as such with a change in font or delineating bracketing marks - perhaps putting them in italics or surrounding them *with asterisks* which are two of the most common conventions.
8) The series should be comma-delimited.
9) There should be a period after "lady."

And that doesn't even TOUCH content (and I don't know if I want to - it's already so disturbingly touchy-feely on its own) - the same drek which continues through his next message, 5 days later:

Hello again you sexy soft baby girl, cyber bottom of the butt cheek spanks and hi hi'sss to you my fellow NYer , hope all is good and the smiles many, now say hello again you little wet fluffy baby girl id like that lots, now wheres my hello sexy lady, tickle hug pinch and take care

10 days after that:

Hello hello again you soft little fluffy baby girl now say hello again you mean eeeeeee, Happy TGIF and holiday weekend to you my fellow NYer hope all is good and the smiles big, tickle hug hi hi'sss to you and take care

6 days later:

Hey hey hello hello there my fellow NYer, hows you doing soft little nawty girl hope all is good and the smiles are big yes yes now say hello again its your turn nawty little girl so do it already miss i wanna spank you a pretty shade a pink and kiss you all over, cyber hiinie kiss'es nipple twist and hugs and be awesome

And 6 more days:

Hello hello hello , cyber hinnie spanks and hugs hi hi'sss to you soft sexy nawty little fluffy baby girl , happy Hump Day to you my friend hope the day is going good for you and yours and all is great, now im guessing you know what time it is ??? yes yes its your turn to say hello back little soft girl so do it and see what i say back hehe wink wink , take care little miss wet and wild and be awesome , hard tummy kiss'es clit spanks and butt pinches to you

As I say: bewildering. Amusing. And really, rather depressing that after flouncing the way he did, he not only came back, but with consistently rude, presumptive, overtly forward and poorly written messages like this - without getting any response to any of them. No encouragement. Only silence.

I'm tempted to make this guy an incidental regular on the blog and red-pen for the sake of my blood pressure, and to amuse you for as long as he keeps it up.

#36 - Do You Even Know What A "Petard" is?

2010-07-18T20:42:00.005-04:00

I am always a bit leery when I get messaged by someone whose match percentage doesn't reach a particular lower threshold - it almost always ends badly. Not only did this gent not reach the lower threshold, he didn't even hit the 50% mark.

Naturally, I was skeptical.

Mismatched Romeo: hi

The Snob: Hello.

Mismatched Romeo: how are you tonight

The Snob: Fine, thank you.

Mismatched Romeo: cool
Mismatched Romeo: what are you up too

The Snob: Tooling around on the internet, mostly.

Mismatched Romeo: lol i hear ya i am bored myself wish i have you around me lol

The Snob: Why would you wish that? I might be awfully dull. Or violent!
The Snob: Or both. Dull AND violent. That would be a neat trick, actually.

Mismatched Romeo: i think you are pretty sweet , if you ask me lol

The Snob: I can be pretty rude.

Mismatched Romeo: so do i but i have no reason to be all i am lookin is a good time not to be an aswhole lol

The Snob: What are you looking for, exactly?

Mismatched Romeo: as right now more of a friends whit benefits

The Snob: And what prompted you to message me in that respect?

Mismatched Romeo: nothing prompted me just was wonder what are you up too cause in your profile says that you are looking for casual sex
Mismatched Romeo: thats all

The Snob: Oh, that. Yeah, I find my definition of casual sex isn't quite in line with everyone else's.
The Snob: So if that's all that brought you in, then I thank you for your interest and conversation, but I don't want to waste your time.

Mismatched Romeo: ok have nice day lol

The Snob: You too!

Hah! You thought this was going to be a disaster, didn't you? So did I. Turns out, even the Snob can have her own expectations overturned. Keep communication clear, folks, and sometimes people really will pleasantly surprise you!

(I think "aswhole" is my new favorite misspelling ever.)

#35 - Where did I leave my telescoping crop?

2010-05-25T22:02:00.003-04:00

CowboyRomeo: hey sexy

TheSnob: Hello.

CowboyRomeo: just think ur very sexy babe

TheSnob: Thank you.

CowboyRomeo: are u in to younger guys

TheSnob: I haven't dated a younger guy since high school, so I really don't know.

CowboyRomeo: o ok do u have a web cam

TheSnob: Yup, it's integrated into my machine.

CowboyRomeo: sweet are u into having a lil fun

TheSnob: I am having fun.

CowboyRomeo: wow wht u doin

TheSnob: Playing World of Warcraft.

CowboyRomeo: ok thats sounds fun but im funner then tht... lol

The Snob: I dunno. In World of Warcraft I can fly in a zeppelin.

CowboyRomeo: well i can make u feel like ur flyin, and feel like ur riding a stallion

TheSnob: Do you have a stable of horses?

CowboyRomeo: something like that

TheSnob: That must be a lot of work. I hear horses are very expensive. Did you know they sleep standing up?

CowboyRomeo: yup...

...at which point our intrepid rancher seemed to have lost interest, which is just as well for yours truly, dear reader: The Snob had a Vile Priestess and her minions to slay.

#34 - Lame-o. Like Steve-O. In the Dairy-O. ...E-I-E-I-O?

2010-05-13T19:37:00.004-04:00

So among the several sites The Snob has a profile on, there are a few that let you select from a pre-written radio-buttoned list of likes and dislikes, ranging from hobbies to hard kinks; they also tend to let you put down your level of interest and experience. The idea, I suppose, is to let you find people with the characteristics and interest you yourself find interesting, as well as to give you a very general idea of what you're looking at when you're reading a person's profile. I think of them as being sort of like the meta-tags on the Amazon listing for a book, while the overall profile is sort of the book blurb - the person themselves being the story in the book that you get to know. I know, the analogy's getting a bit thin, and I digress.

Another use of these lists is that they give someone an easy lead-in for something to talk about when they message someone else, particularly if you find they have strong interests in something that strike an intriguing chord. Hence, this message I recently received.

loves singing, spankings, bondage and curious about fisting wow you sound cool, now say hello and see what happens next , either way a hello or not take care and be awesome

I know, I know - run on sentence, no ending punctuation, and nary a capital letter in sight. But I was in an affable mood, I suppose, and therefore responded:

*chuckle* Well hello there.

Then there wasn't a peep out of him for a day or three, and I (mistakenly) assumed that lack of immediate and equally expressed interest in his own kinks made him veer of in favor of more suitable conversation. Like with someone who doesn't know a semi-colon from a semi truck.

Boy, was I wrong.

Happy hump day my little nawty soft fellow [state redacted]er., cyber hinnie spanks and inner thigh kiss'es hi hi'sss to you, so hows it going there little miss i need a good hinnie spanking and teaseing, yes yes ill just bet you do hehe wink wink, well here a few answering ebay emails and saying hello to you so say it back you sexy fucker, have a great rest of the week and take care, hard butt cheek kiss'es, inner thigh pinches and hugs hi hi'sss to you and take care sweet cheeks

Are you stunned and a bit flabberghasted? I was. Let us take this in parts, shall we?
1. It's one sentence. Let me say that again. IT'S ONE SENTENCE. And yet it isn't, exactly, because it doesn't even have any sort of hardstop punctuation at the end.
2. I was going to take the misspellings as they came, but lets get it over with and just list them all in order:
nawty / naughty
hinnie / hiney x2
kiss'es / kisses x2
hi hi'sss / hi his (Are we a snake? Seriously now.) x2
teaseing / teasing
ill / I'll
hehe / heh heh
One thing I can say for him, at least when he misspells something he does it with consistency.
3. Soft? I know at least one person that can vouch for my inadvertently pointy portions, despite how I've theoretically developed a fairly thorough all-over padding.
4. Of the greetings offered, only the "hi hi"s are really appropriate for someone to whom he's sent one message, regardless of the site that he's on or the lewdity of the day popping up in the sidebar ads. After meeting someone once in real life and getting the barest, albeit positive, greeting in return, does one have the freedom to greet them with groping and oral contact upon their intimate areas without so much as a by-your-leave? Why no. No one does not. How the hell do they think that's appropriate in a venue in which presumably they are seeking to actually make a positive connection which COULD lead to such consensual touching? Cart. Horse. Interstate highway in between.
5. "Little Miss I-Need-A-Good-Hiney-Spanking-And-Teasing" (punctuation and caps mine (obviously) because I couldn't stand writing out his misspellings again) - Forgetting entirely how we SO are not into the stage of a relationship wherein one can give the other a cutsey/naughty nickname, how could he possibly assume I'm in need of a spanking or a tease? He'd only JUST asked how it was going. Give a girl a chance to respond? Maybe I need a cuddle and a chocolate bar. Maybe I need a vicious whipping and some sensory deprivation. YOU don't know.
6. I fear for the level of service people are getting dealing with this man on eBay. I really do.
7. I know you're saying hello to me. How could I have missed it? Trust me, you aren't smooth. Or suave. Or anything remotely resembling subtle.
8. "...so say it back you sexy fucker..." Oh gosh. You called me a sexy fucker. Take me now, and let us not even quibble a moment on you presuming the right to tell me what to do!
9. At least he, uh, was upbeat. Wishing me a nice week and all. Because how could it NOT be, with a sweet and tender missive like his smack dab in the middle of it?
10. But cheek kisses, inner thigh pinches, and hugs? Please see #4, substituting farewells for greetings.
11. Sweet cheeks? See #5, regarding the stage of nicknaming. Which even after all this, we somehow are not in.

I didn't send him the above though; that's here only. I was tired, and cranky, and I suppose therefore a little off my game, because all he got was:

Are....are you drunk or something? Because I cannot for the life of me think of a reason for you to presume it's okay to talk about kissing or pinching or touching any part of me. You are not a lover. You are not even a friend, and if you're that free and easy with strangers, then I don't think I am the woman you're looking for.

Apparently I was not clear.

What the F are you talking about LoL WOW miss serious, well guess what if your that serious then right back at you wow sorry a simple silly fun hello blew your mind, i see you may just be the typical woman thats use to just hearing the same ole same ole lame asses spueing just what they think you wanna hear to get somewhere, well i say what i wamt ,, when i want and how i want to but i mean what i say when i say it so see you have me totaly wrong hope so dont be a typical woman and we will both be wrong hehe wink wink wow and i was just gonna say ?????? not now LoL wow now dont lame O theres enough lame ass serious people already , well hope the smiles are big and you and yours are all doing great

To use his succinct way of putting it, ??????

But since he's called me "miss serious" let's look at this seriously. He says what he wants, when he wants, how he wants. to. So he's portrayed himself just as he is - and he thinks I have him wrong?

I'm pretty sure I have him right - at least as far as being someone I'm not interested in exchanging further messages with. My only question now is - does The Snob want to take her red pen to that last message as well, or will doing so make her run the risk of genuine head explodey?>

#33 - I like my men like I like my espresso.

2010-05-10T22:10:00.003-04:00

Short and sweet.

UpfrontRomeo: you throat??

TheSnob: My throat what?

UpfrontRomeo: do you deep throat

TheSnob: My throat is a fixed and unchanging depth.

UpfrontRomeo: lol

I have to admit, I like that he got a chuckle out of it at least.

#32 - Shake Those pixels for me, baby

2010-04-30T20:14:00.002-04:00

Somehow, I have acquired a chatbot. It's an MSN chatbot that uses an automated script to attempt to lure me to some sort of site that, theoretically, is a camwhore site. Once every day or three it messages me; I've been amusing myself with diverting my responses into increasingly bizarre territory to see what kind of reaction I can spark from the script, and in the process learn what keywords trigger different things.

Today I discovered that writing in capslock gives no particular difference, but it doesn't like when you mention children in any context.

Cambot Juliet: I AM BACK!!!

The Snob: OMG I MISSED YOU SO MUCH WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!

Cambot Juliet: hey, hows it going?

The Snob: YOU WHORE HAV EYOU BEEN MESSING AROUND ON ME?!

Cambot Juliet: i'm 21/f your a male right?

The Snob: I'M A MALE IF YOU'RE A HUMAN

Cambot Juliet: nice, I just got off work and finally got some time to relax which site did i msg you from again?

The Snob: IT WASN'T A SITE, YOU MET ME IN THAT PLACE WITH THE THING AND I BOUGHT YOU THAT STUFF, YOU DUMB BITCH

Cambot Juliet: I know a way we can chat and have a better time.. do you cam?

The Snob: I CAM YOUR MOM EVERY NIGHT AT 1:43AM

Cambot Juliet: Well i don't do MSN cam or any other cam because i have been recorded before... But i do know one site you can watch me on cam, that assures me no one records..

The Snob: I RECORD YOU WITH A STYLUS TO THE INSIDE OF MY EYELIDS

Cambot Juliet: I mean... Do you want to see me on my cam?

The Snob: I WANT TO SEE YOU ON A ROMAN CROSS

Cambot Juliet: Ok go to [link redacted] accept the invite on the page baby

The Snob: HOOOKEEEERRRRRRRRRRR

Cambot Juliet: sweet, fill out the info ur info.. i can not wait for you to see me baby let me find something nice to wear

The Snob: HOW ABOUT MY ASS AS A HAT

Cambot Juliet: its the sites policy to ensure no minors get access to the site, so they might ask for CC to verify your age babe.

The Snob: THEY CAN HAVE MY CC AFTER THEY DL IT FROM MY CH, BIOTCH

Cambot Juliet: What color Panties do you think i should wear? i might have you favorite color here somewhere...

The Snob: YOU KNOW I LIKE YOU BEST IN THE FURRY CAVEMAN LOINCLOTH

Cambot Juliet: Your such a good boy, i'm gonna show you what good boys deserve.. you can tell me to do anything you want me to do!

The Snob: WASH MY MONKEY HELPER

Cambot Juliet: Ok let me know when you get in so I can invite you directly to my cam.

The Snob: I'M THERE JUST LIKE I'M A MILLIONAIRE

Cambot Juliet: u have to enter a cc, atm, or debit card so they can tell your of age, thats the ony way to see me sweety

The Snob: I TASTE SALTY AS A THOUSAND OCEANS

Cambot Juliet: k you in yet babe??

The Snob: I'M IN YOUR MOM

Cambot Juliet: -(

The Snob: SHE LIKES IT

Cambot Juliet: if anythign come check out my pics, theres no way you wont sign up after u see my sexy ass )

The Snob: I WILL FRY YOUR ASS ON MY GRILL AND SERVE IT TO THE NEIGHBOR CHILDREN

Cambot Juliet: Sorry just close the chat window

The Snob: I CAN'T CLOSE THE WINDOW I WOULD LOSE YOU FOREVER

Cambot Juliet: ok the site is [link redacted] tell me what u think, im puttin up some new pics right now

The Snob: DONKEY

Cambot Juliet: if you don't like me you can check out my girlfriends nice ass [link redacted]

The Snob: HAMMER

Cambot Juliet: So what girl do you want sign up its free also

The Snob: DR. HORRIBLE KNOWS WHERE YOU LIVE

Everyone fears Dr. Horrible. He has a Ph.D in Horribleness.

