#30 - Sometimes they just don't know when to quit

lol 5'2 215 lbs.... wow...its funny how that the big one always try to act better then they really are online.. b/c real world they get treated like shit... now that is ir indeed female in the pic......... but i suspect ur 50 bald and work for the state... live in moms basement..lol have fun

---

I'm sure you feel exactly right in your assumptions.

Have a nice day.

I think this one likely bemuses me even more than his previous two messages (see entries #27 and #29), in part because I was mulling it over during commute, and figured that if he did write me back, it would be something almost exactly like this message.

Clearly, he either hadn't read my profile, or if he did, didn't read it well. Having failed in his (laughable) attempts at wooing, he needs to soothe his ego, and not having any real understanding of who I am or what matters to me, he's taken the scattershot approach at insulting. Failure, on all accounts.

Yes, I'm short. Yes, I'm chubby. I'm also decidedly healthy in spite of my weight; it's more a shape than it is any health detriment, and if anything, I feel lucky to be out of the hourglass shape of my youth - when it's a dealbreaker for someone, then that clearly indicates a lack of interest in anything beyond a brainless shiny.

I don't need to act better than I am... the plain truth is that, in interpersonal respects, I just happen to be better than him. I'm a happy person. I enjoy the world. And I like to express myself well. I don't get treated like shit in the real world - I have a great family, marvelous friends, and a quality work environment.

The pictures I have attached to any of my profiles are myself. I'm not 50, although I'm just as amused that he seems to find age insulting as weight. Personally, I've always been attracted to older men.

I'm puzzled by working for the state being an insult; I know quite a few people who do, and they lead comfortable lives, and have good security - especially important in the current economy, no?

I also know a few people who live with their parents - again, I am puzzled as to why this would be an insult. I am, in fact, a homeowner, but both my siblings moved home at one point or another, and I know quite a few people who have done the same. It's a familiar space, usually low rent or rent free, and allows one to build up a financial buffer and spend time with people close to them.

He's right about one thing at least. This was fun to break down and defuse.

#29 - This is not the Sub you are looking for.

The maestro of the English language found in #27 decided that my "no" apparently wasn't clear enough:

lol ok so lets try this again.................. whats your yahoo name>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> do u have working web cam???????????????
and are you drunk ................ rambling on............... or just spent 10 hrs trying to sounds like u have a brain... quite a huge amt of bullshit u spewed to skirt my direct question..cock or pussy?????????/

What would YOU do, boys and girls?

I did this:

Well gosh, let's take this last thing first:

"cock or pussy?????????/"

If you had actually read the "bullshit" I "spewed" you would have seen I answered your direct question. "I assure you that I am a real female, and moreover I have always been one."

And now that that critical piece of information is out of the way: I am not giving you my Yahoo name, nor any of my other messenger names. I do have a working webcam, not that it much matters, as you're never going to see any of the images that go through it.

I am not not drunk, nor was I drunk the first time that I answered the misspelled, poorly constructed, downright rude blurt that you considered an acceptable message to send to someone. Rather than rambling, I was offering a deconstruction of what it was about your initial message to me that was a complete turn-off.

This message, nearly a month later, is inexplicably worse. Even if it had taken me ten hours to sound like I have a brain, at least it did not take me three weeks to sound like a self-centered moron.

Clearly I am not what you are looking for here - I advise you to not waste your time nor my own by messaging me again.

I also advise you to practice the fine art of self-restraint, beginning with using one piece of punctuation at a time.

#28 - So am I the Cinnamon Stick or the Curry Powder?

Hi.. Im Bob , with someone but not in a open relationship. I'm looking for some spice, to also provide some fun and frolic to someone elses life as well. I am for real, no pic because I must remain discreet. Write back if you are interested at all. I may be 52, but can act 20 ( so I'm told!) lol I will be waiting to hear from you!

Bob

Bob,

I appreciate both your time and your candor. You seem like a jolly, likable guy, but if you are with someone and not in an open relationship, then I assure you I am not the spice you are looking for. My husband and I are polyamorous, and what makes it ork for us is communication on all accounts; just as neither of us would want the other taking up with someone without our knowledge and approval, neither do we (singly or together) have interest in being someone's dirty little secret, no matter how spicey it might be.

