#22 - I Refused To Help Cheaters In School, Too

I am a woman on dating sites. I am also a married woman, and I make this clear in my profiles. Sometimes, it seems to draw a boldness from married men... who are on such sites without full disclusure to their spouses, unlike me and mine, who communicated frequently and deeply. We've found such communication to be vital to the continued health of our core relationship. We worked long and hard to get to a point that we were both confident in that core to turn our gaze outward as well.

So this kind of thing, based on lies and fear and assumption... it just makes me so sad.

[11:00:41 am]CheatingRomeo:hi there...i'm (redacted)....enjoyed your profile...how're you?

[11:03:17 am]TheSnob:Hello (redacted), I'm glad it was entertaining. I'm doing well. How're you?

[11:03:33 am]CheatingRomeo:doing great thx...what'cha up to?

[11:05:13 am]TheSnob:Working, drinking coffee.

[11:06:01 am]CheatingRomeo:so....you are married yes?

[11:07:43 am]TheSnob:Yes, I am.

[11:07:56 am]CheatingRomeo:i am married as well <===very naughty

[11:08:37 am]TheSnob:I'm not naughty in that respect. My husband and I are polyamorous and communicate.

[11:08:54 am]CheatingRomeo:lucky for you...that's no doubt better

[11:09:07 am]CheatingRomeo:what's your naughty side like...submissive....or dominant...

[11:09:33 am]TheSnob:It can be hard work, but any relationship is, really, and we find it to be worth the efforth.

[11:09:39 am]TheSnob:*effort

[11:10:27 am]TheSnob:Fascinating. Usually first conversations involve things like, "So what's your favorite color?" or "Did you see that recent popular movie?" or "What do you think of what Kanye did at the VMAs?"

[11:10:52 am]CheatingRomeo:lol....i'm pretty direct...hope it doesn't offend you lol

[11:11:03 am]CheatingRomeo:let me try it again your way

[11:11:10 am]CheatingRomeo:what's your favorite color?

[11:11:17 am]CheatingRomeo:are you submissive or dominant?

[11:11:19 am]TheSnob:I don't find it offensive, I just think it's an inappropriate thing to ask someone you don't know.

[11:11:25 am]CheatingRomeo:;-)

[11:12:26 am]TheSnob:My favorite color is green. I'm a sub-leaning switch. I have stretch marks. I have a scar on my palm and no idea where it came from. I used to think I'd be living in a brownstone in the city by this point. Sometimes I eat my fingernails.

[11:12:42 am]CheatingRomeo:ha! nice

[11:13:03 am]CheatingRomeo:green is also my favorite color....i don't eat my fingenails...i'm dom by nature but very sub curious

[11:14:45 am]TheSnob:Have you discussed your curiosity with your wife? That would be my first move, in your place.

[11:15:08 am]CheatingRomeo:she has zero interest believe me

[11:15:19 am]TheSnob:So you have discussed it with her?

[11:15:24 am]CheatingRomeo:yes

[11:16:53 am]TheSnob:Have you talked about you pursuing that interest outside of your marriage?

[11:17:25 am]CheatingRomeo:no....too risky...i know you've done it etc etc..just trust me that woudn't work

[11:17:53 am]TheSnob:And you don't think that sneaking around like this is at least as risky, if not more?

[11:18:21 am]CheatingRomeo:no; i think it's less risky

[11:18:37 am]TheSnob:Speaking as a married woman myself, I'd be far more hurt if my husband were cheating and lying than if he brought up to me that he's interested in something that I have no interest in, and therefore would like to work out a way to explore it with someone else.

[11:19:00 am]CheatingRomeo:that's only b/c you're open minded to the idea

[11:19:40 am]TheSnob:Yes. And I think you're doing both her and yourself a disservice by assuming that she won't take the time to listen to and discuss your needs.

That seemed to end the discussion; at least, he said nothing more. For the sake of curiosity, I perused his profile, and saw that though he told me he was married, he has himeself listed as single. Lying at home, lying to the world; may he never find what he seeks, or may his wife discover his searching before he can truly damage her.