#31 - Are they even trying anymore?

2010-02-26T23:51:00.002-05:00

Failed Romeo: heyas

Failed Romeo: i like your pix babe

The Snob: Hello. Thank you.

Failed Romeo: you are welcome

Failed Romeo: u like mine by chance?

The Snob: I haven't seen yours.

Failed Romeo: u have the body type that gets me hot. and great eyes to boot

The Snob: Thanks. I'm rather attached to all of it.

Failed Romeo: mm literally as well eh?

Failed Romeo: ha. well, if only i could be your tan boytoy

Failed Romeo: what are we wearing tonite? over that amazing chest

The Snob: A really huge baggy shirt.

Failed Romeo: so my hands could easily race under it to warmer places?

The Snob: Nnnno.

#30 - Sometimes they just don't know when to quit

2009-11-03T19:22:00.002-05:00

lol 5'2 215 lbs.... wow...its funny how that the big one always try to act better then they really are online.. b/c real world they get treated like shit... now that is ir indeed female in the pic......... but i suspect ur 50 bald and work for the state... live in moms basement..lol have fun

---

I'm sure you feel exactly right in your assumptions.

Have a nice day.

I think this one likely bemuses me even more than his previous two messages (see entries #27 and #29), in part because I was mulling it over during commute, and figured that if he did write me back, it would be something almost exactly like this message.

Clearly, he either hadn't read my profile, or if he did, didn't read it well. Having failed in his (laughable) attempts at wooing, he needs to soothe his ego, and not having any real understanding of who I am or what matters to me, he's taken the scattershot approach at insulting. Failure, on all accounts.

Yes, I'm short. Yes, I'm chubby. I'm also decidedly healthy in spite of my weight; it's more a shape than it is any health detriment, and if anything, I feel lucky to be out of the hourglass shape of my youth - when it's a dealbreaker for someone, then that clearly indicates a lack of interest in anything beyond a brainless shiny.

I don't need to act better than I am... the plain truth is that, in interpersonal respects, I just happen to be better than him. I'm a happy person. I enjoy the world. And I like to express myself well. I don't get treated like shit in the real world - I have a great family, marvelous friends, and a quality work environment.

The pictures I have attached to any of my profiles are myself. I'm not 50, although I'm just as amused that he seems to find age insulting as weight. Personally, I've always been attracted to older men.

I'm puzzled by working for the state being an insult; I know quite a few people who do, and they lead comfortable lives, and have good security - especially important in the current economy, no?

I also know a few people who live with their parents - again, I am puzzled as to why this would be an insult. I am, in fact, a homeowner, but both my siblings moved home at one point or another, and I know quite a few people who have done the same. It's a familiar space, usually low rent or rent free, and allows one to build up a financial buffer and spend time with people close to them.

He's right about one thing at least. This was fun to break down and defuse.

#29 - This is not the Sub you are looking for.

2009-11-02T19:49:00.003-05:00

The maestro of the English language found in #27 decided that my "no" apparently wasn't clear enough:

lol ok so lets try this again.................. whats your yahoo name>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> do u have working web cam???????????????
and are you drunk ................ rambling on............... or just spent 10 hrs trying to sounds like u have a brain... quite a huge amt of bullshit u spewed to skirt my direct question..cock or pussy?????????/

What would YOU do, boys and girls?

I did this:

Well gosh, let's take this last thing first:

"cock or pussy?????????/"

If you had actually read the "bullshit" I "spewed" you would have seen I answered your direct question. "I assure you that I am a real female, and moreover I have always been one."

And now that that critical piece of information is out of the way: I am not giving you my Yahoo name, nor any of my other messenger names. I do have a working webcam, not that it much matters, as you're never going to see any of the images that go through it.

I am not not drunk, nor was I drunk the first time that I answered the misspelled, poorly constructed, downright rude blurt that you considered an acceptable message to send to someone. Rather than rambling, I was offering a deconstruction of what it was about your initial message to me that was a complete turn-off.

This message, nearly a month later, is inexplicably worse. Even if it had taken me ten hours to sound like I have a brain, at least it did not take me three weeks to sound like a self-centered moron.

Clearly I am not what you are looking for here - I advise you to not waste your time nor my own by messaging me again.

I also advise you to practice the fine art of self-restraint, beginning with using one piece of punctuation at a time.

#28 - So am I the Cinnamon Stick or the Curry Powder?

2009-11-02T19:35:00.001-05:00

Hi.. Im Bob , with someone but not in a open relationship. I'm looking for some spice, to also provide some fun and frolic to someone elses life as well. I am for real, no pic because I must remain discreet. Write back if you are interested at all. I may be 52, but can act 20 ( so I'm told!) lol I will be waiting to hear from you!

Bob

Bob,

I appreciate both your time and your candor. You seem like a jolly, likable guy, but if you are with someone and not in an open relationship, then I assure you I am not the spice you are looking for. My husband and I are polyamorous, and what makes it ork for us is communication on all accounts; just as neither of us would want the other taking up with someone without our knowledge and approval, neither do we (singly or together) have interest in being someone's dirty little secret, no matter how spicey it might be.

I wish you luck in finding what you're looking for. You simply will not find it with me.

Best regards,

TheSnob

#27 - Your/you're/ur/You/u?

2009-10-10T14:26:00.004-04:00

Hey neighbor.. so whats your yahoo name.. do u have web cam.. are you real female or male posing as male?

I received the above from someone who I had never approached, and who had never approached me before; clearly, he didn't bother to read much of the brief profile I maintain on that site, or he might have noticed... oh, perhaps that I spell words and capitalize things? Naturally, I sent him back the following helpful correction:

One period ends a sentence. Three periods are an ellipsis. Two periods are just indecisive.

"What's" has an apostrophe in it. "yor" is not a word. "Your" is, though. I am not interested in sharing my offsite contact information at this time.

"U" is not a word; "you" is, though. I do have a web cam - and as above, I am not interested in sharing it at this time.

Your final question, misstated though it seems, I find the most intriguing. I presume that you meant to ask if I was a male posing as female. This hearkens to the continuing and sadly consistent question as to whether there are any real women on the internet - even here where honesty about one's gender and orientation are crucial to a viable connection. I wonder if you have just natural suspicion about everyone, or only women online - or even whether you've already had a poor experience that made you, ah, gunshy (if you'll excuse that pun). I assure you that I am a real female, and moreover I have always been one. Have a nice day. -TheSnob

#26 - When In Doubt, Wig 'Em Out

2009-10-02T13:18:00.001-04:00

[11:53:19 am]WiggedOutRomeo:hello

[11:54:36 am]TheSnob:Hello.

[11:55:05 am]WiggedOutRomeo:hey what ya up 2?

[11:56:13 am]TheSnob:working, writing, watching the clock... the usual Friday routine.

[11:58:04 am]WiggedOutRomeo:ur very pretty

[11:58:39 am]TheSnob:Thank you!

[11:59:52 am]WiggedOutRomeo:id love to kiss those lips with the plastic wig on

[12:02:38 pm]TheSnob:That statement puzzled me for a moment, and I was picturing a pair of lips with a wig. Or lips with a plastic moustache that droops around the sides like a wig.

No less entertaining was the fact that in the profile picture alongside this little conversation, it showed his shirt drawn up to reveal a remarkably hairy torso - not just his chest.

#25 - I Do Not Think That Word Means What You Think It Means

2009-10-01T09:30:00.002-04:00

[8:37:33 am]ESLRomeo:hello dear

[8:39:21 am]TheSnob:Good morning.

[8:43:10 am]ESLRomeo:oh there is a morning then very good morning

[8:43:47 am]ESLRomeo:here in india it is 6:00 pm evening

[8:44:26 am]TheSnob:It's 9am morning here.

[8:44:57 am]ESLRomeo:good so deiffrence

[8:45:04 am]ESLRomeo:so now whats going up

[8:45:26 am]ESLRomeo:now iam go to home and u

[8:46:10 am]TheSnob:I am just starting work.

[8:46:32 am]ESLRomeo:what u r doing

[8:46:39 am]ESLRomeo:i mean jobs or

[8:46:51 am]TheSnob:Yes, my job.,

[8:47:00 am]ESLRomeo:in which field

[8:47:08 am]ESLRomeo:which company

[8:47:27 am]TheSnob:Data analysis at (redacted)company.

[8:47:46 am]ESLRomeo:i am a stock broker

[8:49:48 am]ESLRomeo:heloo

[8:50:02 am]ESLRomeo:ok get yr work

[8:50:05 am]TheSnob:Hello.

[8:50:22 am]ESLRomeo:r u married

[8:50:27 am]TheSnob:Yes.

[8:50:37 am]ESLRomeo:how many childrens u have

[8:50:58 am]TheSnob:Two.

[8:51:03 am]ESLRomeo:nice

[8:51:12 am]ESLRomeo:what yr husband doing

[8:51:19 am]TheSnob:He's also working.

[8:52:54 am]ESLRomeo:u both are working thas good

[8:53:12 am]TheSnob:Yes.

[8:53:21 am]ESLRomeo:whats yr dreams to archive

[8:53:34 am]TheSnob:To be a writer.

[8:53:57 am]ESLRomeo:what u write like ?

[8:54:22 am]ESLRomeo:whats yr job timing

[8:54:42 am]TheSnob:I write short fiction.

[8:55:33 am]ESLRomeo:ok thanx

[8:55:45 am]ESLRomeo: r u a bisexual that means

[8:55:54 am]ESLRomeo:looking for sex

[8:56:46 am]TheSnob:No. Bisexual means that I enjoy the romantic company of both men and women.

[8:57:20 am]ESLRomeo:so that i am romantic for u

[8:58:02 am]ESLRomeo:what is romance?

[8:58:11 am]ESLRomeo:pls reply fast

[8:58:24 am]TheSnob:A relationship. Dating, fun, sex, and so forth.

[8:58:39 am]TheSnob:...who the hell do you think you are?

[8:58:56 am]ESLRomeo:no i amnot

[8:59:07 am]TheSnob:I will reply when I am good and ready, and you can wait for it, or you can go bother someone else.

[8:59:28 am]ESLRomeo:angry then sorryyyyyyyyy

[8:59:59 am]TheSnob:You had better be. That was a rude demand to put on someone you don't know.

[9:01:52 am]ESLRomeo:what i demanding u

[9:02:15 am]ESLRomeo:i am just asking when i dont know

[9:02:37 am]ESLRomeo:ok be romantic

[9:03:23 am]ESLRomeo:hello dear soryyyyyyyyy

[9:04:00 am]ESLRomeo:r u there ?

[9:04:53 am]TheSnob:Perhaps it is a miscommunication; I take it that English is not your first language?

[9:05:11 am]ESLRomeo:yes

[9:05:23 am]ESLRomeo:learnt from u

[9:05:58 am]TheSnob:Well, I recomment that you stop shortening words to single letters. It makes you appear younger and less intelligent, to a native English speaker.

[9:07:19 am]ESLRomeo:ok sorry for that

[9:08:36 am]TheSnob:Quite all right. There are intricacies to any language that are hard to pick up if you aren't raised or immersed in the native culture.

[9:09:03 am]ESLRomeo:if i am wormg that i say sorry now iam leaving and go to home if i hurt u by any words then please be sorry by heart

[9:10:19 am]ESLRomeo:my [ersonal id is : (redacted)@yahoo.com u can contact me on that

[9:10:38 am]ESLRomeo:my name is (redacted)

[9:11:11 am]ESLRomeo:i think u r a good teacher for me

[9:12:19 am]TheSnob:I like to help people. Say "you are" instead of "u r" for example.

[9:12:57 am]ESLRomeo:thanx

[9:13:08 am]TheSnob:You are welcome.

[9:13:17 am]ESLRomeo:now i leave u can contact me on my personal id

[9:13:30 am]TheSnob:No thank you.

[9:13:46 am]ESLRomeo:ok your choice

[9:14:05 am]ESLRomeo:byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[9:14:36 am]TheSnob:Farewell.

#24 - Too Many Roosters In My Henhouse

2009-09-17T11:15:00.003-04:00

Sometimes, for whatever reasons, I get messages that have accompanying, uh, visual aids. This one in particular had alongside it the man's avatar, featuring presumably himself seated in an armchair. The shot went from neck to mid-shin, and the view of his form, in a state of obvious excitation, wsa entirely unhindered by any clothing whatsoever.

InsecureRomeo:Just out of curiosity, to you think my cock is a decent size?

TheSnob: I don't keep chickens, so I really have no basis for comparison.

InsecureRomeo:Thank you, you've been very helpful.

I must admit, I did go to his profile to get a larger-scale view - and on any scale, it was, in fact, impressive.

I'm glad I save it locally, because a few minutes later he deleted it. I thought long *koff* and hard *koffkoff* about having it accompany this post, as by having it on his profile he'd theoretically put it into public domain. But (A) that's too disrespectful of any veneer of privacy he might maintain, and (2) that would probably shunt this blog right into the category of pornography, and get me booted from blogger.

And I don't want that any more than you do.

#23 - He Thinks I Have Good Taste (And I Agree)

2009-09-17T11:02:00.002-04:00

(11:03:19 am)MouthyRomeo:hello.

(11:15:16 am)TheSnob:Hello.

(11:15:29 am)MouthyRomeo:How are you?

(11:15:52 am)TheSnob:Quite well, thank you, and yourself?

(11:16:11 am)MouthyRomeo:very well. are you kinky?

(11:16:46 am)TheSnob:Relatively speaking. Do you like doughnuts?

(11:17:03 am)MouthyRomeo:lol. very much.

(11:17:31 am)TheSnob:Me too. Boston Cremes are good, but sometimes a regular glazed one just goes so nicely with the morning coffee.

(11:21:00 am)MouthyRomeo:i love doughnuts.

(11:21:21 am)TheSnob:Me too. Trying to cut back though.

(11:24:06 am)MouthyRomeo:do you like kinky sex?

(11:26:08 am)TheSnob:Some kinds. There are many kinks.

(11:28:06 am)MouthyRomeo:what do you like?

(11:28:47 am)TheSnob:This isn't usually a subject of first conversation for me.

(11:29:06 am)MouthyRomeo:i'd love to lick you.

(11:29:28 am)TheSnob:That's rather bold, even reckless - you don't know where I've been.

(11:29:56 am)MouthyRomeo:where have you been?

(11:32:16 am)TheSnob:The (city redacted) area for the last few years, but I grew up in (state redacted), with vacations to several places through the years.

Things I'm sure he wanted me to say:

Yes, I'm kinky - come find out how much!

Oh baby. Please put your tongue on me.

I've been sexy, dirty places. Come catch a special disease I've been saving just for you.

....okay, maybe not that last one.

I wonder what he thinks I'd taste like?