I wish you luck in finding what you're looking for. You simply will not find it with me.

Best regards,

TheSnob

#27 - Your/you're/ur/You/u?

Hey neighbor.. so whats your yahoo name.. do u have web cam.. are you real female or male posing as male?

I received the above from someone who I had never approached, and who had never approached me before; clearly, he didn't bother to read much of the brief profile I maintain on that site, or he might have noticed... oh, perhaps that I spell words and capitalize things? Naturally, I sent him back the following helpful correction:

One period ends a sentence. Three periods are an ellipsis. Two periods are just indecisive.

"What's" has an apostrophe in it. "yor" is not a word. "Your" is, though. I am not interested in sharing my offsite contact information at this time.

"U" is not a word; "you" is, though. I do have a web cam - and as above, I am not interested in sharing it at this time.

Your final question, misstated though it seems, I find the most intriguing. I presume that you meant to ask if I was a male posing as female. This hearkens to the continuing and sadly consistent question as to whether there are any real women on the internet - even here where honesty about one's gender and orientation are crucial to a viable connection. I wonder if you have just natural suspicion about everyone, or only women online - or even whether you've already had a poor experience that made you, ah, gunshy (if you'll excuse that pun). I assure you that I am a real female, and moreover I have always been one. Have a nice day. -TheSnob

#26 - When In Doubt, Wig 'Em Out

[11:53:19 am]WiggedOutRomeo:hello

[11:54:36 am]TheSnob:Hello.

[11:55:05 am]WiggedOutRomeo:hey what ya up 2?

[11:56:13 am]TheSnob:working, writing, watching the clock... the usual Friday routine.

[11:58:04 am]WiggedOutRomeo:ur very pretty

[11:58:39 am]TheSnob:Thank you!

[11:59:52 am]WiggedOutRomeo:id love to kiss those lips with the plastic wig on

[12:02:38 pm]TheSnob:That statement puzzled me for a moment, and I was picturing a pair of lips with a wig. Or lips with a plastic moustache that droops around the sides like a wig.

No less entertaining was the fact that in the profile picture alongside this little conversation, it showed his shirt drawn up to reveal a remarkably hairy torso - not just his chest.

#25 - I Do Not Think That Word Means What You Think It Means

[8:37:33 am]ESLRomeo:hello dear

[8:39:21 am]TheSnob:Good morning.

[8:43:10 am]ESLRomeo:oh there is a morning then very good morning

[8:43:47 am]ESLRomeo:here in india it is 6:00 pm evening

[8:44:26 am]TheSnob:It's 9am morning here.

[8:44:57 am]ESLRomeo:good so deiffrence

[8:45:04 am]ESLRomeo:so now whats going up

[8:45:26 am]ESLRomeo:now iam go to home and u

[8:46:10 am]TheSnob:I am just starting work.

[8:46:32 am]ESLRomeo:what u r doing

[8:46:39 am]ESLRomeo:i mean jobs or

[8:46:51 am]TheSnob:Yes, my job.,

[8:47:00 am]ESLRomeo:in which field

[8:47:08 am]ESLRomeo:which company

[8:47:27 am]TheSnob:Data analysis at (redacted)company.

[8:47:46 am]ESLRomeo:i am a stock broker

[8:49:48 am]ESLRomeo:heloo

[8:50:02 am]ESLRomeo:ok get yr work

[8:50:05 am]TheSnob:Hello.

[8:50:22 am]ESLRomeo:r u married

[8:50:27 am]TheSnob:Yes.

[8:50:37 am]ESLRomeo:how many childrens u have

[8:50:58 am]TheSnob:Two.

[8:51:03 am]ESLRomeo:nice

[8:51:12 am]ESLRomeo:what yr husband doing

[8:51:19 am]TheSnob:He's also working.

[8:52:54 am]ESLRomeo:u both are working thas good

[8:53:12 am]TheSnob:Yes.

