#27 - Your/you're/ur/You/u?

Hey neighbor.. so whats your yahoo name.. do u have web cam.. are you real female or male posing as male?

I received the above from someone who I had never approached, and who had never approached me before; clearly, he didn't bother to read much of the brief profile I maintain on that site, or he might have noticed... oh, perhaps that I spell words and capitalize things? Naturally, I sent him back the following helpful correction:

One period ends a sentence. Three periods are an ellipsis. Two periods are just indecisive.

"What's" has an apostrophe in it. "yor" is not a word. "Your" is, though. I am not interested in sharing my offsite contact information at this time.

"U" is not a word; "you" is, though. I do have a web cam - and as above, I am not interested in sharing it at this time.

Your final question, misstated though it seems, I find the most intriguing. I presume that you meant to ask if I was a male posing as female. This hearkens to the continuing and sadly consistent question as to whether there are any real women on the internet - even here where honesty about one's gender and orientation are crucial to a viable connection. I wonder if you have just natural suspicion about everyone, or only women online - or even whether you've already had a poor experience that made you, ah, gunshy (if you'll excuse that pun). I assure you that I am a real female, and moreover I have always been one. Have a nice day. -TheSnob

#26 - When In Doubt, Wig 'Em Out

[11:53:19 am]WiggedOutRomeo:hello

[11:54:36 am]TheSnob:Hello.

[11:55:05 am]WiggedOutRomeo:hey what ya up 2?

[11:56:13 am]TheSnob:working, writing, watching the clock... the usual Friday routine.

[11:58:04 am]WiggedOutRomeo:ur very pretty

[11:58:39 am]TheSnob:Thank you!

[11:59:52 am]WiggedOutRomeo:id love to kiss those lips with the plastic wig on

[12:02:38 pm]TheSnob:That statement puzzled me for a moment, and I was picturing a pair of lips with a wig. Or lips with a plastic moustache that droops around the sides like a wig.

No less entertaining was the fact that in the profile picture alongside this little conversation, it showed his shirt drawn up to reveal a remarkably hairy torso - not just his chest.

#25 - I Do Not Think That Word Means What You Think It Means

[8:37:33 am]ESLRomeo:hello dear

[8:39:21 am]TheSnob:Good morning.

[8:43:10 am]ESLRomeo:oh there is a morning then very good morning

[8:43:47 am]ESLRomeo:here in india it is 6:00 pm evening

[8:44:26 am]TheSnob:It's 9am morning here.

[8:44:57 am]ESLRomeo:good so deiffrence

[8:45:04 am]ESLRomeo:so now whats going up

[8:45:26 am]ESLRomeo:now iam go to home and u

[8:46:10 am]TheSnob:I am just starting work.

[8:46:32 am]ESLRomeo:what u r doing

[8:46:39 am]ESLRomeo:i mean jobs or

[8:46:51 am]TheSnob:Yes, my job.,

[8:47:00 am]ESLRomeo:in which field

[8:47:08 am]ESLRomeo:which company

[8:47:27 am]TheSnob:Data analysis at (redacted)company.

[8:47:46 am]ESLRomeo:i am a stock broker

[8:49:48 am]ESLRomeo:heloo

[8:50:02 am]ESLRomeo:ok get yr work

[8:50:05 am]TheSnob:Hello.

[8:50:22 am]ESLRomeo:r u married

[8:50:27 am]TheSnob:Yes.

[8:50:37 am]ESLRomeo:how many childrens u have

[8:50:58 am]TheSnob:Two.

[8:51:03 am]ESLRomeo:nice

[8:51:12 am]ESLRomeo:what yr husband doing

[8:51:19 am]TheSnob:He's also working.

[8:52:54 am]ESLRomeo:u both are working thas good

[8:53:12 am]TheSnob:Yes.

[8:53:21 am]ESLRomeo:whats yr dreams to archive

[8:53:34 am]TheSnob:To be a writer.

[8:53:57 am]ESLRomeo:what u write like ?

[8:54:22 am]ESLRomeo:whats yr job timing

[8:54:42 am]TheSnob:I write short fiction.

[8:55:33 am]ESLRomeo:ok thanx

[8:55:45 am]ESLRomeo: r u a bisexual that means

[8:55:54 am]ESLRomeo:looking for sex

[8:56:46 am]TheSnob:No. Bisexual means that I enjoy the romantic company of both men and women.

[8:57:20 am]ESLRomeo:so that i am romantic for u

[8:58:02 am]ESLRomeo:what is romance?

[8:58:11 am]ESLRomeo:pls reply fast

[8:58:24 am]TheSnob:A relationship. Dating, fun, sex, and so forth.

[8:58:39 am]TheSnob:...who the hell do you think you are?

[8:58:56 am]ESLRomeo:no i amnot

[8:59:07 am]TheSnob:I will reply when I am good and ready, and you can wait for it, or you can go bother someone else.

[8:59:28 am]ESLRomeo:angry then sorryyyyyyyyy

[8:59:59 am]TheSnob:You had better be. That was a rude demand to put on someone you don't know.

[9:01:52 am]ESLRomeo:what i demanding u

[9:02:15 am]ESLRomeo:i am just asking when i dont know

[9:02:37 am]ESLRomeo:ok be romantic

[9:03:23 am]ESLRomeo:hello dear soryyyyyyyyy

[9:04:00 am]ESLRomeo:r u there ?

[9:04:53 am]TheSnob:Perhaps it is a miscommunication; I take it that English is not your first language?

[9:05:11 am]ESLRomeo:yes

[9:05:23 am]ESLRomeo:learnt from u

[9:05:58 am]TheSnob:Well, I recomment that you stop shortening words to single letters. It makes you appear younger and less intelligent, to a native English speaker.

[9:07:19 am]ESLRomeo:ok sorry for that

[9:08:36 am]TheSnob:Quite all right. There are intricacies to any language that are hard to pick up if you aren't raised or immersed in the native culture.

[9:09:03 am]ESLRomeo:if i am wormg that i say sorry now iam leaving and go to home if i hurt u by any words then please be sorry by heart

[9:10:19 am]ESLRomeo:my [ersonal id is : (redacted)@yahoo.com u can contact me on that

[9:10:38 am]ESLRomeo:my name is (redacted)

[9:11:11 am]ESLRomeo:i think u r a good teacher for me

[9:12:19 am]TheSnob:I like to help people. Say "you are" instead of "u r" for example.

[9:12:57 am]ESLRomeo:thanx

[9:13:08 am]TheSnob:You are welcome.

[9:13:17 am]ESLRomeo:now i leave u can contact me on my personal id

[9:13:30 am]TheSnob:No thank you.

[9:13:46 am]ESLRomeo:ok your choice

[9:14:05 am]ESLRomeo:byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[9:14:36 am]TheSnob:Farewell.