#22 - I Refused To Help Cheaters In School, Too

2009-09-16T11:34:00.002-04:00

I am a woman on dating sites. I am also a married woman, and I make this clear in my profiles. Sometimes, it seems to draw a boldness from married men... who are on such sites without full disclusure to their spouses, unlike me and mine, who communicated frequently and deeply. We've found such communication to be vital to the continued health of our core relationship. We worked long and hard to get to a point that we were both confident in that core to turn our gaze outward as well.

So this kind of thing, based on lies and fear and assumption... it just makes me so sad.

[11:00:41 am]CheatingRomeo:hi there...i'm (redacted)....enjoyed your profile...how're you?

[11:03:17 am]TheSnob:Hello (redacted), I'm glad it was entertaining. I'm doing well. How're you?

[11:03:33 am]CheatingRomeo:doing great thx...what'cha up to?

[11:05:13 am]TheSnob:Working, drinking coffee.

[11:06:01 am]CheatingRomeo:so....you are married yes?

[11:07:43 am]TheSnob:Yes, I am.

[11:07:56 am]CheatingRomeo:i am married as well <===very naughty

[11:08:37 am]TheSnob:I'm not naughty in that respect. My husband and I are polyamorous and communicate.

[11:08:54 am]CheatingRomeo:lucky for you...that's no doubt better

[11:09:07 am]CheatingRomeo:what's your naughty side like...submissive....or dominant...

[11:09:33 am]TheSnob:It can be hard work, but any relationship is, really, and we find it to be worth the efforth.

[11:09:39 am]TheSnob:*effort

[11:10:27 am]TheSnob:Fascinating. Usually first conversations involve things like, "So what's your favorite color?" or "Did you see that recent popular movie?" or "What do you think of what Kanye did at the VMAs?"

[11:10:52 am]CheatingRomeo:lol....i'm pretty direct...hope it doesn't offend you lol

[11:11:03 am]CheatingRomeo:let me try it again your way

[11:11:10 am]CheatingRomeo:what's your favorite color?

[11:11:17 am]CheatingRomeo:are you submissive or dominant?

[11:11:19 am]TheSnob:I don't find it offensive, I just think it's an inappropriate thing to ask someone you don't know.

[11:11:25 am]CheatingRomeo:;-)

[11:12:26 am]TheSnob:My favorite color is green. I'm a sub-leaning switch. I have stretch marks. I have a scar on my palm and no idea where it came from. I used to think I'd be living in a brownstone in the city by this point. Sometimes I eat my fingernails.

[11:12:42 am]CheatingRomeo:ha! nice

[11:13:03 am]CheatingRomeo:green is also my favorite color....i don't eat my fingenails...i'm dom by nature but very sub curious

[11:14:45 am]TheSnob:Have you discussed your curiosity with your wife? That would be my first move, in your place.

[11:15:08 am]CheatingRomeo:she has zero interest believe me

[11:15:19 am]TheSnob:So you have discussed it with her?

[11:15:24 am]CheatingRomeo:yes

[11:16:53 am]TheSnob:Have you talked about you pursuing that interest outside of your marriage?

[11:17:25 am]CheatingRomeo:no....too risky...i know you've done it etc etc..just trust me that woudn't work

[11:17:53 am]TheSnob:And you don't think that sneaking around like this is at least as risky, if not more?

[11:18:21 am]CheatingRomeo:no; i think it's less risky

[11:18:37 am]TheSnob:Speaking as a married woman myself, I'd be far more hurt if my husband were cheating and lying than if he brought up to me that he's interested in something that I have no interest in, and therefore would like to work out a way to explore it with someone else.

[11:19:00 am]CheatingRomeo:that's only b/c you're open minded to the idea

[11:19:40 am]TheSnob:Yes. And I think you're doing both her and yourself a disservice by assuming that she won't take the time to listen to and discuss your needs.

That seemed to end the discussion; at least, he said nothing more. For the sake of curiosity, I perused his profile, and saw that though he told me he was married, he has himeself listed as single. Lying at home, lying to the world; may he never find what he seeks, or may his wife discover his searching before he can truly damage her.

#21 - Is This A Common Turkish Greeting?

2009-09-15T14:20:00.001-04:00

[2:03:40 pm]TurkishRomeo:do u wanna see my cum

[2:04:40 pm]TheSnob:See, the way this usually goes is you say, "Hi, I'm so and so, and (interesting tidbit). How're you today?" And then I respond, and we have a lovely conversation.

[2:05:03 pm]TheSnob:It has the wonderful side effect of letting you not look like a douchenozzle from moment one of our interaction.

[2:05:37 pm]TurkishRomeo:please dont mıss understand me

[2:05:57 pm]TurkishRomeo:just ı am so hard

[2:05:59 pm]TurkishRomeo:rıght now

[2:06:09 pm]TheSnob:I'd hate to misunderstand - feel free to explain yourself and clarify.

[2:06:28 pm]TheSnob:I suggest massage therapy, and perhaps ibuprofen for inflamation.

[2:06:31 pm]TurkishRomeo:ı am sorry ıf ı hurted yo

[2:07:36 pm]TheSnob:I'm unhurt; merely offended.

[2:07:44 pm]TurkishRomeo:good

[2:07:45 pm]TurkishRomeo:ok

[2:07:48 pm]TurkishRomeo:how are you today

[2:07:54 pm]TurkishRomeo:ı thınk ı can try one more tıme

[2:08:14 pm]TheSnob:Fine, thank you. The weather is nice, and I have managed to keep from catching a cold so far. How are you?

[2:08:58 pm]TurkishRomeo:ı am ok thank you

[2:09:08 pm]TurkishRomeo:just ı came from work

[2:09:10 pm]TurkishRomeo:and ı restıng ın my bed

[2:10:43 pm]TheSnob:I am still at work myself.

[2:11:25 pm]TurkishRomeo:you tıred?

[2:12:13 pm]TheSnob:A little, but I manage well enough nonetheless.

[2:12:47 pm]TurkishRomeo:where do u lıve

[2:13:04 pm]TheSnob:The United States. You're Turkish, I gather?

[2:13:51 pm]TurkishRomeo:ı am half englısh haf turkısh

...and then he went offline. I can only assume he was, uh, done. *cough*

#20 - The Bullshit Hypnotist Strikes Back

2009-09-15T12:51:00.002-04:00

I'm sure you folks will remember this guy; he'd deleted his profile, and started a new one with a name even closer to the real name he'd given me in our previous conversation, so I realized who he was before he realized that he'd talked to me before - you DO recall DysphoricRomeo, don't you? He was that one that insisted that his girl friends had dared and hypnotized him into dressing like a woman.

http://datingsitesnob.blogspot.com/2009/08/11a-you-are-not-pretty-princess.html

http://datingsitesnob.blogspot.com/2009/08/11b-put-on-your-big-boy-girl-panties.html

(10:56:45 am)DysphoricRomeo:Greetings and hello. How are you doing today?

(10:58:01 am)TheSnob:Hello and good morning. I'm doing fairly well, fighting off a cold. And yourself?

(10:58:52 am)DysphoricRomeo:Not too bad considering how crazy this day is turning out. Thanks for asking. What are you up to?

(11:00:48 am)TheSnob:Working, for the most part. And learning about the mathematical properties of the number 666.

(11:03:46 am)DysphoricRomeo:Nice. I am trying to look busy so then I don't have to run errands for the other secretaries. If I don't look busy the ladies get me running around cause I can't walk in these shoes.

(11:04:36 am)TheSnob:You should probably wear more comfortable shoes, if that kind of thing happens commonly.

(11:04:52 am)DysphoricRomeo:Let's just say i havea new apprecation for women wearing heels

(11:05:24 am)TheSnob:Are you wearing heeled shoes? I know guys who refuse to wear shoes, even dress shoes, that aren't flat-soled.

(11:05:39 am)DysphoricRomeo:I am wearing chick's heels.

(11:05:54 am)TheSnob:Ah. Why?

(11:06:00 am)DysphoricRomeo:I suppose it doesn’t hurt to say, but I am dressed completely like a chick today. The result of being fundamentally addicted to fulfilling dares.

(11:08:05 am)TheSnob:You got dared to dress like a woman?

(11:08:36 am)DysphoricRomeo:My coworkers dared me I could not spend a day following their dress code. And when I told my girlfriends (outside of work) and they were WAY too eager to help and not allow this to be half ass.

(11:09:16 am)TheSnob:Good on you for manning up enough to go through with it.

(11:10:20 am)DysphoricRomeo:hahah manning up?!? I should NOT be able to look down and see smooth, stocking covered legs in heels, coming out of my skirt. Never mind the other frilly layers under all of it.

(11:11:11 am)TheSnob:Other frilly layers? They put you in a slip under your skirt, I take it?

(11:11:36 am)DysphoricRomeo:well, the slip and panties and all that..

(11:11:40 am)DysphoricRomeo:under THE skirt.. :P

(11:13:44 am)TheSnob:So are these the same marvelous friends that hypnotized you three weeks ago? And is it the same outfit, or an entirely new one?

(11:14:18 am)DysphoricRomeo:man.. I was hoping I wouldn't talk to people who knew about that event.. differnet outfit.. "marvelous" friends??

(11:15:13 am)TheSnob:Your friends who hypnotized and dared you. Did htey hypnotize you this time, or is this all under your own mental power?

(11:15:37 am)DysphoricRomeo:This is my own mental power. THey helped, but this is because I can't control myself with dares

(11:16:14 am)TheSnob:So you have to wear women's clothes all day? That doesn't sound terrible.

(11:16:35 am)DysphoricRomeo:I think they "assisted" though, because this feels way too natural

(11:17:48 am)TheSnob:Assisted, meaning you think they hypnotized you again?

(11:20:30 am)DysphoricRomeo:yes.. I think they used an inversion to make me act the role more.. which my coworkers don't seem to realize.

(11:20:53 am)DysphoricRomeo:They are like "You wear that outfit so well, it makes you look pretty"

(11:21:31 am)TheSnob:You should probably ask your friends... make sure they didn't building any kind of inappropriate triggers on you.

(11:21:48 am)DysphoricRomeo:and in the back of my head i'm glad my lingerie matches

(11:23:03 am)TheSnob:If you have to wear it, it is at least nice to have a matched set, I'm sure.

(11:24:28 am)DysphoricRomeo:haha thanks ;P funny girl.. I'm not supposed to have a pretty set of lingerie.. wow I am blushing so easily

(11:26:08 am)TheSnob:I always like to look for silver linings.

(11:26:59 am)DysphoricRomeo:Lingerie isn't supposed to be so damn silky/girly feeling

(11:28:40 am)TheSnob:Yes it is.

(11:34:50 am)DysphoricRomeo:but not on me.. its all dainty and sexy

(11:36:13 am)DysphoricRomeo:Do yo uremember the trigger?

(11:36:18 am)TheSnob:Of course. Being on a man doesn't automatically make dresses manly.

(11:36:24 am)TheSnob:Yes, I do.

(11:36:48 am)DysphoricRomeo:yeah, well, it is just all soft and silky feeling.. this is how a girl should feel.. all submissive and pretty in her lingerie

(11:39:12 am)DysphoricRomeo:Do you remember how to use it?

(11:39:28 am)TheSnob:Yes, I do.

(11:39:49 am)DysphoricRomeo:Can you make my lingerie feel like it should.

(11:40:09 am)TheSnob:I don't think that's something the trigger could do.

(11:40:12 am)DysphoricRomeo:its just all so pretty and feminine.

(11:40:30 am)DysphoricRomeo:yeah.. just use the trigger and tell me for instance.. how my panties should feel

(11:41:12 am)TheSnob:Countess, this is the trigger, right?

(11:41:27 am)DysphoricRomeo:yes maam, that is the trigger maam.

(11:41:39 am)DysphoricRomeo:you just need to make it a statement.. how should pretty panties feel

(11:43:25 am)TheSnob:Countess, enjoy the way the clothing feels.

(11:44:24 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yes maam, I should enjoy the clothing I am wearing.

(11:44:34 am)DysphoricRomeo:haha. yeah.. you have to be more specific with the trigger.. that was too general

(11:51:38 am)DysphoricRomeo:Hello?

(11:56:10 am)TheSnob:I'm not sure how much more specific I can be. The clothing is going to feel like what it feels like.

(11:57:16 am)DysphoricRomeo:Hmm.. basically focus on a specific item and how it should feel to wear it I guess

(11:57:21 am)DysphoricRomeo:actually! haha I am brilliant

(11:57:26 am)DysphoricRomeo:ask me a triggered question with how to do it

(11:57:48 am)TheSnob:Countess, how do I do it?

(11:57:53 am)DysphoricRomeo:contessa

(11:59:12 am)TheSnob:Answered to Countess before, I see no reason why it shouldn't again.

(11:59:34 am)DysphoricRomeo:weird.. I must have read it wrong

(11:59:40 am)TheSnob:Unless, you know, you're just full of crap with the hypnosis thing, and have happened upon this supremely clever way of topping from the bottom to try to get a woman to treat you like a sissyman.

(12:00:44 pm)DysphoricRomeo:I am not a sissy babe

(12:06:44 pm)TheSnob:And yet you keep letting women talk you into wearing complete women's outfits, and try like hell to get other women to tell you how sub and pretty and feminine you are.

(12:07:33 pm)DysphoricRomeo:I am NOT trying to have you tell me I am submissive and pretty. You are undoing it.

(12:09:18 pm)TheSnob:Undoing what? If it's just the clothing for the dare, there's nothing to undo. If it really is the precarious sort of situation that I just theorized, then just admit it and continue, knowing that the kind of woman that actually would provide that sort of insight and mental dominance will have no patience with you trying to maneuver her into it.

And then there was nothing. I'm at once sad and hopeful; he seems so reluctant to be honest about himself. Things don't add up. But hell, maybe I pulled out enough of my "That's enough of the bullshit" domme to make him think more critically about what he really wants.

I won't hold my breath.

#19 - Welcome to the End of My Patience

2009-09-15T12:46:00.002-04:00

(12:03:05 pm)InconsistentRomeo:hey

(12:05:11 pm)TheSnob:Hey yourself.

(12:06:38 pm)InconsistentRomeo:im (redacted), im 6'6, with a 8pack, vlines and 10.5

(12:06:41 pm)InconsistentRomeo:u r fuckin sexy

(12:07:52 pm)TheSnob::Hello (Redacted). I'm just barely over 5 feet, with stretch marks and a leftover baby belly and a short tolerance for people who can't be bothered to type out three letter words.

(12:08:42 pm)InconsistentRomeo:oh my

(12:11:06 pm)TheSnob:Beyond that... thank you for the compliment. It's nice to know people find me attractive.

Just on a whim, I went to actually see his profile, and was greeted among other things with this gem: "If you want a good guy who doesnt think with his dick all the time. Its not about geting into her pants, I rather get into her heart!"

Oh yes, of course; you were telling me you have a 10.5 (insert unit of measurement here) heart.