[8:53:21 am]ESLRomeo:whats yr dreams to archive

[8:53:34 am]TheSnob:To be a writer.

[8:53:57 am]ESLRomeo:what u write like ?

[8:54:22 am]ESLRomeo:whats yr job timing

[8:54:42 am]TheSnob:I write short fiction.

[8:55:33 am]ESLRomeo:ok thanx

[8:55:45 am]ESLRomeo: r u a bisexual that means

[8:55:54 am]ESLRomeo:looking for sex

[8:56:46 am]TheSnob:No. Bisexual means that I enjoy the romantic company of both men and women.

[8:57:20 am]ESLRomeo:so that i am romantic for u

[8:58:02 am]ESLRomeo:what is romance?

[8:58:11 am]ESLRomeo:pls reply fast

[8:58:24 am]TheSnob:A relationship. Dating, fun, sex, and so forth.

[8:58:39 am]TheSnob:...who the hell do you think you are?

[8:58:56 am]ESLRomeo:no i amnot

[8:59:07 am]TheSnob:I will reply when I am good and ready, and you can wait for it, or you can go bother someone else.

[8:59:28 am]ESLRomeo:angry then sorryyyyyyyyy

[8:59:59 am]TheSnob:You had better be. That was a rude demand to put on someone you don't know.

[9:01:52 am]ESLRomeo:what i demanding u

[9:02:15 am]ESLRomeo:i am just asking when i dont know

[9:02:37 am]ESLRomeo:ok be romantic

[9:03:23 am]ESLRomeo:hello dear soryyyyyyyyy

[9:04:00 am]ESLRomeo:r u there ?

[9:04:53 am]TheSnob:Perhaps it is a miscommunication; I take it that English is not your first language?

[9:05:11 am]ESLRomeo:yes

[9:05:23 am]ESLRomeo:learnt from u

[9:05:58 am]TheSnob:Well, I recomment that you stop shortening words to single letters. It makes you appear younger and less intelligent, to a native English speaker.

[9:07:19 am]ESLRomeo:ok sorry for that

[9:08:36 am]TheSnob:Quite all right. There are intricacies to any language that are hard to pick up if you aren't raised or immersed in the native culture.

[9:09:03 am]ESLRomeo:if i am wormg that i say sorry now iam leaving and go to home if i hurt u by any words then please be sorry by heart

[9:10:19 am]ESLRomeo:my [ersonal id is : (redacted)@yahoo.com u can contact me on that

[9:10:38 am]ESLRomeo:my name is (redacted)

[9:11:11 am]ESLRomeo:i think u r a good teacher for me

[9:12:19 am]TheSnob:I like to help people. Say "you are" instead of "u r" for example.

[9:12:57 am]ESLRomeo:thanx

[9:13:08 am]TheSnob:You are welcome.

[9:13:17 am]ESLRomeo:now i leave u can contact me on my personal id

[9:13:30 am]TheSnob:No thank you.

[9:13:46 am]ESLRomeo:ok your choice

[9:14:05 am]ESLRomeo:byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[9:14:36 am]TheSnob:Farewell.

#24 - Too Many Roosters In My Henhouse

Sometimes, for whatever reasons, I get messages that have accompanying, uh, visual aids. This one in particular had alongside it the man's avatar, featuring presumably himself seated in an armchair. The shot went from neck to mid-shin, and the view of his form, in a state of obvious excitation, wsa entirely unhindered by any clothing whatsoever.

InsecureRomeo:Just out of curiosity, to you think my cock is a decent size?

TheSnob: I don't keep chickens, so I really have no basis for comparison.

InsecureRomeo:Thank you, you've been very helpful.

I must admit, I did go to his profile to get a larger-scale view - and on any scale, it was, in fact, impressive.

I'm glad I save it locally, because a few minutes later he deleted it. I thought long *koff* and hard *koffkoff* about having it accompany this post, as by having it on his profile he'd theoretically put it into public domain. But (A) that's too disrespectful of any veneer of privacy he might maintain, and (2) that would probably shunt this blog right into the category of pornography, and get me booted from blogger.

And I don't want that any more than you do.