How silly of me to think otherwise.

#18 - Sometimes Mocking Nicknames stick

2009-09-11T21:21:00.000-04:00

[8:31:54 pm]VisualRomeo:hi babe

[8:32:14 pm]TheSnob:Hello dollface.

[8:35:29 pm]VisualRomeo:lol

[8:35:30 pm]VisualRomeo:whats up ?

[8:36:15 pm]TheSnob:Not too much; enjoying a rainy Friday evening in.

[8:36:47 pm]VisualRomeo:hmm

[8:36:50 pm]VisualRomeo:do u have msn or yahoo ?

[8:38:01 pm]TheSnob:I have screennames on both services, yes.

[8:38:21 pm]VisualRomeo:whats yr msn ?

[8:38:47 pm]TheSnob:I don't generally share those with someone I haven't yet gotten to know. :)

[8:39:31 pm]VisualRomeo:well maybe u should make an exception with dollface ;)

[8:39:37 pm]VisualRomeo:i want to talk to u on cam

[8:40:31 pm]TheSnob:Oh dollface, you're adorable, but I don't think so.

[8:41:04 pm]VisualRomeo:why not ?

[8:43:05 pm]TheSnob:I don't have any particular reason to make an exception.

[8:43:51 pm]VisualRomeo:ok

[8:44:09 pm]VisualRomeo:neither do i lol....i only talk on cam and messenger.... ;)

[8:45:41 pm]TheSnob:I see. Well then, it's been pleasant speaking with you.

He was rather pretty, but pretty does not a conversation make.

#17 - In Which We Affirm The Dictionary Would Not Be Improved By Making It One Big Word

2009-09-11T15:11:00.003-04:00

[2:26:10 pm]CompressedRomeo:hey

[2:26:20 pm]TheSnob:Hello.

[2:28:16 pm]CompressedRomeo:howareyou dear

[2:29:00 pm]TheSnob:Faring fairly well. And yourself?

[2:29:19 pm]CompressedRomeo:imwonderful

[2:29:31 pm]TheSnob:You seem to be having spacebar malfunction!

[2:29:51 pm]CompressedRomeo:it keepssticking

[2:30:21 pm]TheSnob:I hate when that happens... some canned air, and alcohol on cotton swabs usually helps with that.

[2:31:02 pm]CompressedRomeo:ok

[2:32:36 pm]TheSnob:If you're really careful, with some keyboards you can even pop off the keys to clean underneath. :)

[2:32:52 pm]CompressedRomeo:oh

[2:33:20 pm]TheSnob:The spacebar is usually the hardest one to pop off, because it's usually held in with a pair of springloaded wires....

[2:34:21 pm]CompressedRomeo:yeah

[2:34:46 pm]CompressedRomeo:thats my cellphone

[2:35:16 pm]CompressedRomeo:423217****

[2:36:03 pm]TheSnob:Why are you giving me that?

[2:36:40 pm]CompressedRomeo:sorry imeant togivetosoeoneelels

[2:37:00 pm]CompressedRomeo:ifyouwanted it

[2:37:09 pm]CompressedRomeo:soyoucansend me txt

[2:37:21 pm]TheSnob:I don't text strangers.

[2:37:27 pm]CompressedRomeo:ok

[2:37:46 pm]TheSnob:You should definitely look into cleaning under your spacebar.

[2:37:56 pm]CompressedRomeo:ok

[2:48:47 pm]CompressedRomeo:iwillokintothat

So from what I could gather from his garbled communication is that, somehow, he was IMing me using his mobile phone, and poorly at that. I am well aware of the uses of a mobile for text and internet; it's one of the main reasons I have a phone. I'm constantly online, I IM with friends... I use it for text and data far, far more than I ever do as an actual phone, although that portion of it is handy as well.

That said? The only difference I make sure people I'm writing to ever see, when I'm on my mobile, is that my response time is a bit slow, because I simply cannot type as fast there as I do upon a regular keyboard. I don't shorten or skip words. I don't leave off punctuation. I certainly don't avoid my space key as if it's been fitted with plague-bearing neelpoints, the way thig man was!

Beyond that - really, your cell phone number, to a stranger on the internet? I'm actively restraining myself from posting it to 4chan, to let the lovely lovely /b/tards teach him a lesson about personal safeguards.

But I'm not an asshole, I'm just a snob.

With a clean keyboard.

#16 - Make Music in 4/4 Time With Your Poultry Exposed

2009-09-08T00:10:00.002-04:00

(11:56:49 pm)PerformerRomeo:Hey, What do you think about somebody doing something infront of a webcam ?

(11:58:49 pm)TheSnob:It happens all the time. The something tends to be a vital piece of information for me to form an opinion on, however. I like when people do creative things on camera.

(11:59:46 pm)PerformerRomeo:Would you want to see my hard cock ?

(11:59:55 pm)TheSnob:You keep chickens?

And that, as they say, was that.

#15 - Staticstics Show That 90% of Romeos Fail at Foreplay*

2009-09-02T10:07:00.003-04:00

(9:51:58 am)MisguidedRomeo:So here's a thought..Do you think the fact that we're a 75% match means we'll accept eachother's advances 3 times out of 4?

(9:53:36 am)TheSnob:That is an intriguing supposition. In theory, it means that your stated desires of what match question answers you want from a partner as applied to my answers, and mine in return to yours, share an intersection 75% of the time.

(9:54:08 am)TheSnob:But it's quite possible that it means we also have a good chance of mutual acceptance (likely because of that intersection).

(9:55:09 am)MisguidedRomeo:I actually flunked statistics so I have no earthly idea what I'm talking about...it just sounded better than "hey baby ur hot"

(9:56:15 am)TheSnob:I took AP Probability and Statistics. I only got a 2 on the exam, but I paid attention well enough to fake my way through casual conversation. *laugh*

(9:56:40 am)MisguidedRomeo:I just wanted to flirt with you lol

(9:57:26 am)TheSnob:Well, you've definitely got my brain switched on! How're things?

(9:58:05 am)MisguidedRomeo:Are you saying I turn you on?

(9:58:45 am)TheSnob:The brain is potentially our largest erogenous zone, especially taking into account the potential applicability of psychosomatism.

(9:59:05 am)TheSnob:Potential things are potential. Repetitive (redacted) is repetitive....

(9:59:30 am)MisguidedRomeo:I want you so bad lol

(10:00:22 am)TheSnob:See? Big words, viable theories - the semblance of intelligence causing a desirous reaction. The brain is indeed an erogenous zone. :)

(10:00:46 am)MisguidedRomeo:*wraps my arms around you and kisses you softly*

(10:01:27 am)TheSnob:Wow. Hi. No.

(10:02:04 am)TheSnob: I think you just stumbled into that other 25%.

* The statistic in the title is entirely fabricated and is likely wrong. It could very well be more than 90%...

#14 - U Can't Touch Dis (And Keep Out Of My Brain)

2009-08-27T12:40:00.000-04:00

[11:51:10 am]RacistRomeo:God damn you are a fine ass whitegirl!!

[11:53:04 am]TheSnob:Thank you.

[11:54:13 am]RacistRomeo:I can tell just by looking at you that you are too much woman for a whiteboy to handle properly

[11:54:53 am]TheSnob:Oh really.

[11:56:07 am]RacistRomeo:You know damn well its true too.

[11:56:46 am]TheSnob:You know what I know? *suspicious look* Are you a mind reader or something? Because mind reders freak me out.

[11:57:37 am]RacistRomeo:Haha, just admit it

[11:58:32 am]TheSnob:I am admitting it: mind readers freak me out.

Then he went silent. And then, sadly, my browser crashed, and when I got it up and running again the desire to poke at him was gone.

#12 - Vogon Poetry Begets Serial Killer Orphans

2009-08-25T21:30:00.003-04:00

Remember the guy who took ten minutes to think of the best insult ever to call me, and then accused me of having unpleasantly fragrant womanparts mere minutes apart from claiming I didn't have any at all?

Yeah. He messaged me again today, with no apparent recollection of having done so before. Even with hints.

(4:45:00 pm)HumorlessRomeo:hi (redacted)

(4:48:29 pm)TheSnob:Hello.

(4:48:51 pm)HumorlessRomeo:are you alone this morning

(4:49:26 pm)TheSnob:It's afternoon for me.

(4:49:39 pm)HumorlessRomeo:even better

(4:49:54 pm)HumorlessRomeo:I'm looking for some sexy talk

(4:50:01 pm)HumorlessRomeo:you up for it?

(4:50:21 pm)TheSnob:I am not.

(4:50:41 pm)TheSnob:I'm a little proccupied.

(4:52:17 pm)HumorlessRomeo:can I help you with that?

(4:52:29 pm)HumorlessRomeo:perhaps you deserve a distraction

(4:52:33 pm)TheSnob:Perhaps; how are you at writing terrible poetry?

(4:52:43 pm)HumorlessRomeo:oh not bad

(4:53:37 pm)HumorlessRomeo:are you sure there isn't something else I can do for you?

(4:53:58 pm)TheSnob:I don't imagine so. Unless you offer dogsitting services.

(4:54:23 pm)HumorlessRomeo:you sure?

(4:54:36 pm)HumorlessRomeo:I have someone hear who'd lreally like it if you said yes

(4:54:54 pm)TheSnob:Quite sure.

(4:54:56 pm)HumorlessRomeo:he's hard to ignore

(4:55:06 pm)TheSnob:Is it Bobcat Goldthwait?

(4:55:22 pm)HumorlessRomeo:you could call it bob

(4:56:30 pm)TheSnob:He's very difficult to ignore. I'm not sure if it's the voice, or the stare, or both.

(4:56:54 pm)HumorlessRomeo:well my bob doesn't speak

(4:57:01 pm)HumorlessRomeo:but he does point

(4:57:05 pm)HumorlessRomeo:and poke

(4:57:08 pm)HumorlessRomeo:incessantly

(4:57:40 pm)TheSnob:That's rather rude; I would think your friend Bob's mother would have taught him better manners.

(4:57:51 pm)TheSnob:Oh, or is he an orphan? Or still a child?

(4:58:16 pm)HumorlessRomeo:he's an orphan

(4:58:24 pm)HumorlessRomeo:he needs a place to stay

(4:58:32 pm)HumorlessRomeo:preferably slippery

(4:59:44 pm)TheSnob:It's not usually a good idea to put orphan children in slippery places. They could fall and get hurt.

(4:59:51 pm)TheSnob:Emergency room visits are expensive.

(5:00:05 pm)TheSnob:And the stress incurred is terrible for the overall health of everyone involved.

(5:00:06 pm)HumorlessRomeo:yes they are

(5:00:31 pm)HumorlessRomeo:hmm

(5:01:13 pm)HumorlessRomeo:all he really wants is to make you feel good

(5:01:25 pm)TheSnob:I imagine you could find him a good home if you contact the local branch of CPS. They'll probably find Bob a foster home.

(5:01:46 pm)HumorlessRomeo:but what about you

(5:01:50 pm)TheSnob:Oh, that's sweet and sad. Looking for a sense of validation by providing a semblance of well-being to strangers.

(5:01:51 pm)HumorlessRomeo:and y our pleasure

(5:02:03 pm)TheSnob:Oh, I'm just fine. I'm not an orphan.

(5:03:56 pm)HumorlessRomeo:well bob likes you

(5:04:05 pm)HumorlessRomeo:he'd like to insert himself in you

(5:05:17 pm)HumorlessRomeo:although penetrate is better

(5:05:58 pm)HumorlessRomeo:brush against your sedxy lips

(5:06:10 pm)TheSnob:Oh dear me. Inverse birthing desire is usually indicative of deep-rooted maternal turmoil.

(5:06:30 pm)TheSnob:Penetrate me? That sounds rather stabby. I don't want to be stabbed. Or have my lips pierced.

(5:06:31 pm)HumorlessRomeo:yes

(5:06:43 pm)TheSnob:Isn't Bob the orphan a little young ot be a licensed piercer?

(5:06:58 pm)HumorlessRomeo:he's freelance

(5:07:26 pm)HumorlessRomeo:I think he's going to cum inside you

(5:07:44 pm)TheSnob:Even freelance piercers usually have to have some manner of licensing from the state board of health - although some states, as I recall, are more lax on that than others.

(5:08:05 pm)TheSnob:But I'm not a building. He can't come in.

(5:08:25 pm)HumorlessRomeo:he's in

(5:08:45 pm)TheSnob:In what? Oh, in custody of CPS? That was quick.

(5:09:07 pm)HumorlessRomeo:he's in your pussy

(5:09:14 pm)HumorlessRomeo:and oh he is throbbing

(5:10:01 pm)TheSnob:Oh no, my cat!

(5:10:16 pm)TheSnob:Hurting small animals is the first sign of a serial killer, you know!

(5:10:26 pm)TheSnob:You'd better get him taken in right away!

(5:10:36 pm)TheSnob:And now I have to go get my cat to the vet!

At this point I shut down and skedaddled (much as I would have liked to continue the (I hesitate to use the word) conversation, for personal amusement if nothing else) on my commute - but when I got home, it looks like he (*cough*) shot of a little more before my account disconnected.

(5:10:41 pm)HumorlessRomeo:yes

(5:10:47 pm)HumorlessRomeo:it will need to be cleaned

(5:10:55 pm)HumorlessRomeo:I'm afraid you've missed the show

(5:11:11 pm)HumorlessRomeo:bob is finished performing

(5:11:29 pm)HumorlessRomeo:but he appreciates your presence

And me without my basket of rotten fruit.

11.B - Put On Your Big Boy Girl Panties

2009-08-21T14:52:00.002-04:00

So I came back from lunch to this:

(12:28:02 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Yeah, girly is different from being a woman

(12:28:09 pm)DysphoricRomeo:my outfit is super girly.. but i don't have a vagina

(1:43:14 pm)TheSnob:I hadn't assumed that you do.

(1:46:34 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Yes I know. I guess I just get all cauight up in things sometimes.

(1:46:45 pm)DysphoricRomeo:It just hit me that I have been using the ladies washroom today haha

(1:47:49 pm)TheSnob:Hasn't that gotten you strange looks?

(1:48:30 pm)DysphoricRomeo:No. It is weird. I am tired of hearing miss too

(1:48:52 pm)TheSnob:People are calling you miss?

(1:49:03 pm)DysphoricRomeo:yes!! several times

(1:49:25 pm)TheSnob:Congratulations. You're passing.

(1:49:41 pm)DysphoricRomeo:I'm passing??

(1:49:46 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Passing what?

(1:51:18 pm)TheSnob:Passing as female. That's something that MtF transgender folk sometimes struggle with.

(1:51:53 pm)DysphoricRomeo:They are just seeing my dress. I don't look like a girl

(1:53:03 pm)TheSnob:They're seeing your dress, and calling you miss - associating the gender trappings of the clothing with the person wearing them, rather than noticing you for who you are.

(1:53:09 pm)TheSnob:It's rather telling, don't you think?

(1:53:39 pm)DysphoricRomeo:What do you mean?

(1:53:52 pm)DysphoricRomeo:I don't look like a girl or amI acting ladylike.

(1:55:13 pm)TheSnob:Exactly. But you're wearing a dress, which is normally a female's garment.

(1:55:35 pm)TheSnob:People aren't even looking at YOU, the person wearing the garment; they're seeing the dress and making an assumption.

(1:55:41 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Yes maam. YOu know what the lady said when I came in

(1:55:56 pm)DysphoricRomeo:She said that she tought it was cute when girl's dressed femininely.

(1:56:16 pm)TheSnob:That might be one of the things your friends are trying to get you to notice - how much a woman is judged on and defined by her clothing, instead of who she actually is.

(1:56:26 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Or something like that. That she wished more young girls would embrace being a woman.

(1:56:35 pm)DysphoricRomeo:She was looking right at me!!!

(1:58:52 pm)TheSnob:And yet she wasn't really SEEING you.

(1:59:16 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Yes she was. She didn't see anything that said I was a boy.

(2:00:18 pm)TheSnob:Exactly. You're wearing a dress and makeup, but said you don't look like a girl - yet all she saw about you were the things that scream girl.

(2:00:45 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Yeah, but that means i do look like a girl.

(2:01:20 pm)TheSnob:You said before that you don't look like a girl.

(2:01:28 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Obviously I do!

(2:01:41 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Otherwise several people woudln't think I was a girl.

(2:02:28 pm)TheSnob:All right then. You look like a girl.

(2:02:53 pm)DysphoricRomeo:But that shouldn't be possible. I am not pretty and feminine.

(2:03:17 pm)TheSnob:There are a lot of girls that aren't pretty and feminine, but wear dresses and makeup anyway.

(2:03:32 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Yeah, but that is because it makes you feel pretty and feminine.

(2:04:09 pm)TheSnob:More often because it's an accepted social more.

(2:04:46 pm)TheSnob:Feeling pretty and feminine isn't always brought on by clothing; sometimes if someone is feeling ugly, no amount of makeup and not even the prettiest dress can fix it.

(2:05:20 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Yeah, but I feel pretty and feminine.

(2:05:46 pm)TheSnob:I think I've lost track of what the problem is, here.

(2:07:21 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Yeah, I guess I should feel pretty and feminine when I am dressed like a proper girl. That is why I feel nice in my dress and people think I am a girl.

(2:09:03 pm)TheSnob:I suppose so. As long as it's comfortable.

(2:09:23 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Well kind of. I guess its good to be feminine, but I shouldn't be dressed like a little girl.

(2:09:30 pm)DysphoricRomeo:I should be in more grown up linerie anda dress.

(2:09:46 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Cause this feels sexy/erotic, but it is very feminine.

(2:10:52 pm)TheSnob:If you venture to do such a thing again, then, I would suggest you acquire more age-appropriate attire.

(2:11:14 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Yeah, I should probably dress more my age.

(2:11:21 pm)DysphoricRomeo:But I don't have other dreses or panties and stuff

(2:12:24 pm)TheSnob:Unless you have plans to cross-dress again, I don't see that it should even be much of a worry.

(2:13:03 pm)DysphoricRomeo:What do you mean crossdress? I am just saying I should dress more my age by having more appropriate dresses and lingerie.

(2:13:29 pm)TheSnob:Crossdressing is wearing clothing normally ascribed only to the opposite gender.

(2:13:56 pm)DysphoricRomeo:But i am not crossdressing if I look like i belong in a dress and lignerie.

(2:14:27 pm)DysphoricRomeo:It feels nicer to have satin and lace next to my skin. It turns me on makes me feel sexy, so that is what I belong in I think.

(2:14:27 pm)TheSnob:Yes you are. If you look like you belong in it, then you're passing, but you haven't changed your physical sex.

(2:14:46 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Yes I know that. I still have a penis in my panties.

(2:15:18 pm)DysphoricRomeo:But apparently I am suited to be dressed femininely. It is like the more I accept it, the more I feel sexy about it.

(2:16:23 pm)TheSnob:Fantastic. Congratulations on coming to terms with this new facet of your gender identity.

(2:16:43 pm)DysphoricRomeo:What do you mean? The more and more I feel feminine the more and more excited i get.

(2:16:57 pm)DysphoricRomeo:It is like my clothes feel sexier when I say it even.

(2:17:13 pm)TheSnob:That's nice.

(2:17:30 pm)DysphoricRomeo:So maybe that is my body saying that I belong in pretty things like a princess..

(2:17:41 pm)TheSnob:Perhaps it is.

(2:18:04 pm)DysphoricRomeo:And when I am a big girl, I would wear things that are sexier I think.

(2:19:57 pm)TheSnob:Good plan.

(2:20:11 pm)DysphoricRomeo:My head feels mixed up I think maam

(2:22:06 pm)TheSnob:Good plan.

(2:22:26 pm)DysphoricRomeo:What do you mean?

(2:23:18 pm)TheSnob:To wear appropriate things as a grownup.

(2:23:37 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Yeah, when I am grown up I will do that.

(2:23:46 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Until then I can wear princess things cause its cute and pretty

(2:23:54 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Hmmm

(2:24:02 pm)DysphoricRomeo:I think I am reacting funny to my clothes

(2:25:12 pm)TheSnob:There's definitely something funny going on.

(2:25:29 pm)TheSnob:When is the 24-hour period up?

....twenty minutes of utter silence later, I refreshed the page, and discovered that his account is now listed as User Deleted. Do I get to take credit for that, or is it just coincidence?

#11.A - You Are Not A Pretty Princess

2009-08-21T12:25:00.002-04:00

It was such a NICE first line. Then it became what I suspect is possibly the most creative ever attempt at topping from the bottom in order to get oneself treated as a submissive. Or else he was actually hypnotized by his friends into cross-dressing for 24 hours. I'm not sure which is more amusing.

(Note: Several instances of real name removed prior to publication.)

(9:36:03 am)DysphoricRomeo:Greetings and hello. How are you doing today?

(9:38:49 am)TheSnob:Hello and good morning (assuming it is morning for you as well). I'm doing rather well today, thank you. And yourself?

(9:39:54 am)DysphoricRomeo:Good to hear! And I am doing well, I think. This is already such an interesting experience day.

(9:40:55 am)DysphoricRomeo:Basically take the mixing of hypnosis and cross dressing and you get what I am experiencing today. My friends and I were discussing stereotypes for chicks. The end result was a bet/dare that I couldn't spend a day in their things, in public. So here I am sitting here as a chick and thinking/feeling way too much like one because of the hypnosis.

(9:41:08 am)DysphoricRomeo:Nope, I sound loopy. Haha. Guys should not look down and see tights and a dress. Never mind the other layers.

(9:44:12 am)TheSnob:*chuckle* That's an interesting challenge that you and your friends have set for yourself; how is it going so far? Aside from the obvious unfamiliarity of women's clothing on your person, how is it making you think/feel like a woman?

(9:44:35 am)TheSnob:(I have a friend who enjoys going out in a pretty dress from time to time,, so that's not really so much of an oddity for me.)

(9:46:21 am)DysphoricRomeo:It is odd feeling! Haha. I am wearing make-up, puffy dress, tights, shiny shoes, panties, purse, etc. etc. etc. etc.

(9:46:40 am)DysphoricRomeo:I don't know what is more girly feeling/embarrassing… all the girly clothes layers that chicks are supposed to wear or the funny thoughts that pop in my head from the hypnosis perception inversion.

(9:47:25 am)TheSnob:I must confess unfamiliarity with the concept of "hypnosis perception inversion" - can you explain in brief for me?

(9:53:20 am)DysphoricRomeo:I keep acting super girly. Fixing my dress, crossing my legs and just acting like I belong in a dress like a chick does. I am starting to think they used a silly perception inversion on me.

(9:53:35 am)DysphoricRomeo:Basically, a perception inversion is taking the person hypnotized and making them feel stereotypes they have about someone else actually applies to them. I have an idea.

(9:54:47 am)TheSnob:Adjusting a dress to make sure one is modestly covered is a pretty normal thing; I've found myself doing the same thing even in pants or shorts, tugging to make sure it's not binding, and I know men do the same.

(9:55:10 am)TheSnob:Do you think that perhaps you are instead hyper-aware of it, because of the unfamiliarity of the other-gendered clothing you're wearing?

(9:55:26 am)DysphoricRomeo:well.. and the inversion.. but also cause i'm not used to wear bras and panties and stuff

(9:56:10 am)DysphoricRomeo:I haven't used the trigger by reading in a while. Can I get you to type something for me. I want to see if I can figure out what they did.

(9:56:17 am)TheSnob:Any new type of clothing definitely takes some getting used to, certainly.

(9:56:31 am)DysphoricRomeo:well tights and sikly patnies and stuff.. never mind my pretty dress

(9:56:57 am)TheSnob:My understanding of hypnosis, though is that it's something that cannot be done to a person involuntarily.

(9:57:15 am)DysphoricRomeo:Of course not, they have to allow to be put under, which I did, I just think they tried a slightly different inversion

(9:57:50 am)TheSnob:What is the difference between what they intended and what you suspect they did?

(9:58:04 am)DysphoricRomeo:That is what I am unsure. And why I want you to try something. Do you mind?

(9:58:32 am)TheSnob:I'm leery of promising unknown assistance, but tell me what it is you'd need, and I'll tell you if I'm willing.

(9:58:50 am)DysphoricRomeo:First let me explain. The trigger is the word contessa. Any question that follows it gives me the "urge" to answer it. (Even if it happened when I was hypnotized.) Make sense?

(10:00:08 am)TheSnob:I think so; in theory, suing that trigger, I could ask you to explain to me the hypnosis that was used on you, and you'd get the urge/compulsion to answer.

(10:00:37 am)DysphoricRomeo:Exactly!> But you can type what I tell you so you don't make me feel girlier.

(10:01:21 am)TheSnob:What, specifically, are you asking me to type?

(10:01:23 am)DysphoricRomeo:Okay then, type this: "Contessa, do you still have a PI active in your mind? If so, contessa, what is it?"

(10:01:43 am)TheSnob:Contessa, do you still have a PI active in your mind? If so, contessa, what is it?

(10:03:29 am)DysphoricRomeo:Heather made me feel like a shy little girl who desperately wants to feel like a princess, maam. She thinks the best way to find and take direction from other girls. If you see this you triggered (Redacted). If you want to learn how the full trigger works and give him some "direction," please type "Contessa, explain trigger."

(10:03:59 am)TheSnob:Contessa, explain trigger.

(10:04:19 am)DysphoricRomeo:Ahh. They are setting me up to find people to help them make me feel girly. Hahahah.. Those little bitches. You are not allowedYes maam I will explain the trigger.

(10:11:51 am)DysphoricRomeo:Thanks for helping teach (Redacted) a lesson about feeling like a princess. :) The trigger works two ways. You can make him answer questions. Just type contessa, then the question. Such as "Contessa, what colour are your panties?" The other is a suggestion. You can influence what he is thinking (to a certain degree). Such as "contessa, you like how pretty your dress feels" or "contessa, you are picturing yourself dressed as a ballerina." All of this wears off, so don't worry about breaking him. Thanks and have fun!

(10:12:44 am)TheSnob:Contessa, does (Redacted) actually want to feel like a princess, or is that desire entirely a construction of his "friends"?

(10:13:17 am)DysphoricRomeo:I am (Redacted) maam. And I do'nt want to feel like a princess besides the inversion feeling in my head that makes me react like a little girl.

(10:13:58 am)TheSnob:Fascinating. So it's not like "contessa" is a separate personality answering the questions, it's just a trigger for the compulsion to answer and respond?

(10:14:05 am)DysphoricRomeo:Weird. It was like I was waiting for you to sya something.

(10:14:14 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yes. It is just a trigger not a separate personality

(10:14:59 am)TheSnob:Contessa, is there a trigger to end the hypnosis before it wears off?

(10:15:24 am)DysphoricRomeo:No maam, the trigger is only used for modification of existing suggestions.

(10:16:06 am)TheSnob:Contessa, is there a way to disable the trigger?

(10:16:31 am)DysphoricRomeo:No maam, the trigger cannot be disabled until I finish my bet.

(10:16:45 am)TheSnob:Contessa, what comprises the completion of the bet?

(10:17:24 am)DysphoricRomeo:To spend 24 hours as a girl or becoming so turned on by feeling girly that I orgasm maam

(10:17:26 am)DysphoricRomeo:wtf

(10:17:39 am)DysphoricRomeo:I knew about the first part, but not the latter

(10:18:06 am)TheSnob:Contessa, can I use the trigger to instruct (Redacted) not to respond to triggered instructions that run counter to his own desires/preferences?

(10:18:40 am)DysphoricRomeo:No maam, I am not allowed to do that

(10:19:00 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yeah, you should be able to. It is a woman's job to wear pretty things like this

(10:19:37 am)TheSnob:Contessa, why not? It would seem logical to me that the trigger should urge compliance with that suggestion,s trengthened by the underlying basic desires or aversions the subject already has.

(10:21:35 am)DysphoricRomeo:Because I am allowed to take triggers that allow me to move toward my goal of ending my bet maam

(10:22:55 am)TheSnob:Contessa, are there any other parameters to the bet, knowledge relevant to the bet, or triggers that are latent and/or unknown to (Redacted)?

(10:24:33 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yes maam, I was unaware of the connection of sexual excitement to feeling submissive and feminine and how it could build in me maam. Also, I was unaware that my sexist behaviour was one of the reason the women thought I should learn how it feels

(10:26:27 am)TheSnob:This is fascinating, (Redacted). What do you think of this?

(10:26:41 am)DysphoricRomeo:I shouldn't get turned on by how pretty my things feel!

(10:26:50 am)DysphoricRomeo:It is a woman's job to feel sexy in panties and stuff

(10:27:20 am)TheSnob:May I play devil's advocate to your claims?

(10:27:26 am)DysphoricRomeo:Sure.

(10:28:29 am)TheSnob:Turn-ons aren't inherently defined by things that are socially accepted as "common" or right. There are many things that turn people on that could be considered unusual or even deviant, when laid against a percentage of the population on a bell curve style of distribution.

(10:29:22 am)DysphoricRomeo:But I feel all pretty and feminine and that make syou feel delicate and submissive.

(10:29:50 am)TheSnob:There are people who get turned on by dressing up like stylized animal shapes in latex suits and playing domination submission games involving food. There are people who get turned on by automobiles. Kink and fetish tend to be very hushhush.

(10:30:05 am)DysphoricRomeo:But i'm not a little princess!

(10:30:14 am)DysphoricRomeo:My panties have ballerinas on them and ruffles

(10:30:30 am)TheSnob:That said, there are often common factors in things that are, while not forthrightly accepted as turnons for both genders, nonetheless arousing.

(10:30:52 am)TheSnob:No, you aren't a little princess; but you are a man who is undergoing an interesting, albeit somewhat unethical, experiment at the hands of your friends.

(10:31:04 am)DysphoricRomeo:But I feel so dainty and feminine.

(10:31:15 am)DysphoricRomeo:my pretty tights and my dress and stuff.. This is what a princess gets to wear

(10:32:02 am)TheSnob:You say that you shouldn't feel pretty or sexy in panties, and point out the girl things on them - but setting aside the ballerinas, setting aside that the cloth is women's underwear; the cloth itself feels good. It's a sensual treat, and an unusual one in a world where most men's underwear is a poly-cotton elasticized blend of some kind.

(10:32:40 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yes, that is true, but its so silky and I can feel the lace bits and ruffles on them when I move around.

(10:32:59 am)DysphoricRomeo:You can't put aside that satin or the ballerinas cause those make me feel girlier and prettier and such

(10:33:14 am)TheSnob:Exactly; physical sensation, sensuality.

(10:33:27 am)DysphoricRomeo:My panties are not supposed to feel like that.

(10:33:58 am)TheSnob:You have the option outside of the compulsion that's been hypnotized into you, to consider these things on their own physical merit, set apart from the connotations of sex and gender as ascribed to the construction of the garment.

(10:34:30 am)DysphoricRomeo:What do you mean?

(10:34:34 am)TheSnob:Aren't they? And yet there are many stores, both online and brick-and-mortar, that sell men's boxers and thongs in silk and lace and other exotic fabrics.

(10:34:49 am)DysphoricRomeo:But my panties are pretty, that is why they feel so nice.

(10:34:59 am)DysphoricRomeo:You wear panties like this cause you wish you could be a ballerina or stuff.

(10:36:06 am)TheSnob:Is that your supposition, or the compulsion of the hypnosis, making that assumption?

(10:36:30 am)DysphoricRomeo:my supposition, you put on pantie slike this cause you think ballerinas are pretty

(10:36:41 am)DysphoricRomeo:its the next best thing to getting to wear a tutu

(10:37:49 am)TheSnob:The ballerinas I've known generally don't tend to wear panties with ballerinas on them. In fact, most grown women don't; that's the sort of print more often seen on little girl undergarments.

(10:38:13 am)DysphoricRomeo:yeah, I know when you are a big girl you don't wear panties like mine

(10:38:30 am)DysphoricRomeo:Which is kind of similar to my dress and tights and all the rest too.

(10:39:02 am)TheSnob:So did you friends actually dress you up in little girl clothing?

(10:39:14 am)DysphoricRomeo:What do you mean?

(10:39:36 am)TheSnob:Because they don't generally make panties like that for grown women.

(10:39:55 am)DysphoricRomeo:yeah, these are like little girl panties

(10:40:09 am)DysphoricRomeo:and my tights have hearts on them and I have a pretty dress with puffy sleeves and and stuff

(10:40:26 am)TheSnob:Wow. They really did dress you up like a child's vision of a princess.

(10:40:58 am)DysphoricRomeo:See! I'm like a little princess!

(10:41:16 am)DysphoricRomeo:And thats why my panties are pretty with ballerinas cause its like syaing I wish I could be a ballerina in a tutu and stuff

(10:42:00 am)TheSnob:Contessa, does (Redacted) actually want to feel like a pretty princess, or is that part of the hypnotic compulsion?

(10:43:26 am)DysphoricRomeo:I am (Redacted) maam. The compulsion makes me want to fit into the inversion and I feel an unlying urge to fullfill my bet.

(10:45:44 am)DysphoricRomeo:Of course I don't want to be a pretty princess! Dresses make you feel feminine and delicate hun

(10:45:57 am)DysphoricRomeo:That means I like how myp anties and dress feel or i want to wear a cute loetard or whatever

(10:47:13 am)TheSnob:How do you think this fits in to that hidden parameter of the bet, as far as your women friends thinking that you tend to be sexist?

(10:47:30 am)DysphoricRomeo:because I can feel when i say girly things i get a rush from it

(10:48:39 am)DysphoricRomeo:or you having me justifying my clothes makes me feel girlier and more submissive maam

(10:48:58 am)TheSnob:Do you think that's really helping to get an understanding of sexism, or do you think that perhaps it's actually ultimately going to feed into it?

(10:49:27 am)TheSnob:Because as it stands right now, it seems like all this hypnotic exercise is REALLY doing is utterly sexualizing every component of the female outfit you're wearing.

(10:49:29 am)DysphoricRomeo:I think perhaps I know what it ifeels like more on the inside. NOt that its my job to know how silky panties and bras and stuff feel

(10:49:54 am)DysphoricRomeo:Hmmm. That is true. I wonder if tha is why they picked some so silly for an outfit. Since it is not realistic

(10:50:43 am)TheSnob:I think that it's at least good to have an awareness of how much goes into a woman's outfit. They can be undeniably complicated.

(10:51:07 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yeah, I can see that there are a lot of layers and fabrics and things ot feel pretty and feminine.

(10:51:16 am)TheSnob:It is definitely not a realistic woman's outfit at all. It sounds more like an outfit that a little girl would wear to play dressup.

(10:51:31 am)DysphoricRomeo:Exactly! It is much more of an outfit I would use to play dress up like a princess

(10:52:02 am)DysphoricRomeo:I should be wearing grown up panties not pretty ones liek these

(10:54:21 am)TheSnob:Well, grown up panties dow also tend to be pretty - they just don't tend to be so childish.

(10:54:45 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yes I know but these make me feel pretty and submissive. It doesn't help they are silky and ruffly.

(10:54:52 am)DysphoricRomeo:Cause i notice my panties when I move and stuff

(10:55:30 am)TheSnob:Of course you do. They're unfamiliar in both style and substance.

(10:55:44 am)TheSnob:Although I wonder about the ruffles - did your friends put you in rhumba pants?

(10:55:46 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yeah, they feel so silky and soft and make you feel all dainty and such

(10:55:52 am)DysphoricRomeo:rhumba?

(10:56:06 am)DysphoricRomeo:"put you in" .. it sounds like they had to drses me! :P

(10:56:26 am)TheSnob:*grin* Are the ruffles across the butt? It's a specific type of panty known as rhumba pants, developed as part of the dancing world to wear while doing the rhumba.

(10:56:42 am)TheSnob:Well, did you pick out the clothes yourself, or did your friends pick them out for you?

(10:56:58 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yes. They have ruffles on the bum of my tights, not on panties. They have ruffles aorund the leg.

(10:57:01 am)DysphoricRomeo:They picked out my clothes

(10:57:56 am)TheSnob:They made you wear ruffled panties under tights? That's kind of rude.

(10:58:35 am)DysphoricRomeo:That so I look pretty if i don't have on tights

(10:58:45 am)DysphoricRomeo:but the ruffles on my panties are not a lot

(10:59:10 am)TheSnob:I would hope not. Ruffles on panties would get smushed under tights, and probably itch.

(10:59:10 am)DysphoricRomeo:not like the pretty ones on my tights..

(10:59:33 am)DysphoricRomeo:The ones on my tights are more cause I can feel them under my bum when I sit. It like all padded almost

(10:59:48 am)DysphoricRomeo:kind of hard to explain but almost like i'm sitting on padding

(11:00:21 am)TheSnob:I understand; I've seen tights with the rhumba pants ruffles.

(11:00:29 am)TheSnob:Again, typically only on tights made for very little girls.

(11:00:36 am)DysphoricRomeo:very little girls?

(11:01:14 am)TheSnob:Yeah. Like, toddlers.

(11:01:28 am)DysphoricRomeo:Toddlers? But i[m wearing panties.. toddlers wear diapers

(11:01:47 am)DysphoricRomeo:wtf.. that would feel all padded like the ruffles on my tights

(11:01:59 am)TheSnob:Depends on if they're potty trained. I know two kids who trained at one and a half, so they were still toddlers, but no lnger in diapers.

(11:02:26 am)DysphoricRomeo:well .. i'm not in diapers.. I wear panties

(11:02:42 am)TheSnob:Yes, you've said as much. Several times.

(11:02:53 am)DysphoricRomeo:I know, but i dind't want it to sound like i Needed a diaper

(11:02:58 am)DysphoricRomeo:sorry

(11:05:05 am)TheSnob:Contessa, does the compulsion include trying to steer the conversational partner into sexual discussion or praise for a "pretty princess"?

(11:06:15 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yes maam, I should continue to guide a conversation to make me feel more feminine and girly, so I am guided to fulfilling the compulsion to feel sexually excited and orgasm maam.

(11:06:25 am)DysphoricRomeo:hmmm

(11:06:55 am)TheSnob:Contessa, does that compulsion also include steering (Redacted) into a submissive role as part of trying to make him feel feminine?

(11:07:33 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yes maam, the more feminine i feel the more submissive I will feel which will feed off itself in a circle maam.

(11:08:02 am)TheSnob:contessa, was this specified by the girl or girls who did this hypnosis?

(11:08:44 am)DysphoricRomeo:No maam, not specificially but htis fulfill the overall desire of the second part of my bet maam.

(11:10:53 am)TheSnob:Very interesting. I can see where this butts up against the problem of sexism. It seems that you have the idea that the only way femininity is sexy is in terms of the girly or submissive, to the point of being shy, childlike, or otherwise somehow "lesser".

(11:11:42 am)DysphoricRomeo:They are just blowing it out of proportion. It isn't my job to wear such pretty things. I was supposed to be more dresed like a grown up

(11:12:35 am)TheSnob:Do you necessarily have to wear the same outfit for 24 hours, or can you cange into something that is a more "grown up" woman's outfit?

(11:12:50 am)DysphoricRomeo:I"m not sure. I don't exactly have other outfits.

(11:13:00 am)DysphoricRomeo:I'm not a chick that I have bras and panties to choose from

(11:13:51 am)TheSnob:Fair enough; although you did say that the bet was that you had to wear this stuff in public - I imagine you could go see your friend and demand help in acquiring a less ridiculous outfit.

(11:14:58 am)TheSnob:What happens if you lose this bet?

(11:15:44 am)DysphoricRomeo:They are either at work or in class righ tnow. And i guess it sin't as bad I make it out to be

(11:16:17 am)DysphoricRomeo:I'm not sure. But if I win I can control all of the next hypnosis sessions

(11:16:36 am)TheSnob:Ah... that's a pretty attractive prize, I don't doubt.

(11:17:12 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yes definitely. But now I'm the one in such a pretty dress silky little panties on my hips

(11:18:56 am)TheSnob:Yep. How is it going, dealing with how the hypnosis-induced demeanour of feeling and acting like a little girl as opposed to your usual persona?

(11:19:16 am)DysphoricRomeo:it makes me feel so feminine and delicate.. like people can see how feminine I am

(11:19:26 am)DysphoricRomeo:or are looking at my pretty dress

(11:19:48 am)TheSnob:And how does this compare to how you normally like to feel or be perceived?

(11:19:58 am)DysphoricRomeo:or I move and notice my pretty things and it feels so naughty

(11:20:02 am)DysphoricRomeo:its opposite.. I am not feminine

(11:20:27 am)TheSnob:Is this causing a physical or mental dysphoria for you?

(11:21:35 am)DysphoricRomeo:Kind of. I feel all feminine and squirming.. and stuff

(11:22:16 am)TheSnob:Do you know what Dysphoria is?

(11:22:25 am)DysphoricRomeo:Opposite of euphoria

(11:22:37 am)DysphoricRomeo:Distressed stage or mood, in effect

(11:23:11 am)TheSnob:Sort of. It's a very disconcerting sensation of being unhappy, out of place, out of touch, when the way you are or think you are supposed to by does not match up with the way you actually are.

(11:23:31 am)TheSnob:It's common in people who end up undergoing gender transition, prior to doing so.

(11:23:45 am)DysphoricRomeo:I guess so. I should like how pretty my dress and lingerie feels because its good to feel turned on and my panties feel sexy.

(11:25:51 am)TheSnob:I suppose it's rather a good sign that despite your conception of how you shouldn't feel sexy in women's clothing, you do seem to actually feel pretty okay with it.

(11:26:32 am)DysphoricRomeo:yes.. its hard not to notice how feminine and dainty you feel in a dress and such

(11:26:44 am)DysphoricRomeo:how can you not feel pretty with tights and panties caressing your figure

(11:27:21 am)TheSnob:That's often contingent on the nature of the garment. One feels very different in a ballgown as opposed to a sundress, or a cocktail dress, or a mumuu.

(11:27:39 am)DysphoricRomeo:yes, my dress is like a princess so it makes me feel all pretty and elegent

(11:27:44 am)DysphoricRomeo:I haven't got to wear those other ones

(11:28:43 am)TheSnob:I wouldn't think that you had; but I have, so I can speak from experience - they're all a type of dress, but each one makes you feel different just by what they are, as well as by what they're made of and how well they fit.

(11:29:01 am)DysphoricRomeo:yes they are soft and flowly and expose your legs and make you feel pretty

(11:29:54 am)DysphoricRomeo:it make syou want to twirl i htink cause you can feel your dress on your legs

(11:30:04 am)DysphoricRomeo:but you don't want to expose yourself.. unless you do it on purpose

(11:30:09 am)TheSnob:*nodding* That is often fun.

(11:30:17 am)TheSnob:The twirling, I mean.

(11:30:19 am)DysphoricRomeo:I was twirling before

(11:30:30 am)DysphoricRomeo:but my dress lifts up too high and you see the ruffles on my bum

(11:31:55 am)TheSnob:The point of the ruffles is two-fold; one, to puff the back of the dress slightly, in the way that a petticoat or crinoline would be to a smaller degree; and two, to be visually glimpsed beneath extravagant movement of the dress, such as happens during a rhumba.

(11:32:13 am)DysphoricRomeo:so its okay to show off the ruffles on my tights?

(11:32:18 am)DysphoricRomeo:that is naughty

(11:32:22 am)DysphoricRomeo:whoa..

(11:32:36 am)DysphoricRomeo:that was such a rush feeling when I thought that

(11:36:00 am)TheSnob:It's not naughty inherently; it's dependent on your intention, I suppose.

(11:36:22 am)DysphoricRomeo:if you want to excuse your bottom that is naughty

(11:36:31 am)DysphoricRomeo:its also sexy to look up a dress or a skirt

(11:39:14 am)TheSnob:I think you mean "expose", not "excuse."

(11:41:50 am)DysphoricRomeo:Heheh. Yes, I mean expose.

(11:42:41 am)TheSnob:It's actually decidedly intrusive to look up a dress or skirt; upskirt attempts can get one slammed with invasion of privacy litigation.

(11:44:12 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yes, but it is naughty to see up a skirt and if someone is looking up my dress or stuff.

(11:49:11 am)DysphoricRomeo:Wow I think you are making me feel girlier, my clothes didn't feel sexy before

(11:50:44 am)TheSnob:It is naughty; naughty meaning rude, bad, not the right or allowable thing to do.

(11:50:58 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yes maam. I am bad for thinking that

(11:51:41 am)TheSnob:So where are you anyway - in terms of being "in public", since that was part of the terms of this bet of yours?

(11:51:53 am)DysphoricRomeo:I am in a library

(11:52:47 am)TheSnob:Definitely a better location for fulfilling the first term of bet completion, rather than the second. I recommend you stick to the first.

(11:53:08 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yeah, I shoudln't like the feel of pretty things. They're just nice I guess.

(11:53:32 am)TheSnob:You can like them, certainly. There's nothing wrong with that.

(11:54:16 am)DysphoricRomeo:Yeah, but they feel sexy

(11:54:56 am)TheSnob:If that is something you're enjoying and not just because of the compulsion, you may want to note it as something to try once the bet is over and the hypnosis worn off.

(11:55:22 am)DysphoricRomeo:I shouldn't have satin and lace on my bum! Next I need a dress and asked to be spanked

(11:56:08 am)TheSnob:Spanked?

(11:57:06 am)DysphoricRomeo:err.. I"m not sure where that came from.. pretty things make me feel so submissive

(11:57:43 am)TheSnob:Contessa, do the parameters of the hypnosis include anything relating to D/s?

(11:57:57 am)DysphoricRomeo:I am not sure what is D/s maam

(11:58:45 am)TheSnob:Domination/submission.

(11:59:03 am)DysphoricRomeo:I am not submissive if that is what you mean

(11:59:37 am)TheSnob:When you're not under hypnosic, you aren't submissive?

(11:59:42 am)DysphoricRomeo:I dont' think so

(12:03:47 pm)TheSnob:Contessa, now that I have defined D/s, please answer my previous question thereto.

(12:05:11 pm)DysphoricRomeo:Yes maam, I am to feel more and more submissive maam which makes me feel more and more turned on maam

(12:10:34 pm)TheSnob:Do you consider submission to be inextricably tied to femininity?

(12:10:51 pm)DysphoricRomeo:yes maam, it makes me feel so feminine to be submissive to you

(12:11:51 pm)TheSnob:This is intriguing; given that, woudl you consider a woman who is not submissive to be not feminine?

(12:17:04 pm)DysphoricRomeo:whoever is more girly/feminine should be submissive

(12:17:48 pm)TheSnob:So since I am a woman, is it not reasonable to assume that regardless of clothing, I am inherently more girly/feminine?

(12:18:25 pm)TheSnob:Ah, it is time to lunch. I'll be back later.

So that's left him with something to chew on in terms of gender identity and power exchange while I go get my food.

#10 - My Name Is Not American Standard

2009-08-20T10:25:00.002-04:00

I've been having a particularly heinous morning, and when this fellow sent me a message, I responded honestly, albeit politely, to his questions. His response was not the ~~droid~~ friendly comfort I was looking for!

[9:46:05 am]FluidRomeo:hi

[9:46:20 am]TheSnob:Hello.

[9:46:29 am]FluidRomeo:how rae you this morning

[9:47:39 am]TheSnob:I'm not really having the best of days, honestly. How are you?

[9:47:59 am]FluidRomeo:just woke up but have a bad feeling about the day too

[9:48:41 am]TheSnob:Bah; have a GOOD day, maybe it'll karmically balance out against mine in the overall scheme of things. :)

[9:49:10 am]FluidRomeo:whats going on with you

[9:49:53 am]TheSnob:I have two kids and a puppy, and this morning every single one of them peed on me. *headdesk*

[9:50:16 am]FluidRomeo:that stinks... if i peed on you that would be sexy though :-)

[9:51:03 am]TheSnob:If one were to assume I were in to being peed on, perhaps.

[9:51:24 am]FluidRomeo:i was trying to make you smile :-p

[9:51:30 am]FluidRomeo:i'm into a lot of things though

[9:52:19 am]TheSnob:I'm not into getting peed on. Or peeing on people.

[9:52:40 am]FluidRomeo:i don't thinkk you are a minority there

[9:53:29 am]TheSnob:I agree. Not peeing on people for sexual gratification is more standard.

[9:54:35 am]TheSnob:I'm all for "to each his own" in the bedroom, but some things are just NMK, just like I figure some of the stuff I'm into wouldn't turn most people's cranks.

[9:54:55 am]FluidRomeo:what are you into

[9:55:32 am]TheSnob:Quite a few things; it's not all the sort of thing that I generally get into in my first conversation with a stranger, though.

#9 - Beware the Left Turn at Albquerque

2009-08-19T11:27:00.002-04:00

So I got this IM this morning, and in spite of the apparent inability to capitalize, the fellow seemed friendly enough, and we were chatting along quite merrily for a while about the relative merits of poly vs. swinging and open attitudes toward sexuality...

(10:12:08 am)HippyRomeo:morning :)

(10:15:04 am)TheSnob:Good morning.

(10:16:01 am)HippyRomeo:how are you?

(10:16:05 am)HippyRomeo:how long poly?

(10:16:24 am)TheSnob:I'm fine, thank you. A little over a year, almost a year and a half.

(10:16:38 am)HippyRomeo:finding it suits you then? :)

(10:17:09 am)TheSnob:Very much so.

(10:17:16 am)HippyRomeo::)

(10:17:30 am)HippyRomeo:i grew up w/ openly poly-swing parents...been around both all my life

(10:18:36 am)TheSnob:Interesting... what was that like, as a kid? How aware were you of it being their lifestyle?

(10:19:20 am)HippyRomeo:yes we were aware...they were/are the nudist,hedonist,free-love-hippy types

(10:19:34 am)TheSnob:That is very cool. :)

(10:20:15 am)HippyRomeo:it was...an amazing environment to be a teen going thru sexual discovery...no shame

(10:20:32 am)HippyRomeo:but also sometimes difficult being so different

(10:20:47 am)HippyRomeo:not the kind of house you could just bring a friend home from school to

(10:20:53 am)TheSnob:I can only imagine.

(10:21:07 am)TheSnob:Had to call ahead and make sure people were dressed? :D

(10:21:28 am)HippyRomeo:yeah...introductions would be awkward...

(10:21:39 am)HippyRomeo:"thats my mom...and that lady going down on her is nancy..."

(10:23:50 am)TheSnob:*gigglefit*

(10:24:27 am)HippyRomeo:we were taught respect,honesty,responsibilty...

(10:24:44 am)HippyRomeo:and with those, encouaged to enjoy sexuality openly

(10:28:39 am)TheSnob:I fully approve of that mindset.

(10:29:28 am)HippyRomeo:sex was personal...but only private if one chose it to be so

(10:33:13 am)TheSnob:*nodding*

(10:35:51 am)HippyRomeo:do u swing?

(10:36:01 am)HippyRomeo:or just poly?

(10:37:30 am)TheSnob:Just poly, for the most part, though I've found that not everyone has the same definitions of poly and swinging. What do they mean to you?

(10:38:15 am)HippyRomeo:swinging is sex w/ random ppl...

(10:42:29 am)TheSnob:Yeah, we're poly, we don't really swing. We like to get to know people.

(10:42:50 am)HippyRomeo:im w you

(10:43:01 am)HippyRomeo:now at least

(10:43:13 am)HippyRomeo:at 17 id do anyone

(10:44:47 am)TheSnob:*laugh* 'Tis the nature of the beast, when you're a teenager.

...then things abruptly took a hard turn to the left.

(10:45:26 am)HippyRomeo:youd think that our house being what it was, sex would be raunchy and wild

(10:45:36 am)HippyRomeo:but it was sweet and kind and giving

(10:46:06 am)HippyRomeo:the first time i had sex was with one of my sisters friends...(redacted) was there and basically held my hand the whole time

(10:46:48 am)TheSnob:(redacted) is your sister, I take it?

(10:47:21 am)HippyRomeo:yes

(10:48:14 am)TheSnob:That sounds…. sweet.

(10:48:21 am)HippyRomeo:it was nice

(10:48:35 am)HippyRomeo:they'd been letting me watch them play for a while

(10:48:46 am)HippyRomeo:and her friend want to be my first

(10:52:41 am)HippyRomeo:ive always suspected tho that what she really wanted was to see (redacted) and i play

(10:54:38 am)TheSnob:Huh.

(10:55:13 am)HippyRomeo:i think her friend wanted my more involved than watching in hopes (redacted) and i would play

(10:55:48 am)TheSnob:That seems like an odd thing to hope for.

Thereafter was silence; one that I hope lingers indefinitely, because I'm afriad that if the confirmation were to continue, it might confirm a suspicion that, frankly, makes me feel decidedly dirty.

And not in a fun way.

#8 - The Power of Nice

2009-08-18T15:09:00.002-04:00

Against all hope or expectation, I got another flyby hitup while in the process of posting up my backlog of judgemental amusements!

[1:42:27 pm]HonestRomeo:hey im gunna be honest im horny and wanna tlk dirty are u up for it

[1:43:10 pm]TheSnob:I appreciate your honesty, and respectfully decline. Good luck in finding what you seek.

#7 - Lamprey Fingers are the Ultimate Off

2009-08-18T15:05:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I wonder... to these folks start conversations with strangers in a bar like this? Does it ever work for them?

[8:59:23 pm]CluelessRomeo:bi and poly? =P
[9:00:04 pm]CluelessRomeo:and cute! haha

[9:02:01 pm]TheSnob:heh, thanks!

[9:02:41 pm]CluelessRomeo:anytime!
[9:02:56 pm]CluelessRomeo:i like the outdoor pic especially
[9:03:03 pm]CluelessRomeo:nice legs!

[9:03:33 pm]TheSnob:I'm rather attached to them myself.

[9:04:23 pm]CluelessRomeo:you should share them =)

[9:04:41 pm]TheSnob:If only they were detatchable.

[9:05:18 pm]CluelessRomeo:haha i'll play with the whole package

[9:05:54 pm]TheSnob:I wonder if legs go better by UPS or FedEx.

[9:06:55 pm]CluelessRomeo:haha, legs are even funner with the other body parts though

[9:07:40 pm]TheSnob:I don't know, I mean, haven't you seen cartoons with a pair of disembodied legs running around? Laughs galore!

[9:08:03 pm]CluelessRomeo:hehe well as long as its from the waste down because i like whats between the legs too!

[9:09:11 pm]TheSnob:Nothing is a waste.

[9:09:21 pm]CluelessRomeo:true
[9:09:27 pm]CluelessRomeo:front, back, its all fun
[9:09:46 pm]CluelessRomeo:especially the back =D

[9:10:34 pm]TheSnob:I like my back.
[9:10:39 pm]TheSnob:It's where I keep my spine.

[9:11:12 pm]CluelessRomeo:haha, i meant the area below the belt and between the cheeks
[9:11:16 pm]CluelessRomeo:but spines are nice too

[9:11:52 pm]TheSnob:My cheeks are above my belt! Well, unless I'm standing on my head. Or hanging from the monkeybars.

[9:12:25 pm]CluelessRomeo:haha ok fine, buttholes are fun for everyone =P
[9:12:31 pm]CluelessRomeo:there i said it!
[9:12:43 pm]CluelessRomeo:but monkey bars are fun

[9:13:11 pm]TheSnob:I'd much rather hang from monkey bars than a butthole.

[9:13:37 pm]CluelessRomeo:true buttholes are better for other stuff
[9:13:43 pm]CluelessRomeo:like licking and putting things in

[9:14:05 pm]TheSnob:I have been trying to think of a better place to keep my keys.

[9:14:32 pm]CluelessRomeo:i want pics if you use my idea

[9:14:45 pm]TheSnob:What idea?

[9:15:27 pm]CluelessRomeo:keys in your butt

[9:16:00 pm]TheSnob:...yes. If I put keys in my butt, I shall be certain to send photographic evidence to a stranger on the internet.

[9:16:27 pm]CluelessRomeo:fine, can i come put them in your butt then?

[9:17:03 pm]TheSnob:You have my keys? You ruddy BAHstard!!

[9:17:37 pm]CluelessRomeo:fine you can have them back but only if i can lick your butt first! =D

[9:18:10 pm]TheSnob:You haven't a clue where that thing has been.

[9:18:39 pm]CluelessRomeo:so, bend over and let me taste then

[9:18:41 pm]TheSnob:Come to think of it, I haven't a clue where your mouth has been.
[9:18:51 pm]TheSnob:Also, I feel the need to wash my keys.

[9:19:36 pm]CluelessRomeo:everyone likes having their butt licked

[9:19:55 pm]TheSnob:Categorically untrue.

[9:20:44 pm]CluelessRomeo:you dont?

[9:21:23 pm]TheSnob:That's neither here nor there; I find it unlikely to accurate claim that everyone likes ANY one particular thing.

[9:21:56 pm]CluelessRomeo:well lets find out if you do

[9:24:45 pm]TheSnob:If I were to do so, I think it wouldn't be with you.
[9:25:29 pm]TheSnob:See above, re: stranger, internet.

[9:25:43 pm]CluelessRomeo:sometimes strangers on the net lick butts the best

[9:26:23 pm]TheSnob:They also tend to have the most interesting diseases and psychoses.

[9:26:57 pm]CluelessRomeo:ewww

[9:32:31 pm]TheSnob:Yeah... you've never seen gross until you've seen lamprey fingers.

#6 - Discovering Schroedinger's Vagina

2009-08-18T14:55:00.003-04:00

Gosh, but this has been a banner month for these folks! There I was, poking around on a site, minding my own business, when I received an IM popup - nothing has been edited or cut out, with the exception of names. I even left in my typo and correction of it.

Enjoy.

[9:23:27 pm]HumorlessRomeo:I can smell your vagina

[9:25:13 pm]TheSnob:Bless your little heart, that's precious.

[9:25:18 pm]HumorlessRomeo:thanks

[9:25:37 pm]HumorlessRomeo:can you bless my little cock

[9:25:40 pm]HumorlessRomeo:that'd feel better

[9:26:05 pm]TheSnob:I'm afraid not; I am ordained in no recognize faith system.

[9:26:50 pm]HumorlessRomeo:alright can you suck it then

[9:27:12 pm]TheSnob:I could, but I won't.
[9:27:30 pm]TheSnob:The internet is a marvelous place, but they have yet to tackle fellatio via TCP/IP.

[9:27:30 pm]HumorlessRomeo:you can just have some fun and be a whore
[9:27:38 pm]HumorlessRomeo:verbally

[9:28:32 pm]TheSnob:Are you offering to pay me?

[9:28:37 pm]HumorlessRomeo:no
[9:28:43 pm]HumorlessRomeo:reaplace whore with slut

[9:28:47 pm]TheSnob:Well than that's not really whoring.
[9:29:44 pm]TheSnob:Did you know that "slut" is actually defined as "a dirty untidy woman" and has nothing inherently relevant to se?
[9:29:49 pm]TheSnob:...to sex?

[9:29:59 pm]HumorlessRomeo:sort of does in this case
[9:30:01 pm]HumorlessRomeo:talking "dirty"
[9:30:03 pm]HumorlessRomeo:go ahead
[9:30:06 pm]HumorlessRomeo:have a little fun

[9:30:12 pm]TheSnob:Hm....
[9:30:17 pm]TheSnob:Mud.
[9:30:23 pm]TheSnob:Grime.
[9:30:25 pm]TheSnob:Goop.
[9:30:33 pm]TheSnob:Sediment in fluid suspension.
[9:30:39 pm]TheSnob:Oooh, you're right - this IS fun!

[9:31:11 pm]HumorlessRomeo:what a dork

[9:32:30 pm]TheSnob:Oooh, that's a good one too. Dork is slang for penis, you see. As is cock. Which also means a male chicken.
[9:32:40 pm]TheSnob:....were you asking me to suck on a male chicken?
[9:32:50 pm]TheSnob:Because feathers are kinky, but that's just perverted.

[9:34:13 pm]HumorlessRomeo:you are annoying
[9:34:14 pm]HumorlessRomeo:good job

[9:34:35 pm]TheSnob:Thank you. I strive to excel.

11 minutes from "I smell your vagina" to "you are annoying" - I feel like this is some kind of world record!

13 minutes later he came back with ripping gem of insults, clearly designed to cut me to the core:

[9:47:56 pm]HumorlessRomeo:cunt

[9:48:47 pm]TheSnob:It's a word with rich and longstanding history. Did you know it actually was a medical term, as well as being used as both a noun and a verb the way we today use "fuck"?

[9:49:07 pm]HumorlessRomeo:really
[9:49:11 pm]HumorlessRomeo:go cunt yourself

[9:49:50 pm]TheSnob:Very good, just like that! Learning really is fun, isn't it??

[9:52:34 pm]HumorlessRomeo:dumb cunt

[9:53:13 pm]TheSnob:Dumb is a synonym for mute.
[9:53:49 pm]TheSnob:Vaginas the world over do tend to lack the power of speech... so yes, that's accurate as well.

[9:54:00 pm]HumorlessRomeo:stupid cunt

[9:54:48 pm]TheSnob:Stupid? In what way, I wonder?

[9:57:43 pm]HumorlessRomeo:stupid like a dumb cunt

[9:59:40 pm]TheSnob:Well, stupid is a marked lack in metal acuity, and irrelevant to a cunt with or without verbal ability, as that's not the anatomical location required for intelligence.

[10:00:13 pm]HumorlessRomeo:you sound like a computer
[10:00:18 pm]HumorlessRomeo:you probably don't even have a cunt

[10:00:38 pm]TheSnob:Not really; well, maybe yours might talk, but mine mostly just has a quiet fan hum.
[10:00:58 pm]TheSnob:Probably not. There aren't really any girls on the internet, you know.

[10:01:19 pm]HumorlessRomeo:you're definitely a gir l

[10:01:38 pm]TheSnob:But if that is the case, that then begs the question of what you thought you were sniffing after when you began this IM session in the first place.

[10:01:49 pm]HumorlessRomeo:exactly
[10:02:01 pm]HumorlessRomeo:I can smell your pussy from here

[10:02:25 pm]TheSnob:The one that you just presupposed that I don't have?
[10:02:37 pm]TheSnob:This is facinating. I have Schroedinger's Vagina!

[10:02:39 pm]HumorlessRomeo:exactly
[10:02:54 pm]HumorlessRomeo:I bet you write terrible poetry

[10:03:45 pm]TheSnob:Oh yes, it's rather horrific. Reaching epic, Vogon-like proportions when I really put my mind to it.

[10:07:38 pm]HumorlessRomeo:I bet

#5 - The Tank Is Lonely...

2009-08-18T14:36:00.003-04:00

1. i am a 2.1 26] 2.1.5 2.2 male from 2.3(redacted) and 3. i 4. luv what 5. i see so if 6. u would like to have some fun some time if 7. 8. u know what 9. i mean then let me know 10. u can also 11. im me at 12. 12.5 13. tanklikesto********at yahoo 14.

1. Start a sentence with a capital - and whether it leads a sentence or not, you should capitalize 'I'.

2.1 This site already tells me your age as a matter of course.

2.1.5 A 26 WHAT? I presumed of course that you meant age. ~~Although if you skip down to point 13, I might also be led to believe that it's your size.~~

2.2 Ditto for your gender.

2.3 That goes triple for your location.

3. ...you should capitalize 'I'.

4. It's spelled "love."

5. ......you should capitalize 'I'.

6. 'You' is not a very long word, and this site does not charge you by the letter - please write it out in its entirety.

7. ...please spell out "you".

8. Imagine, for a moment, that I do know what u you mean. I can read minds through the internet. What else might I be able to do?

9. YOU SHOULD CAPITALIZE 'I'!

10. ......please ~~for the love of stars and little fishes~~ spell out "you"!

11. An acronym for "Instant Messenger," IM should be capitalized.

12. You, good sir, simply reek of class.

12.5. Seriously, though, was that the BEST representation of yourself that you could think of for an IM name?

13. Ohhhhh, oh. Looking at the thumbnail of your pic, I can see why you try to call yourself Tank. It sounds tougher, tighter, more toned and dangerous than "fleshyblobatopwhiteteeshirtedblob."

14. End your sentence. Preferably, end your sentence with a period, but really any punctuation at all would have been nice.

#4 - Beauty in simplicity

2009-08-18T14:34:00.001-04:00

I received a message:

you are a very interesting person.

I responded:

I agree.

#3 - IM Interest - I'm Not Interested

2009-08-18T14:24:00.004-04:00

Some sites have, in addition to email-type private messaging systems, an embedded chat or IM system - which can lead to the most puzzling of drive-by attempts at conversation. Some, like the following, end up veering hard toward attempts to pick up, and sometimes I successfully and pleasantly steer them to more neutral topics.

(As with other messages, this is not his real name.)

[10:28:43 am]HaplessRomeo:hey sexy

[10:29:06 am]TheSnob:Uh, hi.

[10:29:49 am]HaplessRomeo:how are you babe

[10:30:24 am]TheSnob:Fine, thanks. Yourself?

[10:30:39 am]HaplessRomeo:doing good

[10:31:14 am]HaplessRomeo:whts going on sexy

[10:31:37 am]TheSnob:Not much; working.

[10:32:03 am]HaplessRomeo:oh where

[10:32:25 am]TheSnob:At work.

[10:32:35 am]HaplessRomeo:oh friday

[10:32:52 am]TheSnob:Yay, Friday!

[10:33:31 am]HaplessRomeo:you look really sexy

[10:33:52 am]HaplessRomeo:all your pics are good

[10:35:20 am]TheSnob:Thanks.

[10:35:29 am]TheSnob:So what's up?

[10:35:34 am]HaplessRomeo:so are you really horny all the times

[10:36:01 am]TheSnob:....how is that in any way an appropriate question for a first conversation?

[10:36:19 am]HaplessRomeo:but sorry

[10:36:32 am]HaplessRomeo:My dick is so hard now that I have to ask it

[10:36:36 am]HaplessRomeo:you know that could not be

[10:37:40 am]HaplessRomeo:but my dick is so hard now

[10:37:51 am]HaplessRomeo:that I have to ask it

[10:37:55 am]HaplessRomeo:but anyhow sorry

[10:38:00 am]TheSnob:So is this how you amuse yourself - trolling dating sites looking for women to tweak out?

[10:38:08 am]TheSnob:There have got to be better ways to spend your time.

[10:38:18 am]HaplessRomeo:whts the plan for the weekend

[10:38:39 am]TheSnob:I'm getting a puppy, and taking defensive driving class.

[10:38:58 am]HaplessRomeo:defensive?? whts that

[10:39:36 am]TheSnob:You've never heard of defensive driving?

[10:39:57 am]TheSnob:Is English not your first language? I ask not to be rude, but because I find all this quite surprising otherwise.

[10:41:50 am]HaplessRomeo:I mean why do you have to take it

[10:42:04 am]TheSnob:It'll lower my insurance rates.

[10:42:17 am]HaplessRomeo:yeah thats kool

[10:42:24 am]HaplessRomeo:I should take it too then

[10:43:00 am]TheSnob:You can usually find them in your area if you contact your local DMV.

[10:44:27 am]HaplessRomeo:thats kool

[10:48:00 am]HaplessRomeo:it was nice talking to you

[10:48:05 am]HaplessRomeo:bye

#2 - Internet is not a Cell Phone.

2009-08-18T14:11:00.003-04:00

how r u today ? iwould like to chat somtime if you would like to.you sound like a nice women. hope to here from u soon .

Can you feel my brain screaming and running? GAH!

Just for fun, I've highlighted errors in red.

how r u today ? iwould like to chat somtime if you would like to.you sound like a nice women. hope to here from u soon .

Going in order:

1. Capitalize the first letter of your sentence.

2. Spell out your words.

3. ...Spell out your words.

4. Don't put a space before the end punctuation of your sentence.

5. ...Capitalize the first letter of your sentence, and always capitalize 'I'!

6. Put spaces between your words.

7. There's an 'e' in 'sometime.'

8. Put a space between the end punctuation of one sentence and the first letter of the next sentence.

9. ......CAPITALIZE THE FIRST LETTER OF YOUR SENTENCE!

10. Woman. There's only one of me. Seriously, people have hoped for more, but this is all I've got.

11. .........CAPITALIZE THE FIRST LETTER OF YOUR SENTENCE!

12. You will not 'here' from me because I am very much not compelled to 'there' you. >.>

13. ......SPELL OUT YOUR WORDS!

14. ...Don't put a space before the end punctuation of your sentence!

It makes my brain ache. I put a lot of time into my profile, and a lot of thought. I have multiple edits, formulated like footnotes, to show clarifications and additions to what was already there. I've considered giving little prizes to anybody who makes it to the end of my wall-of-text profile, without being critted.

I wrote a lot, and it's all properly capitalized and structured. Anybody who looks at even the first paragraph could see that - what would make them think in the SLIGHTEST that a message like the above would be in the least compelling to me?!

#1 - How It Is NOT Done.

2009-08-18T13:38:00.004-04:00

I've recently been asked by a rather nice gentleman, what is it like to be on dating/social sites as a woman? The experience honestly does vary day by day, and hour by hour. Often I get messages that are quite polite expressions of interest or curiosity. Sometimes folks tend toward less than formal writing - dropping capitals, for example, or the occasional typo. When in conjunction with a respectful missive, I find myself able to overlook it to a degree (though I admit that very well-written communication is quite an 'on' for me).

However, sometimes I get messages that are quite rude. I'm sad to say that more often than not, these messages come from Doms - or rather, from men calling themselves Doms, who give a bad name to the real ones. These are the sort of misguided individuals who lack understanding of what it is to truly be dominant - they mistake it, instead, as being free license to be an arrogant asshat.

I recently received one such message that not only was wholly characterized by such an attitude, but with such poor writing skills that my brain actually cringed against the back of my skull. When I was able to coax it out again, it occurred to me that what this sort of message truly needed was a good, oldfashioned dose of the "red pen" treatment - the sort of correction you might have seen on your essays at school.

Only when I set forth did I realize that, really, I simply had to color the whole message red, if not for form, then for content, or for both.

Read on, if you will - in doing so, learn what sort of messages a woman is sometimes subject to on a social or dating site, and (I hope) please learn from this person's misguided attempt. This is, in short, NOT the way to gain my interest.

Well, not in a positive way.

(I am a member of several of each, for various reasons, and for the sake of what dignity they retain I will identify neither the sites nor the membernames therein.)

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1. Would seem you seek but just tease as well.2.Not nice an 3.tather naughty.girl4. 5.Should be taught better manners 6.Im not a switch nor subbie young lady.7.I 8.dont care for naughty girls who tease in their search.9.10.you need to truly present yourself,11.I or capitilizations are 12.refered to a Dominant force,13.not to you within your submission.14.15.Lets talk seriosly if you want to keep My attention unto you.

Let's take this piece by piece, shall we? I'd say sentence by sentence, but much, like this first line, are not complete sentences.

1. Sentence Fragment.

2. Put a space after terminal punctuation.

3. ...what? That's not even a recognizable typo, let alone a word.

4. The period goes AFTER the last word in a sentence....fragment.

5. Sentence fragment, lacking an active noun; also, no terminal punctuation, managing to magically make this a run-on sentence fragment. Bravo!

6. "I'm" has an apostrophe in it.

7. ...put a space after terminal punctuation.

8. "don't" has an apostrophe in it.

9. ......put a space after terminal punctuation!

10. Sentences should start with capitals.

11. Put a space after a comma.

12. It's spelled "referred"

12.5 I think you meant "referring"

13. ...put a space after a comma.

14. PUT A SPACE AFTER TERMINAL PUNCTUATION!!!

15. "Let's" is a contraction of "let us" and has an apostrophe in it.

16. It's spelled "seriously."

The aforementioned spelling and grammatical issues aside, let us now address your content:

1. Of course I tease; it's one of the single-most effective ways of getting attention on a busy dating site.

2. There is nothing in my profile that leads to a supposition of lack of niceness, nor of outright naughtiness; I was both poetic in phrasing and forthright in intention.

5. My manners have often been praised and lauded - and you have no grounds on which to judge them before I've even spoken to you.

6. Obviously you aren't switch nor sub; you self-identified in your profile information as Dominant and - having not made first contact with you - there was no reason to think that I would assume that you are.

8. You don't? And yet you accused me already of being naughty and a tease. Why, then, did you go out of your oh so important way to send me this nearly incomprehensible message?

10. I do truly present myself. In my profile. Did you READ my profile?

11. The capitalization or lack thereof of I/i and You/you is a common but not exhaustive delineation on the internet when referring to Doms/Dommes/Masters/Mistresses vs. subs/pets/slaves. Being an English major and a lover of language foremost, before my sexual self-identification, I prefer to eschew such a delineation - particularly when I am making a neutral presentation to an audience that in theory contains all types, and therefore to which the maintenance of accepted real-world written language protocol is not only acceptable, but I think rather to be the norm.

13. I am a submissive-leaning switch. I am not YOUR submissive - you have contacted me, and I have not offered you my submission in any way, shape, nor form. Not only that, but if you (again) had actually READ my profile, you would have seen where it clearly says, in boldface type no less, that I love my husband and am not looking for a Master.

15. I would actually prefer not to keep your attention, because quite frankly I have found it to be rude, assumptive, and repellently overbearing. I do hope that before you go trolling for subbies elsewhere, you do take a few minutes to read the notes and recommendations that I have made above in terms of your grammar, punctuation, and spelling.

They'll help you make a better presentation of YOURself - in form at least, if not in substance.

kthx,

TheSnob